Should You Believe The National Organization For Women (NOW)? Example #1

Equality between men and women will follow equality between:
white women and women of color,
upper class women, middle class women, and lower class women,
feminist women and non-feminist women,
feminist leaders and feminist followers.

In 2008, I started paying attention to the website for the National Organization for Women (NOW). For all of those years, NOW has made this sort of claim on the About page of its website.

NOW has hundreds of chapters and hundreds of thousands of
members and activists in all 50 states and the District of Columbia.

After a few years, I started checking those claims. Never once did I find chapters in all 50 states. I always found “Sorry, no chapters found” for several states. Other states listed the name of a chapter, but the chapters had no website or social media.

Also, when I first started paying attention, NOW claimed to have more than 500,000 members. After I started writing blog posts about feminist leaders, that number changed. You’ll note that NOW currently claims, “hundreds of thousands of members and activists”. Note that being a member apparently does not make one an activist.

At the end of February 2017, I did detailed research into NOW chapters for every single state. This is my research on NOW Chapters. As of my detailed research, NOW still did not have chapters in all 50 states. Of the “hundreds of chapters”, only 132 were active. Since the total number of chapters was 228, fewer than 60 percent of all chapters were active.

When I posted the PDF files to each active NOW chapter, several of them reported me to Facebook for spam. Facebook banned me from making comments anywhere. I contacted Facebook and explained that I was informing an activist organization about effective strategies for change. Facebook lifted the ban within hours. Heaven forbid that NOW chapters be as effective as Srdja Popovic, a leader of the student movement that helped topple Serbian president Slobodan Milošević.

I can give you my perspective on why NOW chapters are inactive. I spent one year as a member of a no longer existing chapter. Booooorrrrring. Lots of sitting around listening to the local president read information from the national organization. I remember being one of three people at many meetings. That was decades ago, but if more than 40% of NOW chapters are currently inactive, being a NOW members is still not an exhilarating experience.

As I publish this post, NOW still has states with “Sorry, no chapters found”.

Should you believe what NOW claims about its chapters? You decide.

The Little County That Can & Does: World, National, & State Firsts

Originally published August 28, 2013.

Revised and republished October 11, 2017 after a web host transfer.

Portage County, Wisconsin (population a little more than 70,000) is The Little County That Can & Does because it is lucky and smart. Portage County is lucky because it grew up with everything it needed to create success. Many Portage County residents are smart because they use their luck to create a variety of successes. Today, Portage County is a hotbed of spectacular success. The book From Pyramids to Circles: Shaping Groups to Succeed will include chapters about both Portage County and Wood County in Wisconsin.

Wood County was not as lucky as its neighbor Portage County because it did not grow up with everything it needed to create spectacular success. However, the residents of South Wood County are learning to shape their county to create the kinds of success that can lead to spectacular success.

From Pyramids To Circles is currently in revision. Blog posts about Portage County and Wood County will be listed in the book as further reading.

Because Portage County residents are both lucky and smart, the county is also a hotbed of world firsts, national firsts, state firsts, and models of effectiveness.

When appropriate, firsts appear in more than one category.

The wide range of firsts indicates what is possible when the situational factors necessary for spectacular success are present in one place.

Contact paula at speakingfromtriumph dot com with additions and corrections. Both are welcome.

Embarrassing Firsts

As of November 2017, I added an embarrassing Portage County state first. No one is perfect. Embarrassing Portage County firsts are at the bottom of this post.

Portage County, Wisconsin Volunteers

The spectacular successes are possible because of the people who volunteer to make events successful. I am now interviewing Portage County volunteers, asking these five questions.

1. Have you always lived in Portage County? If yes, skip to #4.

2. How long have you lived in Portage County?

3. How is Portage County different from the other places you’ve lived?

4. What do you enjoy about living in Portage County?

5. How does your volunteer work benefit your life in Portage County?

If you are a Portage County, Wisconsin volunteer and would like to participate in the research for my book, please send your answers to the email address above.

Thank you.
Paula Kramer


Educational First

Becoming an Outdoors-Woman
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Educational First

Aber Suzuki Center & American Suzuki Institute
Originally known only as American Suzuki Institute, the Aber Suzuki Center is the first Suzuki Institute in the world outside of Japan.

Business Firsts

Women In Trucking Association
The Women In Trucking Association is the first association for women truckers in the world. Men can be members as well. The Women In Trucking Association has members in North America, Australia, and Europe.

The Women In Trucking Association initiated an event for Girl Scouts to earn a Transportation Patch. Working with the Greater Chicago/Northern Indiana regional office, the Women In Trucking Association developed the curriculum and patch. The event has been repeated in the United States and Canada (Girl Guides in Canada).

My Record Now
Online directory that creates positive identities for ex-offenders and other people with mugshots to offset the character assassination of mugshots.  Also provides four closed group Facebook pages for mutual emotional and financial support.


Trivia Contest
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point radio station, WWSP 90fm

Renewable Energy Fair
Midwest Renewable Energy Association

Student Operated Paper Machine
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
Paper Science and Engineering


Educational Firsts

Cottage at Stevens Point Normal School
For students to learn how to run a household

Conservation Education Major
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Bachelor of Music Degree
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Student/Faculty Television
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Communication Program
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Student Chapter of the American Water Resources Association
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Wellness Program in University Life
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Computer Information System Major
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
early 1980s

Paper Machine Designed for Teaching
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Suzuki Voice Training

First American to Fulfill Voice Requirements of the European Suzuki Association
Suzuki Singing Books 1 through 4
Mary Hofer

Undergraduate Health Promotion and Wellness Programs
National Wellness Institute

Wellness Academic Accreditation Program Institute
National Wellness Institute

Student Government Association’s Environmental and Sustainability Issues
Director and Committee
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Business First

Restaurant Salad Bar
Sky Club

Media Firsts

Radio Broadcasting Station at a Teachers College

Student/Faculty Television
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Health Firsts

Wellness Symposiums, Now National Wellness Conference

Six Dimensions of Wellness Model
Dr. Bill Hettler
(National wellness founder along with Dennis Elsenrath and Fred Leafgren)
Intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, occupational, and physical wellness

First Institute with Wellness as its Mission
National Wellness Institute
(Originally launched as Institute for Lifestyle Improvement by the
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point Foundation)

Environmental Firsts

Conservation Education Major
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Student Chapter of the American Water Resources Association
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Green Circle That Forms a Physical Circle Around a Community

Artistic Firsts

Bachelor of Music Degree
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Suzuki Voice Training

First American to Fulfill Voice Requirements of the European Suzuki Association
Suzuki Singing Books 1 through 4
Mary Hofer

Award Firsts

First Recipient of Friends of Lulu’s “Women of Distinction” Award
Maggie Thompson
(Friends of Lulu existed from 1994 to 2011)
National organization promoting women as readers and participants in the comic book industry

First Recipient of the Transportation Innovators Champion of Change Award
Ellen Voie, President & CEO
Women In Trucking Association
Presented by the Barack Obama White House

Models Of Effectiveness

CAP Services
Community action against poverty
(Asked where Portage County gets its volunteers, the late CAP President
Karl Pnazek replied, “I pick them off the sidewalk. They just grow here.”)

Central Rivers Farmshed
Events, programs, workshops, and resources that support a local food economy

Community Care of Portage County
Long term care for the elderly and disabled
(Until the state of Wisconsin changed home healthcare in Wisconsin)

Teaching Partners
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
College of Professional Studies
Pairing faculty and teaching academic staff for discussions about teaching and learning

Wisconsin Lake Leaders Institute
Management of lakes and working with state and local governments

Wisconsin/Nicaragua Partners of the Americas
Peer to peer partnership

Writing Lab (now Tutoring-Learning Center)
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Horticultural Only

“Hans Aanrud” Triumph Tulips
Named for Hans Aanrud, Norwegian writer, drama critic.
Great uncle of Portage County resident Ruth Aanrud.
Ruth has kept the tulips growing in her garden since the 2010s.


Educational First

Student Organization to Work with North Central Conservancy Trust
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
Land Conservation Society

Environmental Firsts

Renewable Energy Fair
Midwest Renewable Energy Association

First Publicly Owned Project to Earn LEED Platinum
George W. Mead Wildlife Area Education & Visitor Center
Architect Thomas Brown, Stevens Point
Mead Wildlife Area encompasses land in Marathon, Portage, and Wood Counties.

First Solar Transpired Wall
Stevens Point Airport

Green Tier Status
Central Waters Brewing Company

Student Organization to Work with North Central Conservancy Trust
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point
Land Conservation Society

UW Campus with 100% Electricity from Renewable Sources
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

We Are Still In Declaration
The “We Are Still In” declaration was released June 5, 2017. Leaders across the United States are signing the declaration, committing their organizations to the Paris Agreement on combating climate change. University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point Chancellor Bernie Patterson was the first chancellor in the University of Wisconsin system to sign the declaration.

First University Of Wisconsin School Named To The Princeton Review Green College Honor Roll
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

First University Of Wisconsin School To Achieve 100 Percent Renewable Electricity
University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point

Agricultural First

Anaerobic Digester
Gordondale Farms

Artistic First

First Sculpture Park Owned by a Municipality
Stevens Point Sculpture Park

Investment First

Investment in Healthy Food Enterprises
Incredible Edibles Investment Club, LLC
One member lives in Wood County

Religion First

Call to Common Mission
In 2000, the Episcopal Church and the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America came to an agreement known as The Call to Common Mission. The agreement allows the two denominations to share worship, clergy, evangelism, and outreach. The Stevens Point congregations of the Intercession Episcopal Church and the Redeemer Lutheran Church are the first in Wisconsin to partner by sharing not only a building, but also a clergy person for the two churches. Together they are the Beloved Community of the Episcopal Church of the Intercession and Redeemer Lutheran Churches.


Free Cultural Festival
Portage County Cultural Fest

Walk Wisconsin
Noncompetitive yearly event for people of all ages and abilities
Routes include all or parts of Portage County’s Green Circle

State Embarrassments

Criminal First

Double Lynching
In October 1875, brothers Isiah and Amos Courtwright shot and killed Sheriff Joseph Baker. Stevens Point residents removed the the Courwrights from the jail and lynched them from a large jack pine tree. This was the first and only double lynching in Wisconsin.


Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Standards For Success Posters

Working With Others & Satisfying Others

Resource Rock Star Details

What White Supremacists Have To Give Up To Live Purely White Lives

White supremacy definition:

“the belief, theory, or doctrine that white people are inherently superior
to people from all other racial groups, especially black people, and are
therefore rightfully the dominant group in any society.”

White supremacists see other racial groups as threats to their supremacy, especially since the white population is declining compared to people of color. Many white supremacists feel they have the right to kill to protect themselves from other racial groups.

To prove they are the dominant group, white supremacists have to prove they need nothing from any other racial group, especially blacks. To protect themselves from all other racial groups, especially blacks, they should live purely white lives. To live purely white lives, white supremacists would have to give up:

Blood transfusions from blood banks


Controlled drug delivery

Eye disease diagnostic tests

Gunpowder and firearms

Heart surgery

Home surveillance systems with cameras


Potato chips

Television remotes

Vanilla extract

Following the descriptions below are examples from other groups who threaten white supremacists. I will add more examples as I find them.

Perhaps the best way to make use of the examples is to mention the origins as each example comes up in daily conversation. Talking about the origins in social situations where you are surrounded by people means more than one person should hear you. Also take advantage of social media opportunities to mention the origins. In my experience, indirect methods can sometimes be more effective than direct methods.

“I’m glad the Totonacan Indians of Mexico learned to extract vanilla
flavor from vanilla beans hundreds of years ago. It’s one of my favorite
spices, and it’s in lots of the food I eat.”

“My mother had heart surgery and it saved her life. If black man
Vivien Thomas hadn’t developed the techniques for heart surgery
when he did, my mother might be dead now.”

“Funny that so many people think that Jews are all about finances
when a Jew invented the TV remote control.”

Only 10 percent of a population is necessary to change the beliefs of the larger population. We can be part of that 10 percent if we take advantage of opportunities to talk about these examples. Some of the people who hear us will repeat the examples in their lives. White supremacists will eventually have to stop making false claims. Consider the false claims below.

“Minority Rules: Why 10 Percent is All You Need”
Matthew Philips
July 28, 2011

Iowa Congressman Steve King:

“I’d ask you to go back through history and figure out where these
contributions that have been made by these categories of people that
you’re talking about,” King said. “Where did any other sub-group of
people contribute more to civilization?”

“Than white people?” asked host Chris Hayes.

“Than western civilization itself,” King responded, “which is rooted in
western Europe, Eastern Europe and the United States of America,
and every place where the footprint of Christianity settled the world.
That’s all of western civilization.”

“Congressman Steve King: whites aided civilization more than other ‘sub-groups'”
Scott Bixby
The Guardian
July 18, 2016

Conservative Essayist Lawrence Auster:

Recently I wrote:

And that is all that blacks as an organized community have to
contribute to our civilization: endless complaints about white
injustice to blacks, and endless demands for the wealth and
goods that white people have produced, and that blacks are
incapable of producing.

To which a Christian blogger, Johann Happolati, responds:

This is absurd. In music alone (no small thing) blacks have made
many enduring contributions to civilization.

To avoid misunderstanding, I should have clarified the difference
between civilization and culture. While completely satisfactory
definitions of these concepts are not possible, and there is always
going to be some overlap between them, they are nevertheless
distinct. Civilization refers to the ordering principles and values
of a society: law, morality, government, philosophy, religion, science,
and technology, as well as art at its higher levels. Culture refers to the
expressions of a people, whether at the level of ordinary life, in the
sense of manners and morés and what we call a “way of life,” or at
the level of the arts and entertainment. Blacks have certainly made
contributions to our culture, in the areas of popular music and
idiom. They have made virtually no contribution to our civilization.”

“What Have Blacks Contributed To Our Civilization?”
Lawrence Auster
View From The Right
April 24, 2012

NASA named a 40,000-square-foot building the “Katherine G. Johnson Computational Research Facility” because Katherine Johnson made no contributions to science or technology?

Blood banks and heart surgery are not science?

Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall made no contribution to law?

“Thurgood Marshall was the first African-American U.S. Supreme Court
justice. Prior to becoming a judge, he founded and became the executive
director of the NAACP Legal Defence and Educational Fund.
His most well-known case as a lawyer was Brown v. Board of
Education of Topeka
available in HeinOnline’s U.S. Supreme
Court Library.
ScholarCheck statistics reflect that this case has
been cited by nearly 22,000 articles and more than 2,300 subsequent

“Research African-Americans’ Contributions to Legal History”
Shannon Sabo
HelmOnline Blog
February 16, 2016

You get the idea.

Airplane Travel

In 1953, a small Piper propeller plane “literally fell out of the clear blue sky and crashed to the ground” after going through the trailing wake of a larger plane. National Advisory Committee for Aeronautics (NACA) engineers assigned employee Katherine Goble the task of analyzing the photographic film record of the flight’s vital signs. Goble noted airspeed, acceleration, altitude, and other metrics. She made the required conversions using equations the engineers supplied for analyzing the converted data. Finally, Goble plotted the data to give the engineers “a visual snapshot of the plane’s disrupted flight”. The engineers then set up an experiment recreating the circumstances of the accident. They also gave that data to Katherine Goble to analyze.

The data revealed that when a plane passes through an area, it can leave air disturbance that lasts for as long as half an hour. The wake of a larger plane can make a smaller plane stumble and fall out of the sky. Other research found the same consequences. Because of that combined research, new air traffic regulations required minimum distances between flight paths. After Katherine Goble’s husband died, she remarried. As Katherine Johnson, she is known through the book and movie, Hidden Figures.

Hidden Figures
Margot Lee Shetterly
New York: HarperCollins, 2016, quotes on page 128.

Blood Transfusions From Blood Banks

Father of Blood Banks Charles Drew, a black doctor, figured out how to process and preserve blood plasma, “banking” it for later use.

“Charles Drew”


The discovery of the coffee bean happened during the 8th century in Ethiopia or Yemen. The 15th century Sufi monasteries of Yemen have the first credible evidence for either coffee drinking or information about the coffee tree. Coffee spread throughout the Arab world before reaching Europe.

“Coffee and qahwa: How a drink for Arab mystics went global”
John McHugo
BBC News
April 18, 2013

“The History of Coffee”
Gourmet Coffee Lovers

Controlled Drug Delivery

Uruguayan Alejandro Zaffaroni’s companies invented Glucotrol to treat diabetes, Duragesic to manage chronic pain, Nicoderm CQ to quit smoking, and Transderm-Scop to prevent nausea and vomiting from motion sickness.

“Alejandro Zaffaroni”
Memorial Tributes: Volume 20
The National Academies Press

“ALZA Corporation History”
Funding Universe

Eye Disease Diagnostic Tests

Vietnamese-born biophysicist Dr. Tuan Vo-Dinh invented optical scanning diagnostic equipment that can detect and diagnose eye diseases.

“Tuan Vo-Dinh”
Duke University

“Tuan Vo-Dinh”
Oak Ridge National Laboratory

Gunpowder and Firearms

The Song or Sung Dynasty (960-1279) of China produced gunpowder and firearms.

“The Chinese Invention of Gunpowder, Explosives, and Artillery and Their Impact on European Warfare”

Heart Surgery

In 1930, white surgeon Alfred Blalock hired 19 year old black male Vivien Thomas to work in his surgical research lab. Thomas developed the techniques and the first instruments for heart surgery. Thomas talked Dr. Blalock through the first dozens of “Blue Baby” heart surgeries. Dr. Blalock required every surgeon learning heart surgery to take a class in surgical techniques from Thomas. All the first white surgeons from around the world learned the techniques for heart surgery from a black man who had no formal education beyond a high school diploma.

“It’s A Wonderful Story, It Brought Tears To My Eyes. Thanks For Letting Ss See It But Try It Elsewhere”
Jack Limpert
November 6, 2014

“Something the Lord Made”
Katie McCabe
The Washingtonian
August, 1989
Reprinted on Longform Reprints

“Vivien Thomas Pioneered Surgery That Saved Millions Of Lives”
Scott S. Smith
Investors Business Daily
February 22, 2016

Home Security Systems With Cameras

Marie V. Brittan Brown invented the first home security system with cameras.

“This African American woman invented your home security system”
Stephanie Buck
June 13, 2017


Chinese court official Cai Lun (also Ts’ai Lun) invented paper and the process for manufacturing paper.

“Cai Lun”
Encyclopedia Britannica

Potato Chips

African American/Native American George Crum was a chef who invented potato chips to please a picky customer.

“George Crum”

Television Remotes

Jew Robert G. Adler “was definitely the father of the clicker”, according to Jerry Pearlman, former chairman and chief executive of Zenith Electronics.

“The inventor of the ‘Remote Control’ dies.”
AnandTech Forums
Discussion started by techs
February 20, 2007

Vanilla Extract

The Totonaco Indians of Mexico were the first to extract vanilla from vanilla beans. Totonacans used vanilla as a medicine and a perfume. Aztecs later adopted vanilla and used it to flavor a chocolate drink. Eventually, the French learned how to cultivate vanilla beans and vanilla became one of the most widely used spices around the world.

“The History of Vanilla”
In Depth Info

Two More Threats to Superiority

For purity protection from people with disabilities and homosexuals, white supremacists should also give up:




Because she sees the world in a different way, autistic Temple Grandin understands animal behavior. Her insights have improved every step in the beef production process.

“Temple Grandin on how the autistic ‘think different'”
Karen Weintraub
USA Today
May 1, 2013


Homosexual Alan Turing was the father of computer science.

“Why Alan Turing is the father of computer science”
Jay McGregor
June 7, 2014

White supremacists should walk their talk if they want everyone else to accept their inherent superiority.


Any group of people can discriminate. Some gays are now joining white supremacists in discriminating against blacks and Jews.

“How the Alt-Right Is Using Sex and Camp to Attract Gay Men to Fascism”
Donna Minkowitz
June 5, 2017

Anyone who stereotypes others is practicing Foolish Failure at least. Full-Blown Failure, Fanatical Failure, Finding Fault Failure, and Blunder Backfires are also possible. Even intelligent people make failure choices.

Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Paula’s Poetry Posters

Perennial Possibilities For Peace

Resource Rock Star Details

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: People In General

Originally published June 18, 2014.

Revised and republished August 9, 2017 after a web host transfer.

In September 2017, I attended the Woman and Spirituality Conference in Rochester, Minnesota. The Diversity Council of Rochester offered the workshop “Ally Bootcamp For Courageous People”, led by executive director Dee Vazquez Sabol. I participated in the workshop and learned valuable strategies for a variety of situations. I adapted some of those strategies into Strategies For Shattering Stereotypes. Those strategies are at the end of this post. I recommend both the Women and Spirituality Conference and the Diversity Council.

The research into gossip goes back at least to the middle of the 20th century. Both men and women research gossip. Putting all of their research together, gossip is talk and writing about people — both other people and ourselves — in family, social, workplace, and public settings.

Both men and women gossip. I have more than one source stating that men gossip more than women. One source was a replication of an earlier study’s finding that old men gossiped the most. The replicated study found that old men do indeed gossip the most. However, old men gossip the most because they have the time and opportunity to gossip. Women who’ve spent their lives caring for others still do the work of daily living when they are old. Old men — especially in the middle of the 20th century — never faced cooking and cleaning and laundry expectations.

As a child in the 1950s, I lived next to a Protestant minister and his wife. Both were elderly. The minister had time and opportunity to gossip while his wife took in extra laundry to pay bills. When the minister felt like having a piece of pie, he would get his wife into the car and drive to a restaurant. No matter what the weather, the minister made his wife stay in the car while he went inside for pie and gossip. When the wife needed glaucoma surgery, the minister insisted she return to her household duties days later instead of six weeks later. The minister’s mid-20th century religious belief assured him that his desire for pampering was more important than his wife’s need for recovery. You can see how this elderly wife had little time and opportunity for gossip. The entire neighbor sighed in relief when the minister died first.

Much of the research shows that gossip is both positive and negative. I define gossip as good, bad, or ugly. Good gossip ignores or breaks stereotypes while bad and ugly gossip are based on negative stereotypes.

Negative stereotypes exist about everyone, no matter their age, gender, race, religion, profession, etc. These stereotype blog posts will help you understand the negative stereotypes about you. Each post will focus on one or two or a few characteristics.

My collection of stereotypes comes from books, magazines, newspapers, movies, television shows, radio programs, news shows, conversations, etc.

Stereotypes and categories overlap at times. I create categories of stereotypes as I have stereotype examples to put into those categories.


I started collecting stereotypes for an appendix in a book on gossip power. I recorded many of the citations in the index for the gossip book. As of today, I have 22 typed pages of just stereotypes and a cardboard box with more stereotypes. Eventually, I will separate the stereotype citations from the gossip book index and create a master list of all stereotype citations. It will be awhile, however.

I am publishing the stereotypes without citations because the sooner you know about them the sooner you can take action to counter the stereotypes other people use about you. Also, knowing about the stereotypes can help you avoid the negative consequences of using bad and ugly gossip. If you use negative stereotypes about other people, you are inviting other people to use negative stereotypes about you.

All stereotypes will be listed on this blog rather than in my book. There are just too many stereotypes to include all of them in the book.

Stereotype Updates

After I finish posting my 22 pages of stereotypes, I will start on my box of stereotypes. The date for the most recent update will be at the top of each post. New stereotypes will be in blue font. When I am caught up on my stereotype file, I will start working on more complicated forms of stereotypes.

My stereotype posts will alternate with blog posts about other topics.

Make sure to read the Points to Ponder at the end of this post.

Negative Stereotypes about People in General
Listed in no particular order

The Relationship Between Men & Women


Beautiful People









rotten lovers

too impatient to work at relationships

Physically Unattractive People

political radicals (which stereotypes political radicals negatively)

homosexual (which stereotypes homosexuals negatively)

Geeks (Nerds)

real pains



social outcasts



less trustworthy

can’t be taken seriously




less attractive






Short People




Heavy People





unable to control self

unable to maintain personal health

take up too much space

Heavy Men


low self-esteem

lack will power

few friends






Heavy Women

few friends





low self-esteem

lack will power

Thin Men

few friends

Thin Women




Women In Jane Austen’s Time

laughing is a sign of sexual availability

showing teeth is a sign of being garrulous, plebeian, vulgar


extensions of women

Crack Babies


lost generation

permanently damaged


juvenile delinquents


bubble gum chewers

hormone laden slobs




Elderly People









slow moving






An Unhealthy Old Age Is…

a punishment for living “wrong”

Single Parent Families


Children From Single Parent Families

end up in trouble

Government Officials

tell lies

cover up the truth

engage in conspiracies to deprive citizens of their  liberty

People Not Part Of Organized Religions, Conspicuous Consumption, Car Culture


mentally ill

People Who Report Being Abducted By Aliens


inclined to fantasize

have a propensity to daydream

enthralled by novels


represent everyone in their ethnic group or religion

Arab terrorist attacks against Israel

come from racism and hatred without reason


gum-chewing ditzy snobs




Homeless People

want to be homeless

single men


Unemployed People


Truth Tellers




People Dependent An Others




uniquely feminine

Newspaper Readers, Television News Audience, & Radio News Audience




uninterested in good news

uninterested in hard facts

want soft news, uninterested in world news

only interested in crime

Television Audience To Advertisers



mindless boobs

Points to Ponder

Did you notice that heavy men, heavy women, and thin men are all stereotyped as having few friends? Thin women, on the other hand, are stereotyped as flirtatious. Stereotypers believe heavy men, heavy women, and thin men are socially unsuccessful because their weight gives them little value. But stereotypers give thin women some social value. The other stereotypes about thin women are negative. To stereotypers, thin women have limited social value and limited social success.

Pay attention when stereotypers pick the same stereotype for opposite characteristics. They will do the same thing to you if it gives them what they want. Clues to what stereotypers want come from the situations in which they use stereotypes. Stereotypes satisfy a need within a situation. Those needs include superiority, control, and self-protection.

Strategies For Shattering Stereotypes

Choose a strategy based on the level of danger in the situation. Talk to the target in front of the harasser only if the situation is safe for conversation. If the situation is dangerous, create some kind of distraction. I now carry a personal alarm with me for creating distractions quickly.

Talking to the target instead of the harasser allows the harasser to just walk away. If harassing situations come up regularly in a workplace or other common location, you could also use these strategies at calm times to increase understanding about the consequences of using stereotypes. Just tell stories to your coworkers/colleagues as opportunities come up.

Adapt the strategies as you need to. Write about other successful strategies in the comments section.

Surprise The Harasser(s)

If you can possibly do so, give the harasser(s) a moment of dignity. People harassing others will not expect positive statements. The positive statements might be enough to stop them in that situation. One example:

“It’s obvious —– is having a bad day. Let’s give him/her/them time to
calm down and ease the strain on his/her/their heart(s). Let’s hope
tomorrow will be better.”

This statement tells the harasser(s) that they are under stress and deserve to feel better. By expressing concern for their health, you are letting them know you consider them valuable. They may not feel much value in their daily lives.

Do a search for “WSA-TV Paula Kramer”. My WSA-TV interview includes a story about giving moments of dignity, starting at 5:42. I prefer not to have my interview embedded in this post because this post is about stereotypes, not about me.

Visit the website below for resources on opening doors that give moments of dignity:

Make Yourself An Example

This works best if you are not whatever is the reason for the harassment, not Muslim, not black, not Jewish, not Hispanic, not whatever. If you can identify any commonality between yourself and the target(s), talk about them to the target.

“Excuse me, but I noticed that we share a taste for … How would you
recommend cooking it?”

Your commonality will at least partially shatter the stereotype.

Provide Information About Stereotypes

If you can connect to the Internet, bring up the appropriate stereotype blog post and tell the target what the stereotypes are about you and why they are wrong. You could start with:

“Did you know there are stereotypes about everyone? The stereotypes
about me are …, but they don’t fit me because …”

You would be shattering a stereotype in front of the harasser.

Talk About The Consequences Of Creating Failure

Visit this Success & Failure Choices page to read about various types of success and failure. If you can think of an example from your own life, tell that story. Otherwise, use one from the blog below.

You could use this example from “Standout Success For 19 Year Old Joey Prusak”:

“A Dairy Queen customer saw manager Joey Prusak stand up for a
visually impaired customer. The bystander customer sent an email
to Dairy Queen. The story ended up on Facebook. The owner of Dairy
Queen, Warren Buffet, called Joey to thank him. Queen Latifah invited
Joey to appear on her show and gave him money for his college fund.
NASCAR driver Kevin Harvick invited Joey to a race. Good things can
happen to people who take care of other people.”

Talk About The Benefits Of Living The Golden Rule

Remind the harasser of the Golden Rule:

“Since the Golden Rule is important to me, I’m going to treat you
the way I want to be treated. I also know that being kind to others
is good for my health.”

My favorite version of the Golden Rule comes from Buddhism, “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” See this PDF file for Golden Rule statements in 21 religions, 5 philosophies, and 2 moral/ethical systems to pick your favorite version.

Read up on the health benefits of kindness for details to talk about.

And again, write about other successful strategies in the comments.

Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Standards For Success Posters

Good, Bad, & Ugly Gossip

Gossip Proverb

Resource Rock Star Details

Activism Made Easier: Move Grassroots Information Out Of Meeting Rooms & Into The Public Sphere


the most basic level of an activity or organization.
“the whole campaign would be conducted at the grass roots”
Synonyms: popular, of-the-people, bottom-up, nonhierarchical, rank-and file
“a grassroots movement”

ordinary people regarded as the main body of an organization’s membership
“you have lost touch with the grass roots of the party”

I received a postcard inviting me to a three hour meeting on a week day night for grassroots action on a county wide issue. A neighbor and I attended for an hour. That first hour was a series of short talks by several people. Presenting the information only at a three hour meeting on a single night eliminated whole groups of possible participants:

Single parents

Second shift workers

People with standing commitments for that night

Does limiting the number of people who can participate make grassroots actions more effective or less effective? In the age of the Internet, anyone who wants to take effective grassroots action needs to do the following:

Make grassroots information easily available.

Make grassroots participation easy.

Make grassroots action a matter of personal choice.

I came right home from the meeting and wrote up the suggestions below.

Some planning is necessary, of course. In 2012, nonviolent strategy icon Srdja Popovic identified three strategies the Occupy movement had to get exactly right:

Clear vision of tomorrow

Clear plan for pursuing that vision

Clear understanding that whatever happens in New York
or Boston or Denver is connected to a larger global
movement that stretches from the alleyways of Cairo to
the beaches of the Maldives

We now know that Occupy did not follow Popovic’s strategies.

Srdja Popovic created nonviolent strategies to bring down Yugoslavian President Slobodan Milosevic. Milosevic resigned in 2000, then died in prison during his trial for war crimes.

Popovic’s strategies were so effective that people from around the world came to him for advice. He set up a website ( and a university course. See the PDF files below for the information he makes free to anyone, including the textbook for the university course.

Popovic has stated that when it comes to ending oppression, fun can overcome fear. Keep that in mind as you read through my suggestions and plan grassroots actions.

Use the idea of fun as an effective strategy for all kinds of change. A neighborhood in Detroit thought up a way to have fun and get the city to pay attention.

Activism Made Easier

Set up a website for one particular community issue with a mailing list option.

Create one page for each topic with a comments section.

Each page has one topic paper with links to more resources, written by a presenter. The topic presenter becomes responsible for responding to comments and keeping this one page up to date.

Each topic paper lists only the high points first, followed by a detailed explanation for each high point. Some people want only high points, other people want all the details. More high point people would participate if you satisfy their need for mostly high points. Too many details frustrate them. I know, because I’m a high point person.

Participants could include links to more information in the comments section, ask questions, and read responses from topic presenters.

Publicize the website on social media. Announce the date and time for a 90 minute meeting. Say the meeting is a project meeting that requires participants to have read the topic papers.

For county or city wide issues, hold meetings in different parts of the county or city.

In each meeting room, have tables set up for each topic, identified by standing signs.

Have name tags and pens at each table.

Upon arriving, every member sits at the topic table that interests them. Shift chairs around if necessary because participants will be most effective working on the topics that matter most to them.

Use the first 10 to 15 minutes for topic presenters to provide last minute updates, then set the groups to work.

Each topic participant can speak only 2 minutes at a time. Everyone gets at least one turn to speak. No one speaks a second time until everyone has spoken once. No one speaks a third time unless people decline their second chance to speak.

Each topic group should discuss:

Ideas for individual and/or group action, including fun actions

Methods for measuring the effectiveness of each action

Topics for further discussion

The last 15 minutes could include one sentence statements about actions each member of each topic group will take.

One participant from each topic group then posts the ideas for action, methods for measurement, and topics for further discussion in the comments section for the topic paper.

People who can’t attend meetings will have all the same information as well as ideas for action to choose from, including fun actions. They can participate through the comments section. Use the mailing list to make announcements.

Srdja Popovic

“The Revolutionist”
Liel Leibovitz
The Atlantic
March 2012, 21-22

Some controversy exists over Popovic’s actions after Wikileaks revelations. He is in Wikileaks because his strategies are effective. Just use them ethically.

“2000: Milosevic quits, street celebrations continue”
On This Day: October 6

“Wikileaks Docs Expose Framed Serbian Activist’s Ties to ‘Shadow CIA'”
Carl Gibson and Steve Horn
In These Times
December 2, 2013

“Without a path from protest to power, the Women’s March will end up like Occupy”
Micah White
The Guardian

January 19, 2017

PDF Files

Nonviolent Struggle: 50 Crucial Points

CANVAS Core Curriculum: A Guide To Effective Nonviolent Struggle
(Centre for Applied Nonviolent Action and Strategies)

Making Oppression Backfire

Detroit Neighborhood

“Sinkhole in Detroit Turned Into Fishing Pond by Residents”
Avianne Tan
ABC News
August 25, 2015

“Urban Detroit fishing hole drained; finned tenants relocated”
Gus Burns
August 25, 2015

© Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2017
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Rock Star Details

After Decades Of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), I Know How To Feel Safe

Originally published November 6, 2013.

Republished January 25, 2017 after a web host transfer.

My post traumatic stress disorder began in my horrific childhood. My method of feeling safe may be more effective for people with similar backgrounds. I had to cope with horrific actions from one person. Military veterans, on the other hand, cope with horrific actions from tens, hundreds, or thousands of people. Vets with PTSD from war experiences may need different methods or more than one method for feeling safe. Service dogs, for instance, mean many vets can take less medication and live with fewer unsettling surprises. Service dogs also provide breathing room in social situations, putting themselves between their vet and other people. Vets can use their dogs’ need for walks as a reason to leave when a social situation becomes overwhelming. Service dog organizations include Hero Dogs, K9s for Warriors, Patriot PAWS, and Pets for Vets. Perhaps vets could combine service dogs with finding their safety experience for even greater relief. Victims of crime would have experiences closer to mine, since I am the victim of attempted murder.

Farming is another way for vets to get past their PTSD.

See this article for what civilians can do to help veterans with PTSD. See full citation below.

My PTSD  began the first time my mother tried to kill me. It increased after the second time she tried to kill me. After failing to kill me physically, my mother spent the rest of my childhood doing her best to kill me mentally and emotionally. Decades later I finally understood that my mother wanted me dead because I was her second daughter instead of her first son.

My PTSD was compounded by the Biblical story of Abraham and Isaac. If Abraham was willing to kill his son because God told him to, I feared my mother would kill me if other people told her to. And then I became terrified that anyone who didn’t like something about me would try to kill me. But after decades of terror that anyone could kill me, I now know how to feel safe. I have a happy ending I never expected.

Murder is a physical and emotional experience. My physical and emotional safety experience — the one that washes away the terror — is listening to the main and end title music from the movie To Kill a Mockingbird. To read how I made the discovery of my safety experience and why it is a physical and emotional experience for me, read the Murder Secret Families page at Since I wrote about this in detail on that page, I will not write about it in detail here. But, I will explain what to look for so that other people with PTSD can identify their safety experiences. Below are specific steps to take, but first I will explain what I now know about safety experiences.

Your Safety Experience Will Stand Out in Your Life in Some Way, Maybe in Many Ways

I do not remember when I saw To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time. I do know that it immediately became my favorite movie. As an adult, I recorded the movie to my VCR so I wouldn’t have to wait for a television network to air it. Every time I watched the movie, I made sure to listen to the opening music without distraction. After the movie ended, I kept rewinding so I could listen to the end music repeatedly. If you read or at least skim the Murder Secret Families page, you will see that I wrote about watching the movie in my journal repeatedly. I even wrote that I identified with the character Boo Radley, but wanted to be the character Scout (June 12, 1993 on the Murder Secret Families page). Scout survived attempted murder and was able to feel safe again. I survived attempted murder and wanted to feel safe.

Your Safety Experience Will Probably Satisfy a Behavior Style Need

In the DISC behavior system, I am a High I/High S (High I over High S). If you need information about the DISC system, you can download my free S&R Keys file from The file also explains six basic values to help you identify your guiding values and rank your other values. Knowing your value ranking could help in identifying your safety experience.

High I people ease stress through socializing with other people. High S people ease stress through quiet activities. High I people are emotionally expressive. High S people are emotionally nonexpressive. I am emotionally expressive when it comes to having fun or telling stories about people who created positive turning points in my life. I can still cry when I tell these stories. One turning point happened in 1981, the other happened in 1996, and I can still cry when I talk about them.

When I need to express my deepest emotions, I do so by writing poetry. Writing poetry is a quiet activity. When I need to reassure myself with positive emotions, I do so through music. Listening to the music that represents positive emotions to me is also a quiet activity. Even though I am a High I first and a High S second, I relieve stress and express my deepest emotions through my Secondary High S behavior style need for quiet activities.

Your Safety Experience Will Add More to Your Life Than Feelings of Safety

In my first few months of feeling safe every day, my life improved in other ways.

First, I have been doing research for years for various books I’m writing and revising. For all those years, I put the various articles I’ve collected into boxes and brown paper bags, letting them sit instead of filing them. I kept thinking about filing them, but never had the energy to do it. After about four months of feeling safe, I suddenly started filing the articles. At first, I filed at least a few articles everyday. Now I file articles weekly. I’m still doing research, but by the time I finish the research everything will be filed. I’ll be able to start writing the revisions without further delay.

Second, I now know how to write each book more effectively. I know how to determine the purpose of each chapter, I know how to use just the right amount of information to make the points in each chapter, and I know how to explain what needs explaining. One of the books is based on what I wrote in my journal about therapy and about the clues in my life that helped me recognize my mother’s attempts to kill me. That is my most difficult book to write. Over the years since I discovered my safety experience, I have refined the structure of the book to satisfy a variety of readers.

Third, I feel safe taking actions for myself in ongoing relationships. Taking actions for myself used to feel scary. If my own mother could kill me, anyone else in the world could kill me.

Fourth, I can meet new people with less anxiety. In the past, meeting new coworkers or supervisors or groups made me anxious that someone would decide to kill me if they didn’t like something about me. The last time I remember feeling that anxious was in the spring of 2014.

Fifth, I have been doing a talk at a conference every year for five or six years. The talk is based on three examples from my own research and how those examples apply to something completely different. For the first several years of the talk, I kept asking myself why I included the first example. It’s a good thing none of the participants ever asked me why I included that example because I could not have explained why. I did not know why I included that example.

After weeks of feeling safe, I suddenly knew why I included that example. It made perfect sense to me and I could easily explain it. The next time I did that talk, I explained my difficulty understanding why I included that example to my audience. When I told them my new understanding of why I included that example, it made perfect sense to them, too.

Identifying Your Safety Experience

To identify your own safety experience, follow these 5 steps:

Step 1

Identify your High and Secondary High behavior styles.
Use the Quick Look pages for behavior styles in my
S&R Keys download from

Step 2

Identify your High and Secondary High stress relief needs
on the “Behavior Style Keys for Opening Doors to Personal
& Professional Success” page of the S&R Keys download.

Step 3

Figure out if you ease stress through your High or Secondary
High behavior style, then identify all the activities that ease
your stress.

Step 4

Identify your guiding values using the Quick Look pages in
the S&R Keys download. Rank the remaining values.
Read through the values and think about how each value
affects your feelings.

Step 5

Identify how you express your deepest emotions. Feeling
safe is a deep emotion. If your PTSD is so overwhelming
that you cannot identify any feelings of safety, start with
any positive emotion you can identify.

I talked about being afraid of my mother in therapy with two different therapists. Neither therapist ever asked what made me feel safe. If they had asked, I would not have been able to answer right away. I would have had to think about it, probably for weeks or months. I wasn’t looking for my safety experience when I found it. I was adding different pieces of my favorite music for experiencing feelings to my iPod. I put Mockingbird on my iPod thinking I would listen to it occasionally. Instead, I felt a need to listen to it everyday. I hadn’t even identified the feelings I experienced while listening to Mockingbird. I just knew it allowed me to experience feelings I needed to experience. I finally figured out that Mockingbird meant safety to me one night while I was listening to it. I was sitting in the dark in my parlor, listening to Mockingbird and wondering why I needed to listen to it. I suddenly understood.

My PTSD was part of a terrible secret in my life and in my family. I had to acknowledge feelings of terror before I could acknowledge feelings of safety. It took four decades to acknowledge the feelings of terror. It took another two decades before I learned how to recognize the feelings of safety. But I didn’t have anyone helping me recognize my safety experience. If my therapists had asked what made me feel safe, I would have at least started thinking about it. I could have discovered my safety experience sooner if professionals had given me the help that fit my needs instead of their perspectives.

I hope this blog post is enough to get you to your safety experience sooner.

Make full use of all the downloads you find at

After You Identify Your Safety Experience

Once you have identified your safety experience, bring that experience into your life as much as possible. At first, I listened to Mockingbird on my iPod every evening. Then I started listening to it as I fell asleep. I was sleeping the first time my mother tried to kill me. I woke up to my mother trying to smother me. For decades, I had trouble going to sleep and staying asleep. I still have trouble sleeping at times.

On bad days I listened to Mockingbird for hours.

Now I have a playlist that has the main and end titles listed twice. I listen to that just about everyday.

I listen to Mockingbird while reading through the book based on my journal. I can read only a few pages at a time, but I started the book years ago and couldn’t reread it to finish writing it until I discovered my safety experience.

I listened to Mockingbird while writing this blog post.

Each Person with PTSD Has to Identify His or Her Own Safety Experience

I am unable to identify a safety experience for anyone else. Please do not email me with questions because I will not respond. After identifying your behavior style and guiding value combination, think about how your behavior styles and guiding values interact in your life.

Could Safety Experiences Erase PSTD?

If I listen to Mockingbird often enough will it erase my PTSD for good? I don’t know. I do have a chronology of improvement, however.

For decades, terror episodes were so real I didn’t know I was in a terror episode. Some of the terror episodes lasted for days.

After listening to Mockingbird for months, I became able to recognize terror episodes while I was in them. I could listen to Mockingbird to help me get out of them.

Then, I became able to talk myself out of the terror episodes when I wasn’t able to listen to Mockingbird. At first, talking myself out took hours, then dwindled down to minutes.

Almost four years after I started purposefully listening to Mockingbird to feel safe, I have not experienced any terror for almost three years. This is in part due to an experience that happened the last time I felt the terror.

I still do not feel completely comfortable meeting people in certain situations. But I only feel uncomfortable, not anxious.

Even if I someday experience another terror episode, I now know how to feel safe. Knowing how to feel safe is enough for me. I can have days and weeks and months and years of feeling safe. For me, feeling safe for any part of any day is a happy ending.

If you have PTSD, I hope you find your happy ending.

“The amazing grace of Unit 1”
Anna Mulrine
The Christian Science Monitor Weekly
May 30, 2016, pages 21-23

“Can Civilians Do Anything to Help Veterans With PTDS?”
Matthew Russell
The Veterans Site
No Date

Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.
Updated August 18, 2017

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Rock Star Details

Add One Word, Create Equality

The basic categories of life are family, community (including religious and political activities), jobs, and education. If adults add one word to each of those categories, we can create more equality between all sorts of groups.

Add the word “work”.

Family work includes parenting, housework, cooking, shopping, and caregiving, etc.

Community work includes individual, small group, or organizational volunteer work.

Job work includes anything that creates income, wherever or whenever it occurs.

Education work includes any adult learning inside and outside the classroom.

The idea that adults do work for their education highlights the work children do. Children are workers when they are in school. For a factory to produce anything worth producing, it needs several elements in place:





Qualified personnel

To become job workers, community workers, and family workers as adults, all children need safety, technology, equipment, resources, and qualified personnel in their schools.

Using these four categories and adding the word work, “stay-at-home mothers” are family workers.

Parents may alternate between family work and job work or do both simultaneously. The work is simultaneous when they operate businesses from their homes or take their children to their workplaces.

Childless adults who take care of aging parents alternate job work with family work.

Adding the word “work” to what we do for our families makes family work equal in importance to job work.

Adding the word “work” to what we do for our communities makes community work equal to job work.

Adding the word “work” to education makes education work equal to family work, job work, and community work.

Seeing everyone as workers gives everyone positive identities for the work they do in each category. The time we spend on each category of work will change as our life circumstances change. All of it is still work. Society could not exist if one of these categories disappeared, so workers in each category are as important as workers in all of the other categories.

Adding the word “work” to each category as you go about your daily life means creating more equality for yourself.

© Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2017
All rights reserved.

Updated January 16, 2017.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Rock Star Details

Victims On The Left, Victims On The Right

Validation: to make valid; substantiate; confirm

Some people enjoy being victims. People seem to express their enjoyment of being victims by publicly announcing that they are victims. Public announcements provide what I call victim validation. Victim validation gives people feelings of importance as validated victims. Validated victims expect other people to pay attention to their victim needs and take care of their victim needs. Because they feel that publicly announcing their victimhood makes their needs more important than anyone else’s, validated victims feel entitled to ignore everyone else’s needs.

Validated victims blame other people for all of their problems and complain about other people hurting them. Unfortunately, validated victims are everywhere, including the political left and the political right.

Victims on the Left

One example from the political left is Terry O’Neill, President of the National Organization for Women since 2009. I am not a member of the National Organization for Women, but I did sign up for emails. NOW President Terry O’Neill sends out emails to “hundreds of thousands of contributing members and more than 500 local and campus affiliates in all 50 states and the District of Columbia.” I disproved those membership claims, so we don’t know how many people receive the emails. NOW’s claim about the number of members has changed since I disproved its claim of more than 500,000 members.

This email from O’Neill perfectly illustrates victim validation:

Subject Line: Haterade
September 13, 2014
Terry O’Neill, NOW via

10:53 AM (1 hour ago)

to me

Dear Paula,

 I’m sure you’ve heard by now, but this week NOW called on NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to resign his post. Since we released that statement, it has been a whirlwind of press and action.

You might have seen or heard me on MSNBC, CBS, ABC, NBC or ESPN – or any of a dozen other media outlets. But if you saw me, that means the trolls did too; all week, we’ve been getting barraged with hateful comments via phone, email and on Facebook and Twitter.

Nestled in there — often hidden in the muck — are voices of solidarity. These voices wish us luck in our endeavor, many identify as football fans or activists working in their communities – all agree that we must end the epidemic of violence against women.

Contribute and help us continue our work!

Sure, some of the trolls use the old quip of demanding that I “make them a sandwich” – not the first time I’ve heard that one! I’ve been accused of being “off my rocker”.

The truth is, though, almost all of these comments have been outright and aggressively misogynistic.

 Since I became president of NOW, I’ve received a regular stream of hate mail. Sadly, it just comes with the job. But knowing I have your support makes all the difference.

So a warning to the trolls: We will not deviate from this path. I know that we can change our culture – which is so permissive of violence against women — and change our laws, simultaneously.

How do I know that? Because we’re the National Organization for Women and this what we do – especially with supporters like you.

Thank you for all you do,
Terry O’Neill
President, National Organization for Women

P.S. Thousands of you have already shown your support by signing our petition demanding that Roger Goodell resign. Can I count on your continued support with a contribution today?

Blaming and complaining over and over again, just in this one email. O’Neill clearly feels sorrier for herself than she feels for women who live with domestic violence. She never acknowledges the men who live with domestic violence. She does acknowledge that hate mail “just comes with the job.” Though she made the choice to take a job that comes with hate mail, O’Neill still feels more victimized than women who are victims of domestic violence. Never mind the male victims.

Did O’Neill validate her victimhood on ”MSNBC, CBS, ABC, NBC or ESPN — or any of a dozen other media outlets”? I don’t know. I have better things to do than watch the President of the National Organization for Women demonstrate the fine art of validating victimhood.

Victims on the Right

One example from the political right is a commenter to online articles in local newspapers. This is a much smaller audience than O’Neill’s audience. The commenter and I both live in Wisconsin. She is a Republican. I am a Democrat.

I exchanged comments with this commenter in several discussions. Two discussions illustrate her desire to be a validated victim. Both were political discussions. Several newspapers have written articles about how Wisconsin is doing worse under Governor Scott Walker. For one discussion, I provided this list of online article titles for everyone reading the comments to see:

“Surprise! ‘Pro-business’ policies hurt state economic growth”
Michael Hitzik
Los Angeles Times
May 6, 2014

“State Employment Trends: Does a Low Tax/Right-to-Work/Low Minimum Wage Regime Correlate to Growth?”
Bruce Hall
April 22, 2014

“Declining Private Employment in Wisconsin, Sideways Trending in Kansas”
Menzie Chinn
July 17, 2014

“Revised and Updated Data Indicate Minnesota-Wisconsin Economic Activity Gap Increases”
Menzie Chinn
April 1, 2014

“Right vs. Left in the Midwest”
Lawrence R. Jacobs
The New York Times
November 23, 2013

The commenter wrote these two comments to me:

“California is a disaster. You should quit posting.”

“Yes, Paula Kramer. You should quit posting when you say CA is doing better than WI.”

She included the link below with her second comment:

“California’s Economic Collision Course: Immigration and Water”
Thomas Del Beccaro
Forbes Magazine
August 19, 2014

This article was the only evidence she presented in response to me during the discussion.

Because of these two comments, I gave this commenter a nickname: Stop-Thinking-You’re-Equal-To-Me.

In another discussion, I wrote a comment about how Walker’s policies had made life worse for all Wisconsin residents. I included this list of links to online articles:

“Wisconsin ‘right-to-work” critic will expand company in Minnesota
Tad Vezner
St. Paul Pioneer Press
March 10, 2015

“Wisconsin and Minnesota: A One-Sided Political Competition”
Steve Benen
The Rachel Maddow Show/The MaddowBlog
March 5, 2015

“Scott Walker has failed Wisconsin and Minnesota is the proof”
Jimmy Anderson
Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
October 22, 2014

“Minnesota economy beats Wisconsin: 7 charts, 1 table”
Paul Tosto
Minnesota Public Radio NewsCut
January 26, 2015

“A Fiscal Tale of Two States: Minnesota vs. Wisconsin”
Menzie Chinn
September 30, 2014

“Our view: Minnesota is winning this border battle”
LaCrosse Tribune
January 4, 2015

“Walker vs. Dayton smackdown: Which governor has the better economy?”
Louis O. Johnson
February 7, 2013

“Minnesota making our state look bad”
Tom Clementi
January 15, 2015

The January 15, 2015 Post Crescent article includes these statements:

“Despite Walker’s claim that we’re “open for business,” Forbes magazine ranks Wisconsin 31st for business; Minnesota ranks ninth. This despite the fact that the American Legislative Exchange Council, the powerful organization that drafts legislation for conservative politicians and is funded, in part, by Exxon-Mobil and the Koch brothers, places Minnesota in the lowest tier of “ALEC-friendly” states and touts Wisconsin as No. 1 for taxes in 2014.

But that number is countered by reality. The median income for a Wisconsin family is some $8,000 less per year than in Minnesota. Forbes places our Minnesota seventh for economic climate and Wisconsin 27th. Forbes also ranks Minnesota second in quality of life and Wisconsin 17th.

Those numbers make ALEC’s numbers a little suspect and raise the question of exactly who benefits from Wisconsin’s No. 1 ALEC tax rating? Obviously, it’s not the ordinary Wisconsin citizen.”

This was the response from Stop-Thinking-You’re-Equal-To-Me:

“Hey Paula: Obama made me give up my Dr. so it’s best to stop talking about what is taken away from you.”

In response to a list of articles about the effect of state government policies on all Wisconsin residents, Stop-Thinking-You’re-Equal-To-Me wrote about herself. She created inequality for me again by telling me to “stop talking”.

Blaming and complaining, Stop-Thinking-You’re-Equal-To-Me validated herself as a victim. She expects other people to be responsible for her needs while she ignores the needs of everyone else. Why should she pay attention to the needs of people she considers her inferiors?

To make sure she knew I would quote her comments, I sent Stop-Thinking-You’re-Equal-To-Me a private Facebook message. I assured her I would keep her anonymous. I also wrote this:

“It’s sad that you don’t see equality as the benefit it is. It’s sad that you don’t understand that creating inequality for someone else means inviting other people to create inequality for you. You and I are equal, ——-. You deserve the same respect I deserve. I deserve the same respect you deserve. You deserve the same respect from other people that I receive from other people. That is why I hope you stop inviting other people to create inequality for you.”

This is part of her response:

“Now I remember, Paula. Your mother tried to kill you twice and you write about it and have trouble still dealing with it. I had a brother that beheaded himself, an alcoholic husband that became a ward of the state, a family member that embezzled, incidents in childhood that may make you shudder.”

For the record, I write about my mother trying to kill me only when I am participating in discussions about abortion, which might be two or three times a year. I do not write about my mother trying to kill me when it has nothing to do with the discussion.

Stop-Thinking-You’re-Equal-To-Me, however, inserted her personal pain into a discussion that was not about personal pain. Perhaps Stop-Thinking-You’re-Equal-To-Me thought those four examples would force me to see her for the validated victim she believes she is. As a validated victim, no one should expect anything of her, including treating other people with respect and equality. Instead, we should tolerate Stop-Thinking-You’re-Equal-To-Me’s blaming and complaining and take responsibility for easing her pain while expecting nothing in return.

What to Do about Validated Victims?

You could tolerate the victims who share your political views, though you shouldn’t expect them to treat you with respect or equality. You could ignore validated victims on both the right and the left. Or, you could use one or more of these four techniques:

Use the term validated victim to them.

Repeat, “Blaming and complaining again?” each time they do it.

Let them know how many times they made the same statement.

Ask, “What are you doing to change the situation?”

I’ve tried the last two techniques with just one person. After one friend made the exact same complaint five times in a row, I told her she had made the exact same statement five times in a row. I told her I needed to hear it only once. Then I asked her what she was going to do about the situation. She told me she might need to say it five times in a row. I told her she could find someone else to say it to. She no longer calls me to blame and complain about anything.

If we all use similar strategies with the people in our lives, maybe we could gradually convince everyone that victim validation is a waste of everyone’s time. Maybe pointing out the common ground between validated victims on the political left and validated victims on the political right would cause enough healthy embarrassment to stop the blaming and complaining. Something along the lines of:

“You sound just like…”

I’m ready to try.

“Processes Explaining the Concealment and Distortion of Evidence on Gender Symmetry in Partner Violence”
Murray A. Strauss
European Journal on Criminal Policy and Research
July 14, 2007

Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)
Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Rock Star Details

For a wide ranging selection of articles on feminism and other topics,
see The Zawadi Nyong’o Daily


As an American, I have freedom of speech.

As a woman, I have the right to express my opinion about anything the National Organization for Women claims to do for women.

In 2016, I started adding the section below to all of my new Feminist Leader blog posts. I also added it to all posts published before 2016.

The National Organization For Women
Silences Women

National NOW has blocked me on its Facebook page. I wrote comments based on my blog posts. All of my blog posts are based on a wide variety of evidence. Much of the evidence comes from National NOW’s website, emails and posts from NOW presidents, and emails from NOW staff members. I use no hostile language, no slurs, no profanity. I do use the phrase “glory addicts” in reference to NOW leaders. I also use “glory addiction”, “glory fixes”, and “a dedicated network of glory addicts”. Dr. Marsha Vanderford (Doyle) identified the glory needs of pro-choice leaders in her 1982 dissertation.

Feminist leaders have been silencing women for decades. bell hooks, Gloria Steinem, Urvashi Vaid, and Naomi Wolf got together for a conversation that was published in Ms. Magazine in 1993. The discussion included why women choose not ta call themselves feminists. Did these four feminist leaders working for women’s equality ask women who choose not to call themselves feminist to speak for themselves? Of course not! The four feminist leaders silenced millions of women by speaking for them without first requesting permission to speak for them.

Imagine a group of women who choose not to call themselves feminists getting together for a conversation to be published in a magazine about why some women call themselves feminists. Would hooks, Steinem, Vaid, Wolf, or Ms. Magazine agree with nonfeminist women denying them the opportunity to speak for themselves? Of course not! Would hooks, Steinem, Vaid, Wolf, or Ms. Magazine agree that nonfeminist women had the right to speak for feminist women without their permission? Of course not!

My feminist leader blog posts provide evidence that feminist leaders still create glory for themselves while relegating supporters to “secondary importance”. Dr. Vanderford used the words “relegated” and “secondary importance” in her dissertation. Eoin Harnett of University College Cork in Ireland used the same “secondary importance” phrase:

“Throughout the ages, women were frequently characterised
and treated as inferior and of secondary importance to men.”

NOW leaders even relegated two of their supporters to secondary importance. The supporters responded to my last two comments on National NOW’s Facebook page with comments supporting NOW. NOW leaders silenced those supporters by removing their comments along with my comments. Instead of creating equality, NOW leaders treat other women the same way patriarchal men treat women:

NOW leaders silenced at least three women on Facebook while posting claims to be creating equality for women. Secondary importance is the opposite of equality, as women throughout the ages could testify.

In-House Rhetoric of Pro-Life and Pro-Choice Special Interest Groups in Minnesota: Motivation and Alienation
Dissertation, University of Minnesota, 1982
Marsha Vanderford Doyle, Ph.D.
(Now Marsha Vanderford)
Quoted words on page 350.

“Let’s Get Real about Feminism: The Backlash, the Myths, the Movement.”
hooks, bell, Gloria Steinem, Urvashi Vaid, and Naomi Wolf.
Ms. Magazine.
Vol 4(2) September/October 1993: pages 34-43.

“Multitext Project in Irish History: Movements for Political & Social Reform, 1870-1914”
Eoin Hartnett
University College Cork, Ireland
No date
This project is no longer available online.

Updated April 30, 2017.

Mainstay Memories: With A Few Words, Bystanders Can Help Abused Children

When I was very little, my mother tried to kill me twice. I’ve had PTSD since the first murder attempt. Because my own mother tried to kill me, I came to believe that anyone could kill me at any time for any reason. The terror of someone killing me often occurs in groups of strangers.

I’ve read that people can help abused children by letting them know they are not the cause of the abuse. Nothing explained how to do this. I finally understood how to help abused children during a Toastmasters meeting. Toastmaster Tammy opened a door to my understanding of how another Toastmaster had helped me.

Toastmaster Tammy gave a speech that set a personal record for using uh’s and um’s. (I loved the AH Counter role.) That record is not important. Mistakes do not determine value. Meaning determines value. Toastmaster Tammy’s speech had enough meaning that it changed my understanding of my life.

Toastmaster Tammy spoke about Toastmasters clubs, using the word “welcoming” several times. The repetition of “welcoming” flashed me back to the first time I walked into that meeting room. Toastmaster Mary Jo stood up, shook my hand, and enthusiastically welcomed me to the meeting. Her greeting was so significant that I wrote about it in my journal, using the word “enthusiastically” to describe it. When Toastmaster Tammy used the word “welcoming” in her speech, I realized that I remember Toastmaster Mary Jo enthusiastically welcoming me into a group of strangers whenever I feel anxious about a group of strangers.

Mary Jo gave me what I now call a “mainstay memory”, a memory that gets me through my anxiety about groups. I don’t even have to consciously go back to that night. The memory just automatically comes to me on its own. The memory of Mary Jo comes and the anxiety fades away. My realization about what Mary Jo did for me ended a worry I’ve had since the early 1970s.

I lived in Chicago back then. At the laundromat one day, I started my laundry and sat down to read. To my side sat a little blonde girl, all by herself. A Filipina woman with three little girls came into the laundromat. As the woman did laundry, the girls played. They had so much fun they sort of tumbled around the laundromat. They passed me several times and I started talking to them as they tumbled by.

The little blonde girl sat watching, a sad look on her face. I could see the effects of abuse in her eyes. After the Filipina girls tumbled by and I talked to them yet again, I turned to the little blonde girl and said, “I like you, too.” She sat up straight, her eyes opened wide, the sun came up in her smile, and she ran off to play with the little Filipina girls.

I never saw the little blonde girl again. I wanted to see her eyes again and to see her smile again. I wanted to know if my words lasted past that one day in the laundromat. Because of Tammy and Mary Jo, I know they did. I know I gave that little blonde girl a mainstay memory. I know she repeatedly heard my “I like you, too” the way I repeatedly hear Mary Jo’s “Hello!”

We cannot completely end child abuse, but we can ease its effects. We can do what Mary Jo did for me. Smile and say enthusiastic hellos to children we see throughout our day. Mary Jo’s “Hello!” came into my adult ears, but it was my child heart that felt the welcome. Giving abused children enthusiastic greetings would let them know that someone in their world welcomes them.

My experience proves that the people giving welcomes don’t have to be central to the lives of abused children. My experience also proves that feeling welcome to someone somewhere will give abused children the ability to open up their own worlds. The little blonde girl in the laundromat demonstrated that when she ran off to play with the little Filipina girls.

Prove good intentions by saying hello, smiling, waving goodbye, and moving away. If you have time — as I did at the laundromat — say a few words to spark a smile. Adjust my recommendations to your culture. My worst responses have been stares from children and indifference from parents. My best response was the sun coming up in the little blonde girl’s smile.

Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Rock Star Details

Torture Or Not Torture: Proof In Experience

Originally published January 23, 2015.

Revised and republished January 20, 2016 after a web host transfer.

Do an Internet search with the words “not torture” and you will find several claims that the CIA’s “enhanced interrogation” techniques do not constitute torture.

I will believe that those techniques are not torture when all the people using the phrase “not torture” give me proof in experience. I want them to prove from their own experience that those techniques are not torture. To do this, they have to experience the techniques themselves and report back to me that they did not feel tortured.

I did not read or listen to any details about the techniques because just knowing about them sickens me. However, I do know some details about the situation.

The standards for proof in experience in this situation mean that all supporters of the “not torture” enhanced interrogations must agree to be…

…taken from their own lives without notice.

…taken to a destination away from their lives.

…prevented from seeing or contacting anyone in their lives.

…softened up for interrogation sessions.

…interrogated in anyway the interrogators choose to
interrogate them for the length of time interrogators

…kept away from their lives and families for an indefinite
period of time, subject to enhanced interrogation
techniques at any time.

If supporters of the “not torture” enhanced interrogation techniques come back from these experiences and tell me they were not tortured, then I will have to believe them.

I do already have proof in experience from the other side of the situation at Abu Ghraib. Eric Fair is an Army veteran who was a contract interrogator in Iraq at Abu Ghraib in 2004. These are Eric Fair’s words about himself:

“I was an interrogator at Abu Ghraib. I tortured.”

These are Eric Fair’s words about the Senate’s torture report:

“I assure you there is more; much remains redacted.”


To delete or remove (private or sensitive information)
from a document in preparation for publication

The British Psychological Society reported on a study showing that  “regular people” supported torture “…on a desire for payback, not intelligence.”

Support for torture depends on whether people “are told that torture is likely to be ineffective”, of if they are told the suspect is a terrorist, or if they are told that the suspect had actually planted a bomb.

The Senate Select Committee on Intelligence found that:

Not once between late 2001 and early 2009 did the CIA’s use
of torture result in intelligence that helped to foil a terrorist
plot. All of the most useful information came from standard,
non-violent interrogation approaches. Furthermore, tortured
detainees frequently made up things in an attempt to get
their torturers to stop.

Even support for a “ticking time bomb scenario”

depends on a ‘highly idealised’ and ‘highly unrealistic’ set of
assumptions being met. Moreover, their finding that people’s
support for torture is influenced by the identity and the
culpability of the suspect shows that the practice is often
endorsed as a form of punishment, not as a way to extract

The Middle East Research and Information Project found that refusing to use torture creates more security.

…torture is ineffective in enhancing security; on the contrary,
states that do not torture (or extra-judicially execute)
prisoners experience substantially less terrorism, and their
counter-terrorism efforts are more effective.

If you want to feel secure from terrorism, then you should insist you’re your government uses effective interrogation techniques. It turns out that the most effective interrogation techniques are humane.

Disclosure was 14 times more likely to occur early in an
interrogation when a rapport-building approach was used.
Confessions were four times more likely when interrogators
struck a neutral and respectful stance. Rates of detainee
disclosure were also higher when they were interrogated in
comfortable physical settings.

If you want to inflict pain on other people, come right out and say it. Just don’t expect the person in pain to give you the information you need to feel secure. When you approve torture, you make it easier for others to harm you because you create less security for yourself.

Your choice is payback or security:

Choosing payback will bring you less security.

Choosing security will bring you less terrorism.

Basing your choice on your feelings suggests unresolved feelings that need to be addressed. Exposing yourself to more terrorism might not be the best way to satisfy the needs behind those feelings.

I’m waiting for the “not torture” volunteers to give me proof in experience.

“American Torture: The Price Paid, the Lessons Learned”
Lisa Hajjar
Middle East Research and Information Project
Summer 2009, Volume 39

“Committee Study of the Central Intelligence Agency’s Detention and Interrogation Program”
Senate Select Committee on Intelligence
Approved December 13, 2012
Updated for Release April 3, 2014
Declassification Revisions December 3, 2014

“The Humane Interrogation Technique That Works Much Better Than Torture”
Olga Khazan
The Atlantic
December 14, 2014

“I Can’t Be Forgiven for Abu Ghraib”
Eric Fair
The New York Times
December 9, 2014

“Interviewing High Value Detainees: Securing Cooperation and Disclosures”
Jane Goodman-Delahunty, Natalie Martschuk, and Mandeep K. Dhami
Applied Cognitive Psychology
October 17, 2014

“People’s support for torture in “ticking time bomb scenarios” is influenced by their desire for retribution”
Research Digest
British Psychological Society

“Rapport-building interrogation is more effective than torture”
Research Digest
British Psychological Society

“The Ticking Time Bomb: When the Use of Torture Is and Is Not Endorsed”
Joseph Spino and Denise Dellarosa CumminsReview of Philosophy and Psychology
August 16, 2014

Paula M. Kramer
Resource Rock Star (See websites below.)

Copyright 2015
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks.

Resource Rock Star Details