Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Racial, Ethnic, & National Identities

Originally published July 16, 2014.

Republished on a new web host on May 8, 2019.

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip:
Racial, Ethnic, & National Identities

See the first post in this series for an introduction to bad and ugly gossip, the negative stereotypes behind bad and ugly gossip, and which group of men gossips the most, meaning this group of men gossips more than any group of women.

If you use negative stereotypes about people who are different from you, you are inviting everyone who hears you to use negative stereotypes about you. Below are some of the negative stereotypes other people could use about you.

My collection of stereotypes comes from books, magazines, newspapers, movies, television shows, radio programs, news shows, conversations, etc.

Be sure to read the Point to Ponder at the end of this post.

I add stereotype examples as I come across them.



produce kitchen odors


violent criminals




quick tempered

emotionally submissive




on welfare or jobless


negative personality






“African-American” suggests to many people

more concern for one group than for society

less persuasive ability

not as likable

tend to complain about small things

Liberals often feel excluded by the African-American label, feeling it focuses

attention on the label rather than on larger issues












governed by buffoons




unwilling or unable to engage in dialogue with other cultures





slant eye



Kung-Fu fighters




unscientifically minded



would be living in igloos without America





bring exotic diseases to the United States





less intelligent

lacking individualism























school dropouts

mentally handicapped



not human

inhuman behavior

should be killed


disliked by God




undesirable blacks







bring exotic diseases to the United States















involved in crime

ruin neighborhoods

don’t want to work

take our houses

take our jobs

abuse social security and welfare systems

cause problems at school

have a different mentality

cause dirtiness

cause urban decay

should be sent back

have too many children

treat women badly




representatives of Saddam Hussein



quick tempered

extremely nationalistic



sloppy drunks


not intelligent



















Native American

“Good” Native Americans
















“Bad” Native Americans















low intellect



cowardly outlaws

inhuman fiends


filthy surroundings

inadequate cooking

repulsive diet

enslaved squaws

culturally deprived

Native Americans on reservations





outcasts from own race











WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant)










Point to Ponder

Did you notice that both African-Americans/Blacks/Negroes and Whites are stereotyped as mean and corrupt?

Paula M. Kramer
Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

Standards For Success Posters

Good, Bad, & Ugly Gossip

Gossip Proverb

Free Online Resources For Avoiding Failure & Choosing Success

Want The Satisfaction Of Being A David (Or Davida) To A Goliath?

You are I are the Davids and Davidas. The U.S. Postal Service is the Goliath. David took Goliath down with a sling and a stone. I don’t want to take down the U.S. Postal Service, but I do want stop the postal service from 5 cent stamp increases. I cannot do that alone. We could do it together.

I‘ve had snail mail problems since 1988, for as long as I’ve lived in my house. I live in a village that usually has less than 200 residents. Therefore, the postmaster for any year knows everyone in the village.

As the problems continued I reduced my use of snail mail to a bare minimum. Since the postal service decided to raise the cost of stamps by 5 cents in a single increase, it seems likely that other people are making the same choice to use the U.S. Postal Service less. I decided to conduct polls on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter to discover how widespread the problems are. I hope to get responses from 1000 Davids and Davidas. With 1000 Davids and Davidas making similar complaints, maybe we can make enough noise to get the Postmaster General to pay attention. Maybe we can get the U.S. Postal Service to fix its problems instead of raising its prices.

This blog post provides detailed explanations for all of the problems I list in #PaulaPolls1. I plan more #PaulaPolls on other topics.

Many postal workers do their jobs well. They are productive postal workers. Others are pussyfooting postal workers. They pussyfoot around actually doing the work required by their jobs. Another group is probably a mixture of productive and pussyfooting. Postal workers undoubtedly pussyfoot around doing their jobs for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they don’t like the work. Perhaps they are lazy. Perhaps they feel overwhelmed by required procedures. I’m certain that the problems come from both postal service procedures and pussyfooting postal workers.

Which Of These Problems Have You Had?

Slower General Delivery

It now takes three days for first class mail to travel between my village and another village three miles away. The mail travels the equivalent of one mile per day.

Months Late Delivery

A friend who lived 18 miles away mailed a thank you card to me in June. I received it in September.

Take A Detour Delivery

I ordered plants. The plants went from southeastern Wisconsin to the Minneapolis area of Minnesota before arriving at my post office in central Wisconsin. Most of the plants were dead on arrival.

Disappearing Incoming Mail

I took an advertising class in college. For one advertising project, I contacted a cereal company and asked for information I could use in my project. When the material did not arrive, I called and talked to the same woman. She said she had sent out the 9×12 brown envelope soon after I called. She sent me another 9×12 brown envelope full of information. When that envelope didn’t arrive either, I asked her to send the information to a friend in a nearby small city. That envelope arrived. I believe the woman did send me all three envelopes because my class project was free advertising for her company’s cereal.

Other mail has disappeared from the village three miles away and from the small city 15 miles away. I know the mail disappeared because it was mail we expected but didn’t get until we had it sent again. Three notices in a row from my bank in the three-miles-away village disappeared.

Disappearing Outgoing Mail

I started paying most bills online after two checks to my utility company disappeared in consecutive months.

I’ve also started calling local businesses when I mail them a check, asking them to let me know when my check arrives. One business told me that other people make the same request.

Mixed Up Incoming Mail

At times, people in my village receive mail meant for village neighbors. We leave mixed up mail on a table for the addressees to find.

Revolving Door Wrong Mail

I twice received mail from different counties that kept revolving back to my P.O. box. The only similarity between my address and the other two addresses was the P.O. box number. The names of the addressees were different (one addressee was a business). The towns were different. The zip codes were different. But in both cases the mail revolved back to my box twice more after I put the mail in the outgoing box. I had to write notes on the envelopes to get the mail to stop revolving back to my box.

Hungry Postal Machines

The last time I had a parking ticket was decades ago. I mailed a check to the police department within the prescribed time. I was unhappy to receive a second notice about the ticket with an added fine. I took my checkbook to the police department to show that I had written a check within the prescribed time. The woman at the desk said, “The machine probably ate it.” Her statement means she had previous experiences with postal machines eating mail. How hungry are the postal machines? We’ll never know.

Partial Procedure Postal Workers

I placed an order that meant parcel post delivery. When my parcel should have arrived, nothing was in my post office box indicating a parcel had arrived. The company insisted the parcel had been delivered. The postal worker insisted she had not received the parcel. After two weeks of my asking about my parcel, the postal worker decided to look through the bigger post office boxes where she put parcels. She found my parcel. My parcel had arrived on time. She had put the parcel in a bigger box, but then failed to place a key to that box in my post office box.

Picky Perfection Postal Workers

For several years, we had a postmaster who refused to deliver mail when the address was not absolutely perfect. One big business owner in the village got into trouble with the state because the postmaster refused to deliver something about taxes. The part time post office employee working with this picky perfection postmaster told me every village resident would be horrified to learn what the picky perfection postmaster did with our mail.

When I was on a jury duty list, I called the county clerk in charge to say that the picky perfection postmaster did not deliver all of our mail and would she please call me when she sent me mail. She told me about a picky perfection postmaster in another village who also refused to deliver mail that was not addressed perfectly. One of the potential jurors lived across the street from that other post office, but the picky perfection postmaster refused to deliver the mail because some little detail in the address was wrong.

Pity Party Postal Workers

Even on one job I had to cope with poor mail service. Decades ago, I did customer service for a company that did its biggest business during the Christmas season. One customer called to complain that her post office had decided to return all parcel post boxes to the companies instead of delivering them to their customers. Yes, you read that correctly. The post office decided to return all parcel post packages to the companies instead of delivering them to customers for Christmas. Apparently, the idea of doing the work of their jobs was just too much for those postal workers. How many Chrismas parties and Christmas mornings did that post office pity party ruin?

Twin Post Office Pity Parties?

Many years ago, I was standing in line at the post office in the village three miles away when I heard an incredible complaint. A woman had delivered postcard invitations for a big wedding anniversary party to that village post office. Half of the postcards never arrived. The half that did arrive had the postmark from the small city 15 miles away. The only way for those postcards to get from the village post office to the small city post office was for a village postal worker to deliver the postcards to the small city post office. Pity party! Did the small city postal workers have a twin pity party and decide to toss half of the postcards? Did twin post office pity parties ruin a big wedding anniversary party?

The Icelandic Model For Postal Delivery

Contrast pussyfooting U.S. postal workers with productive Icelandic postal workers.

“Letter Sent to Iceland with Hand-Drawn Map Instead of Address Actually Arrives at Destination”
Cammie Finch
My Modern Met
September 1, 2016

The U.S. Postal Service Could Get It Right

I have a hint for the U.S. Postal Service. They should use the technique the late Ken Hendricks (ABC Supply) used to become a billionaire. When Hendricks considered buying a business, he spent as little time as possible listening to the executives. This was Hendricks advice:

“Walk in the back room and talk to the warehouse guy or the forklift operator and say, ‘If you were running this business, what would you do differently?” says Hendricks. “I guarantee if you fixed what they tell you, 95 percent of the time that would be a successful business. These guys hit it on the head all the time. But management never asks them.”

Is the Postmaster General going to be as smart as billionaire Ken Hendricks?

“How To Buy A Business”
Inc Magazine Staff
December 1, 2006

Your Turn To Speak Up

Please join me as Davids and Davidas in holding the U.S. Postal Service accountable for both its problems and its prices. Go to one of the links below to give your responses to #PaulaPolls1. I will keep reposting #PaulaPolls1 on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter until I get a combined 1000 David and Davida responses. Once we get the U.S. Postal Service listening to us, you could have the satisfaction of telling people you know that you were a David or Davida who helped change the procedures of a Goliath.

Thank you.





Paula M. Kramer
Transformation Tactician
Resource Rock Star

Copyright 2019
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Websites

Are You An Opportunity Winner Or An Opportunity Loser?

Winners see opportunity where losers see imperfection.

In 1947, Morgan State University saw imperfection in Vivien Thomas. Thomas contacted the school wanting to fulfill his dream of becoming a doctor. He had life experience in the field of medicine that he hoped would qualify for academic credit and shorten his time attending the university. Morgan State saw only imperfection because Vivien Thomas was black. Morgan State insisted that the black man would have to take all freshman classes before graduating. Vivien Thomas decided he would be too old when he graduated and gave up his dream of becoming a doctor.

What was Vivien Thomas’ life experience? He developed techniques and instruments for heart surgery, specifically surgery to save the lives of babies with heart defects. Morgan lost bragging rights by excluding a medical pioneer from its list of alumna.

In 1930, white surgeon Alfred Blalock saw opportunity when a black teenage male carpenter applied for a job as a surgical research technician. Because Alfred Blalock hired Vivien Thomas, Alfred Blalock is now revered as a pioneer of heart surgery with Vivien Thomas. Vivien Thomas taught heart surgery techniques to all of the first white surgeons. They came from around the world to Johns Hopkins Uniersity in Baltimore to learn heart surgery. Johns Hopkins University won bragging rights for having a medical pioneering team on its staff.

Note: According to Vivien Thomas’ autobiography, he never worked as a janitor at Vanderbilt University. Vanderbilt paid him janitor’s wages because he was black, but he worked only as a surgical research technician. Dr. Blalock eventually got him better wages.

In 1937, Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit saw imperfection in Vivien Thomas as a colleague of Alfred Blalock. Henry Ford offered Alfred Blalock the position of surgeon-in-chief. Blalock would have been able to run his own department, train his own men, and do more research. When Blalock insisted on bringing Vivien Thomas with, Henry Ford Hospital said they never hired blacks. Henry Ford Hospital lost. Johns Hopkins University hired Vivien Thomas with Alfred Blalock and won.

In 1943, pediatric cardiologist Helen Taussig saw opportunity in the Alfred Blalock/Vivien Thomas team. She came to them with the idea of creating an operation to help “Blue Babies”. Blue Babies are born with defective hearts. Taussig saw opportunity in the Blalock/Thomas team for developing a heart surgery to correct the defect and save babies’ lives. Helen Taussig won. She received the Albert Lasker Award for outstanding contributions to medicine. Johns Hopkins was a double winner for seeing opportunity in mostly deaf female doctor Helen Taussig.

Obviously, Morgan State University and Henry Ford Hospital are no longer the losers they were in 1947 and 1937. Most institutions were losers back then. Morgan State’s list of famous alumni includes many people of color. Henry Ford’s roster of surgeons includes many people of color. They have both joined Johns Hopkins University as winners.

Seeing opportunity instead of imperfection, Johns Hopkins University created more opportunity by putting Alfred Blalock, Vivien Thomas, and Helen Taussig together in one place. Alfred Blalock, Vivien Thomas, and Helen Taussig were all determined problem solvers. Together they solved one of the biggest problems in history — how to safely operate on human hearts to save human lives.

Determined problem solvers are smart employees, according to Danny Shader, CEO of Good Technology:

“Profitable innovation comes not from inventing a product, he (Danny Shader) maintains, but from having a team of smart employees who figure out how to do a better job every time they interact with customers. ‘That sort of innovation will do a lot more for your company than a piece of parchment (patent),’ he says.”

What do you see? What do your employees see? Are you creating more opportunity by putting a variety of determined problem solvers together in one place? Are you giving yourself opportunities to win big?

Morgan State University

Vivien Thomas

Alfred Blalock

Johns Hopkins University

Henry Ford Hospital

Helen Taussig

Partners of the Heart: Vivien Thomas and His Work with Alfred Blalock
Vivien Thomas

“Relax. Let your guard down: Why patents, trademarks, and other intellectual property protections are bad—that’s right, badfor business”
David H. Freedman
Inc. Magazine
August 2006


Paula M. Kramer
Transformation Trainer
Resource Rock Star

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Standards for Success Posters

Opportunities, Not Fairy Tales

Ignoring People/Opportunities

Resource Websites


When Families Focus On Negative Identities, Everyone Loses: Dementia

Family Focus On Negative Identity

For a few months, I visited a woman who had been diagnosed with dementia and showed signs of depression. This woman had two adult children involved in her daily life. Because of the dementia diagnosis, Adult Child #1 made decisions for the woman. Adult Child #2 told the woman how to cook, as in explaining how to cook hotdogs in water.

The woman was a widow living alone. She drove herself around, shopped, went to church, visited with friends, and cooked whole meals for family members that were more involved than cooking hotdogs in water.

When I visited the woman, we had wonderful conversations. We talked about families, cooking, school, employment, travel, politics, television shows, and world events. We learned from each other. I asked her opinion about some of my work. We also took walks together. Shortly after I started visiting her, the woman began making perceptive jokes. Perceptive in that they were revealing, not demeaning. Adult Child #1 told me that the woman was again the mother they had grown up with.

When I was with the woman, I saw some signs of anxiety and some signs of forgetfulness. Neither was serious. Because I saw her as a competent, responsible adult, I asked the woman to make a few decisions. Adult Child #1 became angry that I thought the woman could make decisions for herself. Adult Child #1 decided my conversations with the woman were no longer necessary.

Adult Child #1 and Adult Child #2 had focused on the negative dementia identity. They saw their mother as a dementia patient rather than as a competent, responsible adult. Early on the woman had told me that all of her relatives knew she had dementia and were being nice to her. If the behavior of Adult Child #1 and Adult Child #2 were any indication, “being nice” meant focusing on the negative dementia identity.

Months after my last conversation with this woman, I learned about Self-Determination Theory, a theory of motivation. According to Self-Determination Theory, social and cultural factors can foster or undermine people’s well-being and the quality of their performance, among other things.

The conditions for fostering well-being and quality of performance are:

Autonomy (freedom of choice)


Relatedness (connections to other people)

Every decision Adult Child #1 made for their mother took autonomy away from their mother.

Every explanation Adult Child #2 gave their mother about cooking took competence away from their mother.

The woman had relatedness, but all of her connections saw a negative dementia identity. That focus on a dementia identity took autonomy and competence away from the woman. Is it any wonder she was depressed?

Every single person in this woman’s family loved her and cared about her. They thought they were doing their best for her by focusing on her negative dementia identity. But their negative dementia focus left the woman depressed. So everyone lost, especially the woman.

If all of her family members saw her as responsible, the woman would be able to enjoy the autonomy she needs for well-being.

If all of her family members saw her as competent, the woman would be able to demonstrate a high quality of performance in her own life.

If all of her family members respected the autonomy, competence, and relatedness of the woman, everyone would win — especially the woman.


I ran into this woman at the grocery store. She told me that she didn’t have dementia, she had just been depressed. Knowing that I had always respected her as a responsible adult, she complained to me about Adult Child #2. That child had asked the woman if she could get herself where she needed to go. “I know where it is. I know how to drive my car. I get myself there regularly.” In spite of the evidence, Adult Child #2 continued to focus on a negative identity and take competence away from the mother they loved.

Another Example

I was visiting a woman who has memory problems. She needed to fill out a form while I was there. She knew how to write, but she was slow when she wrote. I was ready to wait for as long as she needed to finish filling out the form. Her adult child was not so patient. Seeing negativity in the mother’s slow writing, the adult child took the pen and finished filling out the form. A person who loved her took competence away from her.

Family Focus On Positive Identity

Contrast that woman’s experience with Geri Taylor’s experience. After Geri looked into her mirror and failed to recognize herself, her family didn’t focus on her Alzheimer’s identity. They didn’t limit her choices. Geri chose to expand her life. She acted on her interest in photography. She visited friends more often. She filled her days with pleasurable activities. She used her iPhone to keep track of her life and added the Find My Friends app. She created rules for living, including:

“Talk only if necessary while walking.”

When her driving skills deteriorated, Geri cut back on her driving to drive only as necessary.

Geri started doing research before talking to friends so she could keep up, but she also started speaking to groups about living with Alzheimer’s. She did these talks with her husband, Jim.

Geri met with CaringKind to say she wanted more than a traditional support group. Instead, she wanted “a peer-driven Alzheimer’s tutorial” because:

“We don’t want to be done to. We want to do.”

CaringKind set up a series of workshops “to swap tips for living with early-stage memory loss.” Geri is now a representative for the national Alzheimer’s Association. Geri Taylor’s family didn’t limit her choice, question her competence, or become discouraging connections. As of 2018, Geri has three years in as an Alzheimer’s champion, and she’s still going.

I am certain the family of the woman I had conversations with loves the woman as much as Geri Taylor’s family loves her. If only they used their love to focus on the woman’s positive identity, everyone would win.


If it’s easier for you to remember, think of the three elements of self-determination as:




Think of the choice, competence, and connections that matter to you, and you’ll understand their necessity for the people you love.

Autonomy & Competence Also Improve Physical Health

Seeing competence in its patients, Cleveland Clinic created MyChart. MyChart gives patients a measure of autonomy in their healthcare and health decisions.

“Providing state-of-the-art tools to help patients manage their health
is a vital part of Cleveland Clinic care and the patient experience.”

Paul Matsen, Chief Marketing and Communication Officer

MyChart and other patient engagement strategies “have led to dramatic improvements int the patients’ experience.”

“5 ways Cleveland Clinic improved its patient engagement strategies”
Jeff Rowe
Healthcare IT News
October 1, 2013

“Best Global Brands: Cleveland Clinic”
Interbrand Health
No date.

“Leading The Way Through Alzheimer’s”
N.R. Kleinfield
Reader’s Digest
June 2018, pages 103-111


Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Rock Star Details

Should You Believe The National Organization For Women (NOW)? NOW Chapters

Equality between men and women will follow equality between:
white women and women of color,
upper class women, middle class women, and lower class women,
feminist women and non-feminist women,
feminist leaders and feminist followers.

Update: Since I wrote this blog post, NOW has removed chapter information from its website and done some rewriting. You no longer have the ability to see which chapters are active or how active they are. NOW leaders prefer keeping secrets. Just look at the “NOW Leaders” page for proof. Reread the above statement about equality. NOW is nowhere near creating equality between women and men. (NOW has removed the NOW Leaders page. This only means they are no longer announcing that NOW leaders keep secrets. NOW leaders still keep secrets. They keep their “activist” training secret from the women who pay for the training.)


In 2008, I started paying attention to the website for the National Organization for Women (NOW). For all of those years, NOW has made this sort of claim on the About page of its website.

NOW has hundreds of chapters and hundreds of thousands of
members and activists in all 50 states and the District of Columbia.

After a few years, I started checking those claims. Never once did I find chapters in all 50 states. I always found “Sorry, no chapters found” for several states. Other states listed the name of a chapter, but the chapters had no website or social media.

Also, when I first started paying attention, NOW claimed to have more than 500,000 members. After I started writing blog posts about feminist leaders, that number changed. You’ll note that NOW currently claims, “hundreds of thousands of members and activists”. Note that being a member apparently does not make one an activist.

At the end of February 2017, I did detailed research into NOW chapters for every single state. This is my research on NOW Chapters. As of my detailed research, NOW still did not have chapters in all 50 states. Of the “hundreds of chapters”, only 132 were active. Since the total number of chapters was 228, fewer than 60 percent of all chapters were active.

When I posted the PDF files to each active NOW chapter, several of them reported me to Facebook for spam. Facebook banned me from making comments anywhere. I contacted Facebook and explained that I was informing an activist organization about effective strategies for change. Facebook lifted the ban within hours. Heaven forbid that NOW chapters be as effective as Srdja Popovic, a leader of the student movement that helped topple Serbian president Slobodan Milošević.

I can give you my perspective on why NOW chapters are inactive. I spent one year as a member of a no longer existing chapter. Booooorrrrring. Lots of sitting around listening to the local president read information from the national organization. I remember being one of three people at many meetings. That was decades ago, but if more than 40% of NOW chapters are currently inactive, being a NOW member is still not an exhilarating experience.

As I publish this post, NOW still has states with “Sorry, no chapters found”.

Should you believe what NOW claims about its chapters? You decide.


Paula M. Kramer
Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Websites

Business Directory

Reputation Management Directory

For a wide rangin selection of articles on feminism and other topics,
see The Zawadi Nyong’o Daily


As an American, I have freedom of speech.

As a woman, I have the right to express my opinion about anything the National Organization for Women claims to do for women.

In 2016, I started adding the section below to all of my new Feminist Leader blog posts. I also added it to all posts published before 2016.

The National Organization For Women
Silences Women

National NOW has blocked me on its Facebook page. I wrote comments based on my blog posts. All of my blog posts are based on a wide variety of evidence. Much of the evidence comes from National NOW’s website, emails and posts from NOW presidents, and emails from NOW staff members. I use no hostile language, no slurs, no profanity. I do use the phrase “glory addicts” in reference to NOW leaders. I also use “glory addiction”, “glory fixes”, and “a dedicated network of glory addicts”. Dr. Marsha Vanderford (Doyle) identified the glory needs of pro-choice leaders in her 1982 dissertation.

Feminist leaders have been silencing women for decades. bell hooks, Gloria Steinem, Urvashi Vaid, and Naomi Wolf got together for a conversation that was published in Ms. Magazine in 1993. The discussion included why women choose not ta call themselves feminists. Did these four feminist leaders working for women’s equality ask women who choose not to call themselves feminist to speak for themselves? Of course not! The four feminist leaders silenced millions of women by speaking for them without first requesting permission to speak for them.

Imagine a group of women who choose not to call themselves feminists getting together for a conversation to be published in a magazine about why some women call themselves feminists. Would hooks, Steinem, Vaid, Wolf, or Ms. Magazine agree with nonfeminist women denying them the opportunity to speak for themselves? Of course not! Would hooks, Steinem, Vaid, Wolf, or Ms. Magazine agree that nonfeminist women had the right to speak for feminist women without their permission? Of course not!

My feminist leader blog posts provide evidence that feminist leaders still create glory for themselves while relegating supporters to “secondary importance”. Dr. Vanderford used the words “relegated” and “secondary importance” in her dissertation. Eoin Harnett of University College Cork in Ireland used the same “secondary importance” phrase:

“Throughout the ages, women were frequently characterised
and treated as inferior and of secondary importance to men.”

NOW leaders even relegated two of their supporters to secondary importance. The supporters responded to my last two comments on National NOW’s Facebook page with comments supporting NOW. NOW leaders silenced those supporters by removing their comments along with my comments. Instead of creating equality, NOW leaders treat other women the same way patriarchal men treat women:

NOW leaders silenced at least three women on Facebook while posting claims to be creating equality for women. Secondary importance is the opposite of equality, as women throughout the ages could testify.

In-House Rhetoric of Pro-Life and Pro-Choice Special Interest Groups in Minnesota: Motivation and Alienation
Dissertation, University of Minnesota, 1982
Marsha Vanderford Doyle, Ph.D.
(Now Marsha Vanderford)
Quoted words on page 350.

“Let’s Get Real about Feminism: The Backlash, the Myths, the Movement.”
hooks, bell, Gloria Steinem, Urvashi Vaid, and Naomi Wolf.
Ms. Magazine.
Vol 4(2) September/October 1993: pages 34-43.

“Multitext Project in Irish History: Movements for Political & Social Reform, 1870-1914”
Eoin Hartnett
University College Cork, Ireland
No date
This project is no longer available online.

Updated April 30, 2017.

The Little County That Can & Does: World, National, & State Firsts

Portage County, Wisconsin (population a little more than 70,000) is The Little County That Can & Does because it is lucky and smart. Portage County is lucky because it grew up with everything it needed to create success. Many Portage County residents are smart because they use their luck to create a variety of successes. Today, Portage County is a hotbed of spectacular success. The book From Pyramids to Circles: Shaping Groups to Succeed will include chapters about both Portage County and Wood County in Wisconsin.

Wood County was not as lucky as its neighbor Portage County because it did not grow up with everything it needed to create spectacular success. However, the residents of South Wood County are learning to shape their county to create the kinds of success that can lead to spectacular success.

From Pyramids To Circles is currently in revision. Blog posts about Portage County and Wood County will be listed in the book as further reading.

Because Portage County residents are both lucky and smart, the county is also a hotbed of world firsts, national firsts, state firsts, and models of effectiveness.

When appropriate, firsts appear in more than one category.

The wide range of firsts indicates what is possible when the situational factors necessary for spectacular success are present in one place.

Contact paula at speakingfromtriumph dot com with additions and corrections. Both are welcome.

Embarrassing Firsts

As of November 2017, I added an embarrassing Portage County state first. No one is perfect. Embarrassing Portage County firsts are at the bottom of this post.

Portage County, Wisconsin Volunteers

The spectacular successes are possible because of the people who volunteer to make events successful. I am now interviewing Portage County volunteers, asking these five questions.

1. Have you always lived in Portage County? If yes, skip to #4.

2. How long have you lived in Portage County?

3. How is Portage County different from the other places you’ve lived?

4. What do you enjoy about living in Portage County?

5. How does your volunteer work benefit your life in Portage County?

If you are a Portage County, Wisconsin volunteer and would like to participate in the research for my book, please send your answers to the email address above.

Thank you.
Paula Kramer


Educational First

Becoming an Outdoors-Woman
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Educational First

Aber Suzuki Center & American Suzuki Institute
Originally known only as American Suzuki Institute, the Aber Suzuki Center is the first Suzuki Institute in the world outside of Japan.

Business Firsts

Women In Trucking Association
The Women In Trucking Association is the first association for women truckers in the world. Men can be members as well. The Women In Trucking Association has members in North America, Australia, and Europe.

The Women In Trucking Association initiated an event for Girl Scouts to earn a Transportation Patch. Working with the Greater Chicago/Northern Indiana regional office, the Women In Trucking Association developed the curriculum and patch. The event has been repeated in the United States and Canada (Girl Guides in Canada).


Trivia Contest
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point radio station, WWSP 90fm

Renewable Energy Fair
Midwest Renewable Energy Association

Student Operated Paper Machine
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
Paper Science and Engineering


Educational Firsts

Cottage at Stevens Point Normal School
For students to learn how to run a household

Conservation Education Major
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Student/Faculty Television
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Communication Program
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Student Chapter of the American Water Resources Association
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Wellness Program in University Life
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Computer Information System Major
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
early 1980s

Paper Machine Designed for Teaching
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Suzuki Voice Training

First American to Fulfill Voice Requirements of the European Suzuki Association
Suzuki Singing Books 1 through 4
Mary Hofer

Undergraduate Health Promotion and Wellness Programs
National Wellness Institute

Wellness Academic Accreditation Program Institute
National Wellness Institute

Student Government Association’s Environmental and Sustainability Issues
Director and Committee
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Athletic Training Research Using Virtual Reality Hockey Technology

Business First

Restaurant Salad Bar
Sky Club

Media Firsts

Radio Broadcasting Station at a Teachers College

Student/Faculty Television
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Health Firsts

Wellness Symposiums, Now National Wellness Conference

Six Dimensions of Wellness Model
Dr. Bill Hettler
(National wellness founder along with Dennis Elsenrath and Fred Leafgren)
Intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, occupational, and physical wellness

First Institute with Wellness as its Mission
National Wellness Institute
(Originally launched as Institute for Lifestyle Improvement by the
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point Foundation)

Environmental Firsts

Conservation Education Major
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Student Chapter of the American Water Resources Association
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Green Circle That Forms a Physical Circle Around a Community

Artistic Firsts

Bachelor of Music Degree
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Suzuki Voice Training

First American to Fulfill Voice Requirements of the European Suzuki Association
Suzuki Singing Books 1 through 4
Mary Hofer

Award Firsts

First Recipient of Friends of Lulu’s “Women of Distinction” Award
Maggie Thompson
(Friends of Lulu existed from 1994 to 2011)
National organization promoting women as readers and participants in the comic book industry

First Recipient of the Transportation Innovators Champion of Change Award
Ellen Voie, President & CEO
Women In Trucking Association
Presented by the Barack Obama White House

Models Of Effectiveness

CAP Services
Community action against poverty
(Asked where Portage County gets its volunteers, the late CAP President
Karl Pnazek replied, “I pick them off the sidewalk. They just grow here.”)

Central Rivers Farmshed
Events, programs, workshops, and resources that support a local food economy

Community Care of Portage County
Long term care for the elderly and disabled
(Until the state of Wisconsin changed home healthcare in Wisconsin)

Teaching Partners
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
College of Professional Studies
Pairing faculty and teaching academic staff for discussions about teaching and learning

Wisconsin Lake Leaders Institute
Management of lakes and working with state and local governments

Wisconsin/Nicaragua Partners of the Americas
Peer to peer partnership

Writing Lab (now Tutoring-Learning Center)
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Horticultural Only

“Hans Aanrud” Triumph Tulips
Named for Hans Aanrud, Norwegian writer, drama critic.
Great uncle of Portage County resident Ruth Aanrud.
Ruth has kept the tulips growing in her garden since the 2010s.


Educational First

Student Organization to Work with North Central Conservancy Trust
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
Land Conservation Society

Environmental Firsts

Renewable Energy Fair
Midwest Renewable Energy Association

First Publicly Owned Project to Earn LEED Platinum
George W. Mead Wildlife Area Education & Visitor Center
Architect Thomas Brown, Stevens Point
Mead Wildlife Area encompasses land in Marathon, Portage, and Wood Counties.

First Solar Transpired Wall
Stevens Point Airport

Green Tier Status
Central Waters Brewing Company

Student Organization to Work with North Central Conservancy Trust
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
Land Conservation Society

UW Campus with 100% Electricity from Renewable Sources
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

We Are Still In Declaration
The “We Are Still In” declaration was released June 5, 2017. Leaders across the United States are signing the declaration, committing their organizations to the Paris Agreement on combating climate change. University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point Chancellor Bernie Patterson was the first chancellor in the University of Wisconsin system to sign the declaration.

First University Of Wisconsin School Named To The Princeton Review Green College Honor Roll
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

First University Of Wisconsin School To Achieve 100 Percent Renewable Electricity
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Agricultural First

Anaerobic Digester
Gordondale Farms

Artistic First

First Sculpture Park Owned by a Municipality
Stevens Point Sculpture Park

Investment First

Investment in Healthy Food Enterprises
Incredible Edibles Investment Club, LLC
One member lives in Wood County

Religion First

Call to Common Mission
In 2000, the Episcopal Church and the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America came to an agreement known as The Call to Common Mission. The agreement allows the two denominations to share worship, clergy, evangelism, and outreach. The Stevens Point congregations of the Intercession Episcopal Church and the Redeemer Lutheran Church are the first in Wisconsin to partner by sharing not only a building, but also a clergy person for the two churches. Together they are the Beloved Community of the Episcopal Church of the Intercession and Redeemer Lutheran Churches.

Premier/Largest Midwest Events

Portage County Cultural Festival
A day of fun, food, and learning organized 100% by volunteers.

Riverfront Jazz Festival
Local, regional, and internationally renowned jazz musicians coming together with the funds going to the UW-Stevens Point Jazz Studies program.

Walk Wisconsin
Noncompetitive yearly event for people of all ages and abilities on routes including all or parts of Portage County’s Green Circle.

State Embarrassments

Criminal First

Double Lynching
In October 1875, brothers Isiah and Amos Courtwright shot and killed Sheriff Joseph Baker. Stevens Point residents removed the the Courwrights from the jail and lynched them from a large jack pine tree. This was the first and only double lynching in Wisconsin.


Paula M. Kramer
Copyright 2019
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

Standards For Success Posters

Working With Others & Satisfying Others

Resource Websites

Business Directory

Reputation Management Directory

What White Supremacists Have To Give Up To Live Purely White Lives

White supremacy definition:

“the belief, theory, or doctrine that white people are inherently superior
to people from all other racial groups, especially black people, and are
therefore rightfully the dominant group in any society.”

White supremacists and white nationalists see other racial groups as threats to their supremacy, especially since the white population is declining compared to people of color. Many white supremacists and white nationalists feel they have the right to kill to protect themselves from other racial groups.

But to prove they are the dominant group, white supremacists have to prove they need nothing from any other racial group, especially blacks. Therefore, to protect themselves from all other racial groups — especially blacks — they should live purely white lives. To live purely white lives, white supremacists would have to give up:

Blood transfusions from blood banks


Controlled drug delivery

Eye disease diagnostic tests

Gunpowder and firearms

Heart surgery

Home surveillance systems with cameras


Potato chips

Television remotes

Vanilla extract

Following the descriptions below are examples from other groups who threaten white supremacists. I will add more examples as I find them.

Perhaps the best way to make use of the examples is to mention the origins as each example comes up in daily conversation. Talking about the origins in social situations where you are surrounded by people means more than one person should hear you. Also take advantage of social media opportunities to mention the origins. In my experience, indirect methods can sometimes be more effective than direct methods.

“I’m glad the Totonacan Indians of Mexico learned to extract vanilla
flavor from vanilla beans hundreds of years ago. It’s one of my favorite
spices, and it’s in lots of the food I eat.”

“My mother had heart surgery and it saved her life. If black man
Vivien Thomas hadn’t developed the techniques for heart surgery
when he did, my mother might be dead now.”

“Funny that so many people think that Jews are all about finances
when a Jew invented the TV remote control.”

Only 10 percent of a population is necessary to change the beliefs of the larger population. We can be part of that 10 percent if we take advantage of opportunities to talk about these examples. Some of the people who hear us will repeat the examples in their lives. White supremacists will eventually have to stop making false claims. Consider the false claims below.

“Minority Rules: Why 10 Percent is All You Need”
Matthew Philips
July 28, 2011

Iowa Congressman Steve King:

“I’d ask you to go back through history and figure out where these
contributions that have been made by these categories of people that
you’re talking about,” King said. “Where did any other sub-group of
people contribute more to civilization?”

“Than white people?” asked host Chris Hayes.

“Than western civilization itself,” King responded, “which is rooted in
western Europe, Eastern Europe and the United States of America,
and every place where the footprint of Christianity settled the world.
That’s all of western civilization.”

“Congressman Steve King: whites aided civilization more than other ‘sub-groups'”
Scott Bixby
The Guardian
July 18, 2016

Conservative Essayist Lawrence Auster:

Recently I wrote:

And that is all that blacks as an organized community have to
contribute to our civilization: endless complaints about white
injustice to blacks, and endless demands for the wealth and
goods that white people have produced, and that blacks are
incapable of producing.

To which a Christian blogger, Johann Happolati, responds:

This is absurd. In music alone (no small thing) blacks have made
many enduring contributions to civilization.

To avoid misunderstanding, I should have clarified the difference
between civilization and culture. While completely satisfactory
definitions of these concepts are not possible, and there is always
going to be some overlap between them, they are nevertheless
distinct. Civilization refers to the ordering principles and values
of a society: law, morality, government, philosophy, religion, science,
and technology, as well as art at its higher levels. Culture refers to the
expressions of a people, whether at the level of ordinary life, in the
sense of manners and morés and what we call a “way of life,” or at
the level of the arts and entertainment. Blacks have certainly made
contributions to our culture, in the areas of popular music and
idiom. They have made virtually no contribution to our civilization.”

“What Have Blacks Contributed To Our Civilization?”
Lawrence Auster
View From The Right
April 24, 2012

NASA named a 40,000-square-foot building the “Katherine G. Johnson Computational Research Facility” because Katherine Johnson made no contributions to science or technology?

Blood banks and heart surgery are not science?

Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall made no contribution to law?

“Thurgood Marshall was the first African-American U.S. Supreme Court
justice. Prior to becoming a judge, he founded and became the executive
director of the NAACP Legal Defence and Educational Fund.
His most well-known case as a lawyer was Brown v. Board of
Education of Topeka
available in HeinOnline’s U.S. Supreme
Court Library.
ScholarCheck statistics reflect that this case has
been cited by nearly 22,000 articles and more than 2,300 subsequent

“Research African-Americans’ Contributions to Legal History”
Shannon Sabo
HelmOnline Blog
February 16, 2016

Eugene Jacques Bullard made no contribution to France during World War I?

“During his lifetime, the French showered Bullard with honors, and in 1954,
he was one of three men chosen to relight the everlasting flame at the Tomb
of the Unknown Soldier in Paris. In October 1959 he was made a knight of the
Legion of Honor, the highest ranking order and decoration bestowed by France.
It was the fifteenth decoration given to him by the French government.”

Story: Eugene J. Bullard
Dominick Pisano
Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum
October 12, 2010

You get the idea.

Airplane Travel

In 1953, a small Piper propeller plane “literally fell out of the clear blue sky and crashed to the ground” after going through the trailing wake of a larger plane. National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics (NACA) engineers assigned employee Katherine Goble the task of analyzing the photographic film record of the flight’s vital signs. Goble noted airspeed, acceleration, altitude, and other metrics. She made the required conversions using equations the engineers supplied for analyzing the converted data. Finally, Goble plotted the data to give the engineers “a visual snapshot of the plane’s disrupted flight”. The engineers then set up an experiment recreating the circumstances of the accident. They also gave that data to Katherine Goble to analyze.

The data revealed that when a plane passes through an area, it can leave air disturbance that lasts for as long as half an hour. The wake of a larger plane can make a smaller plane stumble and fall out of the sky. Other research found the same consequences. Because of that combined research, new air traffic regulations required minimum distances between flight paths. After Katherine Goble’s husband died, she remarried. As Katherine Johnson, she is known through the book and movie, Hidden Figures.

Hidden Figures
Margot Lee Shetterly
New York: HarperCollins, 2016, quotes on page 128.

Blood Transfusions From Blood Banks

Father of Blood Banks Charles Drew, a black doctor, figured out how to process and preserve blood plasma, “banking” it for later use.

“Charles Drew”


The discovery of the coffee bean happened during the 8th century in Ethiopia or Yemen. The 15th century Sufi monasteries of Yemen have the first credible evidence for either coffee drinking or information about the coffee tree. Coffee spread throughout the Arab world before reaching Europe.

“Coffee and qahwa: How a drink for Arab mystics went global”
John McHugo
BBC News
April 18, 2013

“The History of Coffee”
Gourmet Coffee Lovers

Controlled Drug Delivery

Uruguayan Alejandro Zaffaroni’s companies invented Glucotrol to treat diabetes, Duragesic to manage chronic pain, Nicoderm CQ to quit smoking, and Transderm-Scop to prevent nausea and vomiting from motion sickness.

“Alejandro Zaffaroni”
Memorial Tributes: Volume 20
The National Academies Press

“ALZA Corporation History”
Funding Universe

Eye Disease Diagnostic Tests

Vietnamese-born biophysicist Dr. Tuan Vo-Dinh invented optical scanning diagnostic equipment that can detect and diagnose eye diseases.

“Tuan Vo-Dinh”
Duke University

“Tuan Vo-Dinh”
Oak Ridge National Laboratory

Gunpowder and Firearms

The Song or Sung Dynasty (960-1279) of China produced gunpowder and firearms.

“The Chinese Invention of Gunpowder, Explosives, and Artillery and Their Impact on European Warfare”

Heart Surgery

In 1930, white surgeon Alfred Blalock hired 19 year old black male Vivien Thomas to work in his surgical research lab. Thomas developed the techniques and the first instruments for heart surgery. Thomas talked Dr. Blalock through the first dozens of “Blue Baby” heart surgeries. Dr. Blalock required every surgeon learning heart surgery to take a class in surgical techniques from Thomas. All the first white surgeons from around the world learned the techniques for heart surgery from a black man who had no formal education beyond a high school diploma.

“It’s A Wonderful Story, It Brought Tears To My Eyes. Thanks For Letting Ss See It But Try It Elsewhere”
Jack Limpert
November 6, 2014

“Something the Lord Made”
Katie McCabe
The Washingtonian
August, 1989
Reprinted on Longform Reprints

“Vivien Thomas Pioneered Surgery That Saved Millions Of Lives”
Scott S. Smith
Investors Business Daily
February 22, 2016

Home Security Systems With Cameras

Marie Van Brittan Brown invented the first home security system with cameras.

“This African American woman invented your home security system”
Stephanie Buck
June 13, 2017


Chinese court official Cai Lun (also Ts’ai Lun) invented paper and the process for manufacturing paper.

“Cai Lun”
Encyclopedia Britannica

Potato Chips

African American/Native American George Crum was a chef who invented potato chips to please a picky customer.

“George Crum”

Television Remotes

Jew Robert G. Adler “was definitely the father of the clicker”, according to Jerry Pearlman, former chairman and chief executive of Zenith Electronics.

“The inventor of the ‘Remote Control’ dies.”
AnandTech Forums
Discussion started by techs
February 20, 2007

Vanilla Extract

The Totonaco Indians of Mexico were the first to extract vanilla from vanilla beans. Totonacans used vanilla as a medicine and a perfume. Aztecs later adopted vanilla and used it to flavor a chocolate drink. Eventually, the French learned how to cultivate vanilla beans and vanilla became one of the most widely used spices around the world.

“The History of Vanilla”
In Depth Info

Two More Threats to Superiority

For purity protection from people with disabilities and homosexuals, white supremacists should also give up:




Because she sees the world in a different way, autistic Temple Grandin understands animal behavior. Her insights have improved every step in the beef production process.

“Temple Grandin on how the autistic ‘think different'”
Karen Weintraub
USA Today
May 1, 2013


Homosexual Alan Turing was the father of computer science.

“Why Alan Turing is the father of computer science”
Jay McGregor
June 7, 2014

White supremacists should walk their talk if they want everyone else to accept their inherent superiority.


Any group of people can discriminate. Some gays are now joining white supremacists in discriminating against blacks and Jews.

“How the Alt-Right Is Using Sex and Camp to Attract Gay Men to Fascism”
Donna Minkowitz
June 5, 2017

Anyone who stereotypes others is practicing Foolish Failure at least. Full-Blown Failure, Fanatical Failure, Finding Fault Failure, and Blunder Backfires are also possible. Even intelligent people make failure choices.

Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Paula’s Poetry Posters

Perennial Possibilities For Peace

Resource Rock Star Details

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: People In General

Originally published June 18, 2014.

Revised and republished August 9, 2017 after a web host transfer.

In September 2017, I attended the Woman and Spirituality Conference in Rochester, Minnesota. The Diversity Council of Rochester offered the workshop “Ally Bootcamp For Courageous People”, led by executive director Dee Vazquez Sabol. I participated in the workshop and learned valuable strategies for a variety of situations. I adapted some of those strategies into Strategies For Shattering Stereotypes. Those strategies are at the end of this post. I recommend both the Women and Spirituality Conference and the Diversity Council.

The research into gossip goes back at least to the middle of the 20th century. Both men and women research gossip. Putting all of their research together, gossip is talk and writing about people — both other people and ourselves — in family, social, workplace, and public settings.

Both men and women gossip. I have more than one source stating that men gossip more than women. One source was a replication of an earlier study’s finding that old men gossiped the most. The replicated study found that old men do indeed gossip the most. However, old men gossip the most because they have the time and opportunity to gossip. Women who’ve spent their lives caring for others still do the work of daily living when they are old. Old men — especially in the middle of the 20th century — never faced cooking and cleaning and laundry expectations.

As a child in the 1950s, I lived next to a Protestant minister and his wife. Both were elderly. The minister had time and opportunity to gossip while his wife took in extra laundry to pay bills. When the minister felt like having a piece of pie, he would get his wife into the car and drive to a restaurant. No matter what the weather, the minister made his wife stay in the car while he went inside for pie and gossip. When the wife needed glaucoma surgery, the minister insisted she return to her household duties days later instead of six weeks later. The minister’s mid-20th century religious belief assured him that his desire for pampering was more important than his wife’s need for recovery. You can see how this elderly wife had little time and opportunity for gossip. The entire neighbor sighed in relief when the minister died first.

Much of the research shows that gossip is both positive and negative. I define gossip as good, bad, or ugly. Good gossip ignores or breaks stereotypes while bad and ugly gossip are based on negative stereotypes.

Negative stereotypes exist about everyone, no matter their age, gender, race, religion, profession, etc. These stereotype blog posts will help you understand the negative stereotypes about you. Each post will focus on one or two or a few characteristics.

My collection of stereotypes comes from books, magazines, newspapers, movies, television shows, radio programs, news shows, conversations, etc.

Stereotypes and categories overlap at times. I create categories of stereotypes as I have stereotype examples to put into those categories.


I started collecting stereotypes for an appendix in a book on gossip power. I recorded many of the citations in the index for the gossip book. As of today, I have 22 typed pages of just stereotypes and a cardboard box with more stereotypes. Eventually, I will separate the stereotype citations from the gossip book index and create a master list of all stereotype citations. It will be awhile, however.

I am publishing the stereotypes without citations because the sooner you know about them the sooner you can take action to counter the stereotypes other people use about you. Also, knowing about the stereotypes can help you avoid the negative consequences of using bad and ugly gossip. If you use negative stereotypes about other people, you are inviting other people to use negative stereotypes about you.

All stereotypes will be listed on this blog rather than in my book. There are just too many stereotypes to include all of them in the book.

Stereotype Updates

After I finish posting my 22 pages of stereotypes, I will start on my box of stereotypes. I will update the categories in each stereotype blog post as I come across them.

Make sure to read the Points to Ponder at the end of this post.

Negative Stereotypes About People In General
Listed In No Particular Order

The Relationship Between Men & Women


Beautiful People









rotten lovers

too impatient to work at relationships

Physically Unattractive People

political radicals (which stereotypes political radicals negatively)

homosexual (which stereotypes homosexuals negatively)

Geeks (Nerds)

real pains



social outcasts



less trustworthy

can’t be taken seriously




less attractive






Short People




Heavy People





unable to control self

unable to maintain personal health

take up too much space

Heavy Men


low self-esteem

lack will power

few friends






Heavy Women

few friends





low self-esteem

lack will power

Thin Men

few friends

Thin Women




Women In Jane Austen’s Time

laughing is a sign of sexual availability

showing teeth is a sign of being garrulous, plebeian, vulgar


extensions of women

Crack Babies


lost generation

permanently damaged


juvenile delinquents


bubble gum chewers

hormone laden slobs




Elderly People









slow moving






An Unhealthy Old Age Is…

a punishment for living “wrong”

Single Parent Families


Children From Single Parent Families

end up in trouble

Government Officials

tell lies

cover up the truth

engage in conspiracies to deprive citizens of their  liberty

People Not Part Of Organized Religions, Conspicuous Consumption, Car Culture


mentally ill

People Who Report Being Abducted By Aliens


inclined to fantasize

have a propensity to daydream

enthralled by novels


represent everyone in their ethnic group or religion

Arab terrorist attacks against Israel

come from racism and hatred without reason


gum-chewing ditzy snobs




Homeless People

want to be homeless

single men


Unemployed People


Truth Tellers




People Dependent An Others




uniquely feminine

Newspaper Readers, Television News Audience, & Radio News Audience




uninterested in good news

uninterested in hard facts

want soft news, uninterested in world news

only interested in crime

Television Audience To Advertisers



mindless boobs

Prison Inmates

lie about health problems

Points to Ponder

Did you notice that heavy men, heavy women, and thin men are all stereotyped as having few friends? Thin women, on the other hand, are stereotyped as flirtatious. Stereotypers believe heavy men, heavy women, and thin men are socially unsuccessful because their weight gives them little value. But stereotypers give thin women some social value. The other stereotypes about thin women are negative. To stereotypers, thin women have limited social value and limited social success.

Pay attention when stereotypers pick the same stereotype for opposite characteristics. They will do the same thing to you if it gives them what they want. Clues to what stereotypers want come from the situations in which they use stereotypes. Stereotypes satisfy a need within a situation. Those needs include superiority, control, and self-protection.

Strategies For Shattering Stereotypes

Choose a strategy based on the level of danger in the situation. Talk to the target in front of the harasser only if the situation is safe for conversation. If the situation is dangerous, create some kind of distraction. I now carry a personal alarm with me for creating distractions quickly.

Talking to the target instead of the harasser allows the harasser to just walk away. If harassing situations come up regularly in a workplace or other common location, you could also use these strategies at calm times to increase understanding about the consequences of using stereotypes. Just tell stories to your coworkers/colleagues as opportunities come up.

Adapt the strategies as you need to. Write about other successful strategies in the comments section.

Surprise The Harasser(s)

If you can possibly do so, give the harasser(s) a moment of dignity. People harassing others will not expect positive statements. The positive statements might be enough to stop them in that situation. One example:

“It’s obvious —– is having a bad day. Let’s give him/her/them time to
calm down and ease the strain on his/her/their heart(s). Let’s hope
tomorrow will be better.”

This statement tells the harasser(s) that they are under stress and deserve to feel better. By expressing concern for their health, you are letting them know you consider them valuable. They may not feel much value in their daily lives.

Visit the website below for resources on opening doors that give moments of dignity. Read People Success Example #5 on the People Success page. You’ll learn how I turned a bad relationship around using moments of dignity, and reaped an unexpected reward.

Make Yourself An Example

This works best if you are not whatever is the reason for the harassment, not Muslim, not black, not Jewish, not Hispanic, not whatever. If you can identify any commonality between yourself and the target(s), talk about them to the target.

“Excuse me, but I noticed that we share a taste for … How would you
recommend cooking it?”

Your commonality will at least partially shatter the stereotype.

Provide Information About Stereotypes

If you can connect to the Internet, bring up the appropriate stereotype blog post and tell the target what the stereotypes are about you and why they are wrong. You could start with:

“Did you know there are stereotypes about everyone? The stereotypes
about me are …, but they don’t fit me because …”

You would be shattering a stereotype in front of the harasser.

Talk About The Consequences Of Creating Failure

Visit this Success & Failure Choices page to read about various types of success and failure. If you can think of an example from your own life, tell that story. Otherwise, use one from the blog below.

You could use this example from “Standout Success For 19 Year Old Joey Prusak”:

“A Dairy Queen customer saw manager Joey Prusak stand up for a
visually impaired customer. The bystander customer sent an email
to Dairy Queen. The story ended up on Facebook. The owner of Dairy
Queen, Warren Buffet, called Joey to thank him. Queen Latifah invited
Joey to appear on her show and gave him money for his college fund.
NASCAR driver Kevin Harvick invited Joey to a race. Good things can
happen to people who take care of other people.”

Talk About The Benefits Of Living The Golden Rule

Remind the harasser of the Golden Rule:

“Since the Golden Rule is important to me, I’m going to treat you
the way I want to be treated. I also know that being kind to others
is good for my health.”

My favorite version of the Golden Rule comes from Buddhism, “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” See this PDF file for Golden Rule statements in 21 religions, 5 philosophies, and 2 moral/ethical systems to pick your favorite version.

Read up on the health benefits of kindness for details to talk about.

And again, write about other successful strategies in the comments.

Paula M. Kramer
Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

Standards For Success Posters

Good, Bad, & Ugly Gossip

Gossip Proverb

Free Online Resources For Avoiding Failure & Choosing Success

Activism Made Easier: Move Grassroots Information Out Of Meeting Rooms & Into Public Spheres


the most basic level of an activity or organization.
“the whole campaign would be conducted at the grass roots”
Synonyms: popular, of-the-people, bottom-up, nonhierarchical, rank-and file
“a grassroots movement”

ordinary people regarded as the main body of an organization’s membership
“you have lost touch with the grass roots of the party”

I received a postcard inviting me to a three hour meeting on a week day night for grassroots action on a county wide issue. A neighbor and I attended for an hour. That first hour was a series of short talks by several people. But presenting the information only at a three hour meeting on a single night eliminated whole groups of possible participants:

Single parents

Second shift workers

People with standing commitments for that night

Limiting the number of people who can participate makes any action less effective. Therefore, anyone who wants to take effective grassroots action needs to do the following:

Make grassroots information easily available.

Make grassroots participation easy.

Make grassroots action a matter of personal choice.

I came right home from the meeting and wrote up the suggestions below.

Some planning is necessary, of course. In 2012, nonviolent strategy icon Srdja Popovic identified three strategies the Occupy movement had to get exactly right:

Clear vision of tomorrow

Clear plan for pursuing that vision

Clear understanding that whatever happens in New York
or Boston or Denver is connected to a larger global
movement that stretches from the alleyways of Cairo to
the beaches of the Maldives

We now know that Occupy did not follow Popovic’s strategies.

Srdja Popovic created nonviolent strategies to bring down Yugoslavian President Slobodan Milosevic. Milosevic resigned in 2000, then died in prison during his trial for war crimes.

Popovic’s strategies were so effective that people from around the world came to him for advice. He set up a website ( and a university course. See the PDF files below for the information he makes free to anyone, including the textbook for the university course.

Popovic has stated that when it comes to ending oppression, fun can overcome fear. Keep that in mind as you read through my suggestions and plan grassroots actions.

Use the idea of fun as an effective strategy for all kinds of change. A neighborhood in Detroit thought up a way to have fun and get the city to pay attention.

Activism Made Easier

Set up a website for one particular community issue with a mailing list option.

Create one page for each topic with a comments section.

Each page has one topic paper with links to more resources, written by a presenter. The topic presenter becomes responsible for responding to comments and keeping this one page up to date.

Each topic paper lists only the high points first, followed by a detailed explanation for each high point. Some people want only high points, other people want all the details. More high point people would participate if you satisfy their need for mostly high points. Too many details frustrate them. I know, because I’m a high point person.

Participants could include links to more information in the comments section, ask questions, and read responses from topic presenters.

Publicize the website on social media. Announce the date and time for a 90 minute meeting. Say the meeting is a project meeting that requires participants to have read the topic papers.

For county or city wide issues, hold meetings in different parts of the county or city.

In each meeting room, have tables set up for each topic, identified by standing signs.

Have name tags and pens at each table.

Upon arriving, every member sits at the topic table that interests them. Shift chairs around if necessary because participants will be most effective working on the topics that matter most to them.

Use the first 10 to 15 minutes for topic presenters to provide last minute updates, then set the groups to work.

Each topic participant can speak only 2 minutes at a time. Everyone gets at least one turn to speak. No one speaks a second time until everyone has spoken once. No one speaks a third time unless people decline their second chance to speak.

Each topic group should discuss:

Ideas for individual and/or group action, including fun actions

Methods for measuring the effectiveness of each action

Topics for further discussion

The last 15 minutes could include one sentence statements about actions each member of each topic group will take.

One participant from each topic group then posts the ideas for action, methods for measurement, and topics for further discussion in the comments section for the topic paper.

People who can’t attend meetings will have all the same information as well as ideas for action to choose from, including fun actions. They can participate through the comments section. Use the mailing list to make announcements.

Srdja Popovic

“The Revolutionist”
Liel Leibovitz
The Atlantic
March 2012, 21-22

Some controversy exists over Popovic’s actions after Wikileaks revelations. He is in Wikileaks because his strategies are effective. Just use them ethically.

“2000: Milosevic quits, street celebrations continue”
On This Day: October 6

“Wikileaks Docs Expose Framed Serbian Activist’s Ties to ‘Shadow CIA'”
Carl Gibson and Steve Horn
In These Times
December 2, 2013

“Without a path from protest to power, the Women’s March will end up like Occupy”
Micah White
The Guardian

January 19, 2017

PDF Files

Nonviolent Struggle: 50 Crucial Points

CANVAS Core Curriculum: A Guide To Effective Nonviolent Struggle
(Centre for Applied Nonviolent Action and Strategies)

Making Oppression Backfire

Detroit Neighborhood

“Sinkhole in Detroit Turned Into Fishing Pond by Residents”
Avianne Tan
ABC News
August 25, 2015

“Urban Detroit fishing hole drained; finned tenants relocated”
Gus Burns
August 25, 2015

© Paula M. Kramer
Transformation Trainer
Resource Rock Star

Copyright 2017
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Websites

After Decades Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), I Know How To Feel Safe

Originally published November 6, 2013.

Republished January 25, 2017 after a web host transfer.

My post traumatic stress disorder began in my horrific childhood. My method of feeling safe may be more effective for people with similar backgrounds. I had to cope with horrific actions from one person. Military veterans, on the other hand, cope with horrific actions from tens, hundreds, or thousands of people. Vets with PTSD from war experiences may need different methods or more than one method for feeling safe. Service dogs, for instance, mean many vets can take less medication and live with fewer unsettling surprises. Service dogs also provide breathing room in social situations, putting themselves between their vet and other people. Vets can use their dogs’ need for walks as a reason to leave when a social situation becomes overwhelming. Service dog organizations include Hero Dogs, K9s for Warriors, Patriot PAWS, and Pets for Vets. Perhaps vets could combine service dogs with finding their safety experience for even greater relief. Victims of crime would have experiences closer to mine, since I am the victim of attempted murder.

Farming is another way for vets to get past their PTSD.

See this article for what civilians can do to help veterans with PTSD. See full citation below.

My PTSD  began the first time my mother tried to kill me. It increased after the second time she tried to kill me. After failing to kill me physically, my mother spent the rest of my childhood doing her best to kill me mentally and emotionally. Decades later I finally understood that my mother wanted me dead because I was her second daughter instead of her first son.

My PTSD was compounded by the Biblical story of Abraham and Isaac. If Abraham was willing to kill his son because God told him to, I feared my mother would kill me if other people told her to. And then I became terrified that anyone who didn’t like something about me would try to kill me. But after decades of terror that anyone could kill me, I now know how to feel safe. I have a happy ending I never expected.

Murder is a physical and emotional experience. My physical and emotional safety experience — the one that washes away the terror — is listening to the main and end title music from the movie To Kill a Mockingbird. To read how I made the discovery of my safety experience and why it is a physical and emotional experience for me, read the Murder Secret Families page at Since I wrote about this in detail on that page, I will not write about it in detail here. But, I will explain what to look for so that other people with PTSD can identify their safety experiences. Below are specific steps to take, but first I will explain what I now know about safety experiences.

Your Safety Experience Will Stand Out in Your Life in Some Way, Maybe in Many Ways

I do not remember when I saw To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time. I do know that it immediately became my favorite movie. As an adult, I recorded the movie to my VCR so I wouldn’t have to wait for a television network to air it. Every time I watched the movie, I made sure to listen to the opening music without distraction. After the movie ended, I kept rewinding so I could listen to the end music repeatedly. If you read or at least skim the Murder Secret Families page, you will see that I wrote about watching the movie in my journal repeatedly. I even wrote that I identified with the character Boo Radley, but wanted to be the character Scout (June 12, 1993 on the Murder Secret Families page). Scout survived attempted murder and was able to feel safe again. I survived attempted murder and wanted to feel safe.

Your Safety Experience Will Probably Satisfy a Behavior Style Need

In the DISC behavior system, I am a High I/High S (High I over High S). If you need information about the DISC system, you can download my free S&R Keys file from The file also explains six basic values to help you identify your guiding values and rank your other values. Knowing your value ranking could help in identifying your safety experience.

High I people ease stress through socializing with other people. High S people ease stress through quiet activities. High I people are emotionally expressive. High S people are emotionally nonexpressive. I am emotionally expressive when it comes to having fun or telling stories about people who created positive turning points in my life. I can still cry when I tell these stories. One turning point happened in 1981, the other happened in 1996, and I can still cry when I talk about them.

When I need to express my deepest emotions, I do so by writing poetry. Writing poetry is a quiet activity. When I need to reassure myself with positive emotions, I do so through music. Listening to the music that represents positive emotions to me is also a quiet activity. Even though I am a High I first and a High S second, I relieve stress and express my deepest emotions through my Secondary High S behavior style need for quiet activities.

Your Safety Experience Will Add More to Your Life Than Feelings of Safety

In my first few months of feeling safe every day, my life improved in other ways.

First, I have been doing research for years for various books I’m writing and revising. For all those years, I put the various articles I’ve collected into boxes and brown paper bags, letting them sit instead of filing them. I kept thinking about filing them, but never had the energy to do it. After about four months of feeling safe, I suddenly started filing the articles. At first, I filed at least a few articles everyday. Now I file articles weekly. I’m still doing research, but by the time I finish the research everything will be filed. I’ll be able to start writing the revisions without further delay.

Second, I now know how to write each book more effectively. I know how to determine the purpose of each chapter, I know how to use just the right amount of information to make the points in each chapter, and I know how to explain what needs explaining. One of the books is based on what I wrote in my journal about therapy and about the clues in my life that helped me recognize my mother’s attempts to kill me. That is my most difficult book to write. Over the years since I discovered my safety experience, I have refined the structure of the book to satisfy a variety of readers.

Third, I feel safe taking actions for myself in ongoing relationships. Taking actions for myself used to feel scary. If my own mother could kill me, anyone else in the world could kill me.

Fourth, I can meet new people with less anxiety. In the past, meeting new coworkers or supervisors or groups made me anxious that someone would decide to kill me if they didn’t like something about me. The last time I remember feeling that anxious was in the spring of 2014.

Fifth, I have been doing a talk at a conference every year for five or six years. The talk is based on three examples from my own research and how those examples apply to something completely different. For the first several years of the talk, I kept asking myself why I included the first example. It’s a good thing none of the participants ever asked me why I included that example because I could not have explained why. I did not know why I included that example.

After weeks of feeling safe, I suddenly knew why I included that example. It made perfect sense to me and I could easily explain it. The next time I did that talk, I explained my difficulty understanding why I included that example to my audience. When I told them my new understanding of why I included that example, it made perfect sense to them, too.

Identifying Your Safety Experience

To identify your own safety experience, follow these 5 steps:

Step 1

Identify your High and Secondary High behavior styles.
Use the Quick Look pages for behavior styles in my
S&R Keys download from

Step 2

Identify your High and Secondary High stress relief needs
on the “Behavior Style Keys for Opening Doors to Personal
& Professional Success” page of the S&R Keys download.

Step 3

Figure out if you ease stress through your High or Secondary
High behavior style, then identify all the activities that ease
your stress.

Step 4

Identify your guiding values using the Quick Look pages in
the S&R Keys download. Rank the remaining values.
Read through the values and think about how each value
affects your feelings.

Step 5

Identify how you express your deepest emotions. Feeling
safe is a deep emotion. If your PTSD is so overwhelming
that you cannot identify any feelings of safety, start with
any positive emotion you can identify.

I talked about being afraid of my mother in therapy with two different therapists. Neither therapist ever asked what made me feel safe. If they had asked, I would not have been able to answer right away. I would have had to think about it, probably for weeks or months. I wasn’t looking for my safety experience when I found it. I was adding different pieces of my favorite music for experiencing feelings to my iPod. I put Mockingbird on my iPod thinking I would listen to it occasionally. Instead, I felt a need to listen to it everyday. I hadn’t even identified the feelings I experienced while listening to Mockingbird. I just knew it allowed me to experience feelings I needed to experience. I finally figured out that Mockingbird meant safety to me one night while I was listening to it. I was sitting in the dark in my parlor, listening to Mockingbird and wondering why I needed to listen to it. I suddenly understood.

My PTSD was part of a terrible secret in my life and in my family. I had to acknowledge feelings of terror before I could acknowledge feelings of safety. It took four decades to acknowledge the feelings of terror. It took another two decades before I learned how to recognize the feelings of safety. But I didn’t have anyone helping me recognize my safety experience. If my therapists had asked what made me feel safe, I would have at least started thinking about it. I could have discovered my safety experience sooner if professionals had given me the help that fit my needs instead of their perspectives.

I hope this blog post is enough to get you to your safety experience sooner.

Make full use of all the downloads you find at

After You Identify Your Safety Experience

Once you have identified your safety experience, bring that experience into your life as much as possible. At first, I listened to Mockingbird on my iPod every evening. Then I started listening to it as I fell asleep. I was sleeping the first time my mother tried to kill me. I woke up to my mother trying to smother me. For decades, I had trouble going to sleep and staying asleep. I still have trouble sleeping at times.

On bad days I listened to Mockingbird for hours.

Now I have a playlist that has the main and end titles listed twice. I listen to that just about everyday.

I listen to Mockingbird while reading through the book based on my journal. I can read only a few pages at a time, but I started the book years ago and couldn’t reread it to finish writing it until I discovered my safety experience.

I listened to Mockingbird while writing this blog post.

Each Person with PTSD Has to Identify His or Her Own Safety Experience

I am unable to identify a safety experience for anyone else. Please do not email me with questions because I will not respond. After identifying your behavior style and guiding value combination, think about how your behavior styles and guiding values interact in your life.

Could Safety Experiences Erase PSTD?

If I listen to Mockingbird often enough will it erase my PTSD for good? I don’t know. I do have a chronology of improvement, however.

For decades, terror episodes were so real I didn’t know I was in a terror episode. Some of the terror episodes lasted for days.

After listening to Mockingbird for months, I became able to recognize terror episodes while I was in them. I could listen to Mockingbird to help me get out of them.

Then, I became able to talk myself out of the terror episodes when I wasn’t able to listen to Mockingbird. At first, talking myself out took hours, then dwindled down to minutes.

Almost four years after I started purposefully listening to Mockingbird to feel safe, I have not experienced any terror for almost three years. This is in part due to an experience that happened the last time I felt the terror.

I still do not feel completely comfortable meeting people in certain situations. But I only feel uncomfortable, not anxious.

Even if I someday experience another terror episode, I now know how to feel safe. Knowing how to feel safe is enough for me. I can have days and weeks and months and years of feeling safe. For me, feeling safe for any part of any day is a happy ending.

If you have PTSD, I hope you find your happy ending.

“The amazing grace of Unit 1”
Anna Mulrine
The Christian Science Monitor Weekly
May 30, 2016, pages 21-23

“Can Civilians Do Anything to Help Veterans With PTDS?”
Matthew Russell
The Veterans Site
No Date

Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.
Updated August 18, 2017

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Rock Star Details