Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Romance

My collection of stereotypes comes from books, magazines, newspapers, movies, television shows, radio programs, news shows, conversations, etc. Sources can be 10s to 100s to 1000s of years old.

Stereotypes and categories overlap at times. I create categories of stereotypes as I have stereotype examples to put into those categories.

The research into gossip goes back at least to the middle of the 20th century. Both men and women research gossip. Putting all of their research together, this is my definition:

Gossip is talk and writing about people
— both other people and ourselves —
in family, social, workplace, and public settings.

Much of the research shows that gossip is both positive and negative. I define gossip as good, bad, or ugly. Good gossip ignores or breaks stereotypes. Bad gossip uses stereotypes. Ugly gossip manufactures stereotypes.

Negative stereotypes exist about everyone, no matter their age, gender, race, religion, profession, etc. These stereotype blog posts will help you understand the negative stereotypes about you.

If you use negative stereotypes about people who are different from you, you are inviting everyone who hears you to use negative stereotypes about you.

Stereotype Updates

I add stereotypes as I come across them.

I will add the new stereotypes at the bottom of each listing, putting ~~~~~ between the older stereotypes and the new stereotypes.

More Stereotypes

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: People In General

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Ethnic, National, & Racial Identities

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Workplaces

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Poverty

~~~~~~~~~~

Tired of losing out to stereotypes?
Learn strategies for taking positive control
in the small spaces of situations and relationships.
People who take positive control position themselves to attract unimagined success.

softskillstrategycourses.com

~~~~~~~~~~

Romantic Relationships In General

Relationships Between Men & Women

war

The Most Successful Relationship Is Between

a man with a high level career and a woman with a low level career

Romantic Relationships Are Likely To End If

the woman has a high status career and stays in her career

Older Women With Younger Men

trying to hang onto youth

Younger Women With Older Men

golddiggers

If A Woman Fails While Her Partner Succeeds It Means…

the man had the ability to succeed
the woman didn’t have the ability to succeed

If A Woman Succeeds While Her Partner Fails It Means The Woman…

caused her partner’’s failure
could destroy the relationship

Women In Romantic Relationships

should give up jobs when children are born
should not accept a job offer that could jeopardize partner’s career

Abusive Relationships

Violence Happens Only In

heterosexual relationships
men do all the abusing

Women Battered By Men

masochists
castrators
flirts
blameless

Men Battered By Women

liars
freaks

Men Who Batter Women

hotheaded
drunk brutes

Woman Who Batter Men

drunk
unstable
shrewish

 

Individual Characteristics

Obese People

less attractive
lower self-esteem
less likely to be dating
less erotic
deserve fat, ugly partners

 

Interracial Relationships

Black Women Dating & Marrying White Men

looking for money
looking for status
looking for something they don’t have

White Men Marrying Black Women

living a fetish
stealing Black women from their community

 

Men

All Men

Unfinished without a woman’s touch

Single Men

unhappy
interested in whether a prospective date has not girlfriends
looks at his watch because he’s bored
love women who dress like sluts
easy horn dogs
like skinny girls
like younger women
like big breasts, real or fake
like open relationships
commitment-phobes
don’t like aggressive women
always want to be dominant
want dumb women

Men Over 70

projects

Men Who Dress Revealingly

less liked
not sexy

Muscular Men

domineering
controlling
mean
abusive in relationships with overweight or underweight people

Messy Magician, Life Coach, “Crypto Guy” on The Bachelorette

shallow dates

Women

Older, Never Married Women
mentally ill

Single Women

unhappy
selfish
insecure
lonely
dysfunctional
desperate to find a mate
clueless about finances and investing
let their appearance go as they age
sex-starved
less healthy than married women

Women Who Dress Revealingly

seen by men as seductive
seen by women as not nice

Women Who Go To A Bar, Have A Nightcap In An Apartment, Dress Up

interested in sex

Women Who Drink Alcohol

sexually available
more aggressive
have few social skills

Opposite Stereotypes

Opposite Stereotypes #1

Women Battered By Men

masochists ≠ castrators

Points To Ponder

These stereotypes make abusive men inherently bad, ignoring “substance abuse, mental illness, childhood trauma, race, culture, and poverty.”

The stereotypes ignore the women who abuse men in romantic relationships. My mother was one of those abusers. She emotionally abused my father.

“Help for Men Who are Being Abused”
Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, PhD
HelpGuide
Last updated: January 2021.

“The Stereotyped Offender: Domestic Violence and the Failure of Intervention”
Carolyn B. Ramsay
Penn State Law Review
2015

“We Run a Hotline for Male Victims and Perpetrators of Domestic Violence”
Avi Mor and Malka Genachowski
Newsweek: My Turn
April 28, 2021

~~~~~~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Because medical professionals misdiagnosed my childhood spinal injury for 33 years, I’ve lived with the stereotypes about people with disabilities. No one alive has any guarantee that they will never become disabled. How many elderly people confined to wheelchairs planned to be confined to wheelchairs at the end of their lives? None, of course.

You face the same stereotypes if you become disabled. Break stereotypes about disabled people to protect yourself in the future.

 

Strategies For Shattering Stereotypes

Choose a strategy based on the level of danger in the situation. Talk to the target in front of the harasser only if the situation is safe for conversation. If the situation is dangerous, create some kind of distraction. I now carry a personal alarm with me for creating distractions quickly.

Talking to the target instead of the harasser allows the harasser to just walk away. If harassing situations come up regularly in a workplace or other common location, you could also use these strategies at calm times to increase understanding about the consequences of using stereotypes. Just tell stories to your coworkers/colleagues as opportunities come up.

Adapt the strategies as you need to. Write about other successful strategies in the comments section.

Surprise The Harasser(s)

If you can possibly do so, give the harasser(s) a moment of dignity. People harassing others will not expect positive statements. The positive statements might be enough to stop them in that situation. One example:

“It’s obvious —– is having a bad day. Let’s give him/her/them time to
calm down and ease the strain on his/her/their heart(s). Let’s hope
tomorrow will be better.”

This statement tells the harasser(s) that they are under stress and deserve to feel better. By expressing concern for their health, you are letting them know you consider them valuable. They may not feel much value in their daily lives.

Visit the website below for resources on opening doors that give moments of dignity. Read People Success Example #5 on the People Success page. You’ll learn how I turned a bad relationship around using moments of dignity, and reaped an unexpected reward.

smilessparksuccess.com

Make Yourself An Example

This works best if you are not whatever is the reason for the harassment, not Muslim, not black, not Jewish, not Hispanic, not whatever. If you can identify any commonality between yourself and the target(s), talk about them to the target.

“Excuse me, but I noticed that we share a taste for … How would you
recommend cooking it?”

Your commonality will at least partially shatter the stereotype.

Provide Information About Stereotypes

If you can connect to the Internet, bring up the appropriate stereotype blog post and tell the target what the stereotypes are about you and why they are wrong. You could start with:

“Did you know there are stereotypes about everyone? The stereotypes
about me are …, but they don’t fit me because …”

You would be shattering a stereotype in front of the harasser.

Talk About The Consequences Of Creating Failure

Visit this Success & Failure Choices page to read about various types of success and failure. If you can think of an example from your own life, tell that story. Otherwise, use one from the blog below.

You could use this example from “Standout Success For 19 Year Old Joey Prusak”:

“A Dairy Queen customer saw manager Joey Prusak stand up for a
visually impaired customer. The bystander customer sent an email
to Dairy Queen. The story ended up on Facebook. The owner of Dairy
Queen, Warren Buffet, called Joey to thank him. Queen Latifah invited
Joey to appear on her show and gave him money for his college fund.
NASCAR driver Kevin Harvick invited Joey to a race. Good things can
happen to people who take care of other people.”

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Talk About The Benefits Of Living The Golden Rule

Remind the harasser of the Golden Rule:

“Since the Golden Rule is important to me, I’m going to treat you
the way I want to be treated. I also know that being kind to others
is good for my health.”

My favorite version of the Golden Rule comes from Buddhism, “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” See these Golden Rule statements in 21 religions, 5 philosophies, and 2 moral/ethical systems to pick your favorite version.

Read up on the health benefits of kindness for details to talk about.

And again, write about other successful strategies in the comments.

~~~~~~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Success & Failure Choices

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Soft Skills Are Power Skills

softskillstrategycourses.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.