Feminist Leader Trashes Other Feminist Leaders

Ms. Magazine published the article ‘Trashing: The Dark Side of Sisterhood’ in 1976.

More than 40 years later, former National Organization for Women (NOW) vice president Gilda Yazzi filed a federal discrimination lawsuit against NOW and national NOW President Toni Van Pelt for race discrimination, hostile work environment, and retaliation. NOW filed a motion to dismiss the lawsuit. Part of the lawsuit was dismissed, but the motion to dismiss all counts was denied. The lawsuit is moving forward.

Other NOW staff members and interns accused Van Pelt of discrimination: “illegal, morally reprehensible, dishonest, destructive, and frankly toxic behavior.”

Trashing to create intentional inequality is a feminist leader tradition.

Fortunately, NOW includes state chapter leaders and national board members who do want equality. They called for Van Pelt to leave NOW. Van Pelt resigned, citing health reasons.

NOW has yet to create equality between its own staff and members. How can it possibly create equality between women and men?

“‘Don’t Forget the White Women!’: Members Say Racism Ran Rampant at NOW”
Emily Shugerman
The Daily Beast
August 12, 2020

“President of Now steps down amid racism allegations at feminist group”
Miranda Bryant
The Guardian
August 17, 2020

“Trashing: The Dark Side of Sisterhood”
Joreen
Ms. Magazine
1976, pages 49 to 51 and 92 to 98.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Facebook Page

Women Speaking Equality

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

How All Girl Schools Fail Their Students & Alumnae

An all girl school failure to celebrate women’s successes equally
invites all men to ignore women’s successes completely.

I attended an all girl Catholic high school in the 1960s. I have stayed in touch with a number of high school classmates. My high school is unhappy about me saying my experiences at that school were mostly terrible. The school administration believed that the requirement for physical uniforms included mental and emotional uniforms as well. We had to follow strict rules for wearing our physical uniforms. There were also strict rules for wearing the mental and emotional uniforms. The school administration considered us successful only if we wore the assigned physical, mental, and emotional uniforms properly.

Four years after I graduated from high school, I ran into a classmate I met the first day of our freshman year. I told her it took me two years to figure out everything our high school told us about the world that was not true. She responded that she’d had exactly the same experience.

I stayed on the alumnae list to stay in touch with classmates. After my older sister graduated from the same high school, she made sure to disappear from the alumnae list. She hated our high school so much she wanted to make sure the administration could never find her. Many of the classmates I wanted to stay in touch with never appeared on the alumnae lists. Staying off the alumnae lists was apparently a common goal.

Exposing The Truth

In 2010, I received a fundraising letter saying that donor organizations wanted to know how many alumnae were donating money to the high school. The letter revealed that only 3% percent of alumnae made donations. The letter writer — an alumna — asked, “What’s up with that?”

The answer to “What’s up with that?” has at least two parts. First, 97% of alumnae did not enjoy their high school years. Second, 97% of alumnae did not enjoy years of figuring out the lies our high school told us about the world. The question itself is insulting. I read the question as: What’s up with alumnae refusing to wear the assigned mental and emotional uniforms?

Living The Lessons My High School Taught

When I post my successes to my class Facebook page, dozens of classmates view my posts, but very few classmates celebrate my successes by liking my posts or writing comments. My high school taught us to betray each other according to the cultural themes of betrayal between women.

I am one of 40 women who wrote chapters for Voices of the 21st Century: Resilient Women Who Rise and Make a Difference. The book’s official Amazon launch was February 23, 2021. By 10:00 in the morning, our book had reached #1 bestseller in Biography Reference and Collections. By midafternoon we were #2 in Business Mentoring & Coaching and #3 in Women & Business. Our book became an international bestseller on launch day. The next day, our book became #1 in Business Mentoring & Coaching.

On launch day, I wrote three posts about the bestselling success of my book to my high school class Facebook page. This is the count for each post on April 30, 2021:

Post #1
34 views
1 reaction

Post #2
40 views
3 reactions

Post #3
51 views
7 reactions
10 comments
8 reactions and comments by the same women

I posted a graphic of the book’s Amazon standings on February 27th.
49 views
8 reactions
1 comment

My high school viewed every post, but remained silent. I took  screenshots to prove my high school viewed my posts without celebrating my success. Note that the majority of my classmates followed the example of my high school in ignoring my success.

Top Priority

For the record, I celebrated a success of the religious order that sponsors my high school. On March 22, 2017 I wrote a post on my class Facebook page about a trailblazing effort by that religious order in 1978. I discovered it in a book about a particular kind of social justice and shared it with my classmates. My high school liked my celebration of their success. My high school never celebrated a single one of my successes. I can only assume they never celebrate any success of any alumna who refuses to wear the assigned mental and emotional uniforms. No matter what each alumna does to make the world a better place, money in the school bank account was and is my high school’s top priority.

I took a screenshot of my post celebrating the success of the sponsoring religious order. I wouldn’t put it past my high school to delete that post after they learn about this blog post.

Have my Catholic high school administrations and classmates heard of
the second greatest Christian commandment?

A Mission Of Inequality

Here is my high school’s mission statement as I write this:

—— ———, a college preparatory Catholic school for women, sponsored by the —— ——— Sisters,
fosters academic excellence, truth, peace and justice while challenging each student to develop leadership
for life and respect for all races, cultures, and faiths.

Did you notice that the word “equality” is missing?

Women’s leadership that excludes equality for women?

Women’s leadership that includes intentional inequality for women?

Why should men celebrate women’s successes when women ignore women’s successes?

I offered to do a free workshop to current students at my high school about breaking glass ceilings. The school ignored my offer.

Some All Girl High Schools Teach Equality

I graduated from high school in 1969. The current administration at my high school cannot even admit that Catholic education for girls in the 1960s limited women’s opportunities severely. One example: My high school did not offer advanced math classes because why on earth would good Catholic girls need to know advanced math? We were just going to get married and make babies!

And yet, my high school expects all alumnae to donate money.

My two younger sisters attended a different all girl Catholic high school. One of them took karate lessons as part of her school curriculum. More freedom to think and feel differently than my older sister and I had. I don’t know about my younger sisters’ alumnae experiences because my family was toxic and I walked away from everyone after my father died. I hope their high school does more celebrations of student and alumnae success. That would mean more invitations for men to celebrate women’s successes.

Ultimate Proof Of Intentional Inequality

In 2019 I created a new Facebook account for my business activities. I did not know that Facebook had changed its policies about multiple accounts. On April 29, 2021 I informed friends of my original Facebook account that I would soon be deleting that account and keeping my second account. I sent friend requests to my list of friends. Not every classmate accepted my request.

But the ultimate inequality came from my high school. I asked to join the private group for my graduating year. I first accidentally clicked on the wrong year and requested membership. I heard back from that class group in less than an hour. No acceptance from my own class group 5 days after requesting membership.

My high school excels at teaching girls to discount and betray other girls and women.

My high school fails at celebrating student and alumnae successes equally.

My high school excels at teaching intentional inequality.

My high school fails at teaching girls to create respectful connections  with other girls and women despite differences.

Applying Pressure For Equality

I wrote this blog post to draw attention to the damage high schools like mine do to girls and women while pretending to be improving the world for girls and women.

It’s likely my high school will add the word ‘equality’ to its mission statement after reading this post. The administration will want to pretend it cares after they know people are reading about their intentional inequality. They can prove they care about equality by equally celebrating the successes of each student and each alumna.

Will they?

I doubt it will happen without pressure from parents.

Take note. To be a model for celebrating student and alumnae successes equally, my high school has to celebrate every single one of my successes equally. Every single one.

To counter the damage all girl schools like my high school do, I plan to make a video. I am taking a video course to create promotional videos for my own businesses. When those are finished, I will make a video about the question parents should ask any all girl school. See the section below. I will post the video on social media monthly. The video will explain where parents can read this blog post.

When I read about the sponsoring order in the book on social justice, I discovered that they had been leaders in creating that particular kind of social equality. My high school’s sponsoring order could have been leaders in creating equality for girls and women. Instead, they continuously created intentional inequality for their students and alumnae. For all of those wasted decades I have wanted to say this to the successive administrations of my high school:

Stop acting like teenage girl cliques and grow up already!

To Parents

What value are you getting from private school tuition to an all girl school that invites men to ignore your daughter(s)’s successes? Ignoring successes translates into fewer career opportunities, fewer promotions, and lower salaries. Here is a quote from startup investor and advisor Fran Hauser:

“We were talking about potential salary increases for a man and a woman who were peers,
and an older woman on the board recommended a higher salary increase for the man,
explaining that he was the primary breadwinner in his family, while the woman was single
and didn’t have the same financial stress.”

That older woman wanted to create intentional inequality for another woman. Her words invited every man on that board to create intentional inequality for all women. She ignored the other woman’s successes in the same way my high school teaches its students to ignore other women’s successes. I could only wonder if that older woman is an alumna of my high school.

If you are a parent looking for an all girl school for your daughter(s), ask each school this question:

“How do you celebrate the successes
of each student and each alumna equally?”

Schools will learn to celebrate successes equally when parents demonstrate their willingness to take their tuition money elsewhere. Perhaps a sincere desire for equality will follow.

Movement For Equality

My resilience includes exposing women who create inequality between women. I launched Women Speaking Equality on Facebook to encourage women to celebrate other women’s successes. I posted a link to this blog post as a comment to the pinned post on that page. My followers already include women on other continents.

Voices of the 21st Century is a series. The 2021 book is the 4th book in the series. I have already been accepted to write a chapter for  2022’s Voices V. My chapter is about equality between women and will refer to my Women Speaking Equality page on Facebook. Since the first four books in the series are all international bestsellers, Voices V will be an international bestseller as well. Women from around the world will go to Women Speaking Equality on Facebook and see the link to this blog post. Women from around the world will learn how my all girl Catholic high school creates intentional inequality between and for girls and women.

How Will My High School Respond?

Will successive administrations of my high school finally stop acting like teenage girl cliques and start celebrating successes equally?

Will they stop expecting adult women to wear mental and emotional uniforms?

Will they respect my equal right to join the Facebook group for my class year?

Will they finally realize that celebrating successes equally gives all alumnae equal reasons to donate money?

I will write updates about anything my high school does or does not do in response to this blog post.

Just between you and me, I think my high school assumed that their intentional inequality
of denying me membership in my class Facebook group would make me disappear.
Oops!
Because my high school invites men to make women disappear, I refuse to disappear.

The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate
Fran Hauser
2018, page 110

Voices of the 21st Century: Resilient Women Who Rise and Make a Difference

Paula M. Kramer
© 2021 and on.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Facebook Page

Women Speaking Equality

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Poverty

See the first post in this series for an introduction to the negative stereotypes behind bad and ugly gossip.

If you use negative stereotypes about people who are different from you, you are inviting everyone who hears you to use negative stereotypes about you. Below are some of the negative stereotypes other people could use about you.

Stereotype Updates

I add stereotypes as I come across them.

New stereotype examples in each category are underlined.

Sign up for the mailing list to receive emails listing the new stereotypes.

~~~~~

People living at working class, low income and poverty levels

thieving

lazy

dependent

passive

uneducated

unmotivated

undeserving

deviant for not being middle class

don’t work hard enough

don’t work at all

can’t improve themselves

feel bad about themselves

don’t make friends well

unable to defer gratification

lack of respect for or interest in education

dishonest

promiscuous

apathetic or ignorant about birth control

ethnic minority

lack thrift

loose morals

no personal drive

no willingness to take risks

no initiative

unwilling to work hard

fail to seize opportunities

take advantage of the health care system

deserve to live in poor neighborhoods near garbage dumps and
toxic waste, near noxious industries

deserve poorer school systems, inferior medical care, more
frequent arrests, harsher prison sentences, more severe
social control

should pay for restaurant meals before they eat

should be watched closely in stores

should be publicly humiliated

believe everything they see on television

are the group most likely to have trouble paying their bills

Mothers receiving welfare

lazy

freeloader

wild

lack confidence

abuse the system

practice fraud

get something for nothing

sit at home

lack work ethics

keep having babies for free

unskilled laborers

live high on the hog

on drugs

deserve contraceptive testing, involuntary sterilization,
and coercive treatment during pregnancy, prosecution
for drug use

fat

sits in front of television all day eating potato chips

adopted a child so they could get welfare

Fathers of low income children

deadbeat dads (only good for financial support)

Social welfare programs are meant to help

low income people

Low income people are poor in

friendships

verbal skills

education

social manners

resources

health

happiness

Low income parents

lack educational values

Low income children

lack motivation

do not value education

would not benefit from the kind of education offered in schools in
wealthier areas

Low income women

slobs

plain

unattractive

neglect their children

Low income men

buffoon

threat

Points to Ponder

Did you notice that people living in poverty might not be able to improve themselves because other people think they “deserve” poorer school systems?

Did you notice the opposite stereotypes that people living in poverty “can’t improve themselves” but can “take advantage of the health care system”?

Did you notice that people living in poverty can take advantage of the health care system, but are poor in health?

Did you notice that people living in poverty might need to take advantage of the health care system because other people think they “deserve” inferior medical care?

How do people living in poverty “live high on the hog” when other people think they “deserve to live in poor neighborhoods near garbage dumps and toxic waste, near noxious industries”?

Personal Note

I wrote letters to the editor about poverty issues for several years. I was low income because a childhood injury to my spine was misdiagnosed for 33 years. Eventually, normal sitting and standing became extremely painful. How would you earn money if you couldn’t sit or stand normally?

Early in my letter writing years, a friend was in a baby sitting coop. My friend attended a meeting shortly after the newspaper had published one of my letters about poverty. One of the other women in the coop asked if anyone knew Paula Kramer. My friend said she did. The other woman asked:

“Is Paula fat and does she sit in front of TV set all day eating potato chips?”

My friend told me she set the woman straight.

My husband was part Native American and our daughter has his darker skin coloring. A neighbor asked me,

“Did you adopt your daughter so you could get welfare?”

Why would any adoption agency allow someone living at poverty level to adopt a child?

~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~

Online workshop that provides strategies to chip away stereotypes in both professional and personal relationships:

Simple & Effective Strategies For Ending Negative Workplace Gossip

“After participating in the gossip power presentation, I know I now have a better plan to be more effective in understanding how gossip affects every area of a person’s personal and professional life. Using her strategies on gossip power and gossip ears I feel I will be better able to navigate these areas both inside and outside the office. Paula does a great job, using both scientific research and personal anecdotes and examples, to develop strategies for turning the power of gossip into positives for anyone attending her presentation. I left energized and excited about her message and what I learned and am definitely looking forward to learning more at her glass ceiling presentation.“
Mark Spiers
SBDC Consultant

Paula is a fabulous motivational speaker. Not only does she speak on positivity, but she conducts webinars on gossip and how to get out of the trap!! She is very knowledgeable, professional and inspirational! I love Paula’s talks and webinars! She mentors women to bring out their best and believe in themselves! Thank you for all that you! The world needs you right now!
Lauren Ebbecke

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Gossip Posters

Gossip Proverb

Good, Bad, & Ugly Gossip

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Romance

See the first post in this series for an introduction to the negative stereotypes behind bad and ugly gossip.

If you use negative stereotypes about people who are different from you, you are inviting everyone who hears you to use negative stereotypes about you. Below are some of the negative stereotypes other people could use about you in romantic relationships.

Stereotype Updates

I add stereotypes as I come across them.

New stereotype examples in each category are underlined.

Sign up for the mailing list to receive emails listing the new stereotypes.

~~~~~

 

Women in romantic relationships

should give up jobs when children are born

should not accept a job offer that could jeopardize partner’s caree

Romantic relationships are likely to end if

the woman has a high status career and stays in her career

If a woman succeeds while her partner fails it means the woman

caused her partner’s failure

could destroy the relationship

If a woman fails while her partner succeeds it means

her partner had the ability to succeed, but she didn’t

The most successful relationship is between

a man with a high level career and a woman with a low level career

Women wearing revealing clothing are

seen by men as seductive

seen by women as not nice

Women who go to a bar, have a nightcap in an apartment, dress up

interested in sex

Women who drink alcohol

sexually available

more aggressive

have few social skills

Obese people

less attractive

lower self-esteem

less likely to be dating

less erotic

deserves fat, ugly partner

Friendly women

want sex

Men who dress revealingly

less liked

not sexy

Muscular men

domineering

controlling

mean

abusive in relationships with overweight or underweight people

In abusive relationships

men do all the abusing

Women battered by men

masochists

castrators

flirts

Men battered by women are

liars

freaks

Women in violent domestic relationships

blameless

Men in violent domestic relationships

blameworthy

Analyzing women’s roles in violent relationships

sexist

Analyzing men’s roles in violent relationships

giving men an excuse

Taking into account individual pathologies, marital dynamics,
and personal circumstances, and any abuse men suffer

would only give men an excuse to get away with abuse

If a woman acts out abusive behavior toward her partner

drunk

unstable

shrewish

Obese people

less attractive

lower self-esteem

less likely to be dating

less erotic

deserves fat, ugly partner

Points to Ponder

First, the list above provides an example of hedge-your-bets stereotyping. Hedging your bets with stereotypes means using opposite stereotypes about the same group or individual. The opposite stereotypes in this list are about women abused by men. These women are all of the below:

masochists

castrators

flirts

blameless

People who use hedge-your-bets stereotyping are truth definers. They define truth according to what they believe. Maintaining their definition of truth means using stereotypes according to situations. Opposite situations require opposite stereotypes. However, some truth definers will use opposite stereotypes within the same conversation or paragraph.

Second, these stereotypes make abusive men inherently bad, even when situational factors make their abuse more likely. Domestic violence will not end as long as anyone uses these stereotypes about romantic relationships.

Third, the stereotypes ignore the women who abuse men in romantic relationships. My mother was one of those abusers. She emotionally abused my father.

~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~

Online workshop that provides strategies to chip away stereotypes in both professional and personal relationships:

Simple & Effective Strategies For Ending Negative Workplace Gossip

“After participating in the gossip power presentation, I know I now have a better plan to be more effective in understanding how gossip affects every area of a person’s personal and professional life. Using her strategies on gossip power and gossip ears I feel I will be better able to navigate these areas both inside and outside the office. Paula does a great job, using both scientific research and personal anecdotes and examples, to develop strategies for turning the power of gossip into positives for anyone attending her presentation. I left energized and excited about her message and what I learned and am definitely looking forward to learning more at her glass ceiling presentation.“
Mark Spiers
SBDC Consultant

Paula is a fabulous motivational speaker. Not only does she speak on positivity, but she conducts webinars on gossip and how to get out of the trap!! She is very knowledgeable, professional and inspirational! I love Paula’s talks and webinars! She mentors women to bring out their best and believe in themselves! Thank you for all that you! The world needs you right now!
Lauren Ebbecke

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Gossip Posters

Gossip Proverb

Good, Bad, & Ugly Gossip

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Workplaces

See the first post in this series for an introduction to the negative stereotypes behind bad and ugly gossip.

If you use negative stereotypes about people who are different from you, you are inviting everyone who hears you to use negative stereotypes about you. Below are some of the negative stereotypes other people could use about you in your workplace.

Stereotype Updates

I add stereotypes as I come across them.

New stereotype examples in each category are underlined.

Sign up for the mailing list to receive emails listing the new stereotypes.

~~~~~

People who do their jobs well

hall monitor

tattle tale

troublemaker

trying to get coworkers in trouble

hormonal

rebellious

stroppy

time of the month

bad tempered

argumentative

Half White / Half Black

Performs better than Black

Businessmen

aggressive

materialistic

mercenary

Nice guys

finish last

Businesswomen

less happy with success

unattractive

aggressive

unpopular

less likely to maintain a steady relationship

egoist

dominant

hide feelings

less feminine

more masculine

less desirable

Women bosses

petty

envious

power-mad

too aggressive

Women are seen as unsuitable for management positions

when their hair is long, curly,  extreme in color, in the face,
fastened with barrettes and ribbons

when they wear extreme amounts and colors of makeup,
soft or tight sweaters, low necklines, ruffled blouses,
dangling or ostentatious jewelry,  and don’t wear a jacket

when they are attractive

Attractive women

stupid

should be trophy wife instead of career woman

interested in sex

schemers

less trustworthy

more expendable

should smile at everyone

less competent

Handsome men

ambitious

threat to management self-interest

opinionated

Feminine dressing women

low managerial skills

low interest in work

illogical

overemotional in critical decision making

financially responsible

helpless

dependent on the influences of others

sexy

flirtatious in social relations

not  assertive

low independence

low self-confidence

Successful / career black women

arrogant

hard

controlling

self-centered

uppity

Women who use the title Ms.

more motivated

more masculine

less likable

Women who use the titles Miss or Mrs.

lacking personality characteristics of a successful middle manager

Secretaries

materialistic

pregnant workers

overly emotional

often irrational

physically limited

less than committed to the job

don’t perform well

not valuable or dependable as a worker

Older workers

absent more

lower productivity levels

less flexible in their behavior

unable to learn new skills

prone to job-related accidents

Overweight workers

blameworthy

guilt-ridden

untrustworthy

incompetent

salesclerks

pushy

insensitive

insincere

fawning

Construction workers

ordinary

unremarkable

Soldiers

shell shocked soldiers are neurotically susceptible and infantile

Journalists

callous

cavalier

hound celebrities

interested in human weakness

chew up private lives for entertainment

Clothing designers

aggressive

Men who work in stereotypical female professions

taking a step down

receive preferential treatment for hiring and promotion
— a glass escalator

Male nurses

gay (which assumes that being gay is bad)

Male librarians

wimpy

asexual

Male social workers

feminine

passive

Male elementary school teachers

pedophiles

failures as men

Male managers

domineering

challenging

Disabled workers

incompetent

vulnerable

ineligible for jobs

CEOs

need to be compensated with huge sums of money to
motivate them to do their jobs well

Lawyers

untrustworthy

contemptible

fast talkers

dishonest

subverters of justice

look for loopholes

Truckers

bullies

menace on the highway

Low income workers

will not be motivated by higher salaries to do their jobs well
or work harder

will only be motivated by the threat of their jobs being moved
overseas

Giving raises, health care, and retirement benefits to workers

will increase inflation

squeeze profit margins

end economic prosperity

Giving stock options, bonuses, and multimillion dollar salaries to CEOs

will lower inflation

increase profit margins

lead to  economic prosperity

Whistleblowers

squealers

rats

stoop-pigeons

finks

loose cannons

dangers to businesses damaging to career of fellow workers

habitual liars

irresponsible

masters of deceit

committed crimes

fudged resumes

In general women workers are stereotyped as

less competent

not good as leaders

incapable of assertiveness

less knowledgeable

having less authority

being deviant for showing competence and assertiveness

being deviant for interrupting a man

too emotional to do important work

In general women’s work is stereotyped as

less important

less authoritative

less convincing

less valuable

needing to be rejected

ignored or unrecognized

inferior to men’s work

Because of the stereotypes, employed women experience

less pay

lower performance evaluations

fewer promotions

fewer opportunities

less power

fewer resources

less autonomy

less approval for efforts and more disapproval of efforts

more pressure

less accommodation

less cooperation

more interruptions

less authority

less respect

less credit for their work

When men succeed on the job, the stereotyped reasons include

the ability and talents of the men

When women succeed on the job, the stereotyped reasons include

unstable or external causes

When men fail on the job, the stereotyped reasons include

lack of effort

a difficult situation

bad luck

When women fail on the job, the stereotyped reasons include

lack of talent and ability

work-family issues

are concerns for women

research on the impact of parental work

focuses on the mother having a job or the father losing a job

Entrepreneurship

criminal activity

Points to Ponder about Men in the Workplace

Men in women’s fields enjoy a glass escalator of preferential treatment for hiring and promotion and are over represented in managerial positions. But choosing a career in a traditionally female field means you’ll face stereotypes of failure and criminality.

Points to Ponder about Women in the Workplace

If you are a woman, be careful to never use any of the negative stereotypes about women in the workplace against other women. If you do, you will be giving permission to everyone else to:

Pay you less

Lower your job performance evaluations

Pass you over for promotions

Deny you opportunities

Deny you power

Deny you resources

Deny you autonomy

Denying approval for your efforts while disapproving your
efforts more

Put you under more pressure

Be less accommodating with you

Be less cooperative with you

Interrupt you more

Deny you authority

Deny you respect

Deny you credit for your work

Points to Ponder about Pay & Benefits

Did you notice the following?

Money and benefits supposedly motivate CEOs but not the
workers that keep the company going.

Raises for CEOs supposedly benefit the economy but raises
for ordinary workers supposedly harm the economy.

Secretaries cannot be motivated by raises but are materialistic
while CEOs need big pay raises to be motivated but are not
materialistic.

Perhaps we should ask the CEOs who get the top pay and benefits to explain why programs that give money to the poor have created so many benefits that dozens of countries have those programs.

~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~

Online workshop that provides strategies to chip away stereotypes in both professional and personal relationships:

Simple & Effective Strategies For Ending Negative Workplace Gossip

“After participating in the gossip power presentation, I know I now have a better plan to be more effective in understanding how gossip affects every area of a person’s personal and professional life. Using her strategies on gossip power and gossip ears I feel I will be better able to navigate these areas both inside and outside the office. Paula does a great job, using both scientific research and personal anecdotes and examples, to develop strategies for turning the power of gossip into positives for anyone attending her presentation. I left energized and excited about her message and what I learned and am definitely looking forward to learning more at her glass ceiling presentation.“
Mark Spiers
SBDC Consultant

Paula is a fabulous motivational speaker. Not only does she speak on positivity, but she conducts webinars on gossip and how to get out of the trap!! She is very knowledgeable, professional and inspirational! I love Paula’s talks and webinars! She mentors women to bring out their best and believe in themselves! Thank you for all that you! The world needs you right now!
Lauren Ebbecke

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Gossip Posters

Gossip Proverb

Good, Bad, & Ugly Gossip

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Forget Dress For Success. Dress To Express!

When you want to be at your best, dress to express your best. Dress to express your best behavior style characteristics. When you express your best behavior style characteristics, your confidence will shine through.

We are combinations of the four basic behavior styles, with most of us having one main or High behavior style modified by a Secondary High behavior style. (For a better understanding of DISC behavior styles, download S&R Keys.)

Four basic behavior styles means four basic ways of dressing. Have you noticed fashion magazines highlighting the latest trends for each behavior style? Of course not. I don’t know how fashion trends start, but being fashionable means dressing one particular way. If the fashion trend of the moment happens to match your High behavior style, then your confidence will shine right through your fashionable wardrobe.

If you are one of the three behavior styles that the fashion trends ignore, dressing according to fashion will prevent your confidence from shining through. If you dress according to fashion trends that do not give you confidence, you give any competitive advantage you could have to the people who do feel confident when dressing according fashion trends.

Think about your wardrobe. Which outfits make you feel like you can do anything? Those outfits give you confidence. Those outfits are your dress to express clothes.

For example, Hillary Clinton felt able to express herself in comfortable pantsuits. Steve Jobs felt able to express himself in black turtlenecks and jeans.

Keep in mind that situation plays a factor. As Secretary of State, Clinton did have to dress in a professional style. But her pantsuits are professional and she wears a variety of colors. Steve Jobs owned his company so he could set his own fashion. Most of us have to be more like Clinton, finding a way to express ourselves while dressing for the situation. If all you can do to express yourself is to add an accessory that lets your confidence shine through, then do that. Or do what Hillary Clinton does and wear the colors that express you.

I learned the clothing styles of the four basic behavior styles from the man who introduced me to the DISC behavior style theory. Since we are all combinations of the four basic behavior styles, we may need to express different behavior styles in different situations. This would be a second reason we need to dress to express ourselves according to the situation.

Think which behavior styles match your behavior. I am a High I over Secondary High S, so I am both outgoing in some situations and reserved in other situations. I am always looking for ways to connect with people. I know what to wear so I speak confidently in front of a group of people. I know what to wear when I want to stay on the sidelines. I know how to express myself with confidence. With understanding, you can express yourself with confidence, too.

High D — Outgoing, gets things done
Neat, functional clothing

High I — Outgoing, connects with people
Dramatic, unconventional clothing

High S — Reserved, connects with people
Traditional clothing (could be women wearing skirts and men wearing ties)

High C — Reserved, gets things done
Conservative clothing

The late personal stylist and image consultant Annie Brumbaugh of AD Wardrobe Works had tips for creating a wardrobe that could change your life. One of her tips was to buy “what you love, what makes you comfortable, what you feel expresses you.” Even Annie’s obituary includes her wardrobe advice:

“You are the star of your life. Your wardrobe is the costume department.
Are you dressed for the role you want to play?”

Dress to express who you are as the star of your life.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Was I A Loser?

Online comments, tweets, interviews, and overheard conversations reveal misconceptions about people, success, and failure. One misconception stems from the tendency of some people to label other people “losers” using only limited information.

Is someone who turns down a chance to attend college a loser?

Is someone who can’t keep a full time job a loser?

Is someone who drifts from one low paying job to another a loser?

At age 18 I turned down the chance to attend college even though my parents would have paid for it. For years I couldn’t keep a full time job for more than six months. During one year I worked at 10 or more low paying jobs. Was I a loser?

The information other people didn’t have was that my mother tried to kill me twice when I was very young. I spent my entire childhood in terror of my mother killing me. I felt safe only on Christmas Day. Every other day of the year I woke up fearing my mother would kill me that day. No one else knew because my mother was accomplished at hiding cruel words and actions behind her image of a “good mother”. My father loved me but became an alcoholic to dull the cruel words my mother used to batter him emotionally.

I never consciously said to myself, “Mom might kill me today.” That kind of conscious awareness would have made me insane. I buried my murder memories. At age 14 I began overeating compulsively to bury my feelings. I turned down the chance to attend college because I did not want my mother controlling my life any longer. I couldn’t keep a full time job for more than six months because I was suicidally depressed. I drifted from one low paying job to another because the buried memories of my mother murdering me hindered my ability to function.

My turbulent subconscious kept reminding me of the murder attempts with several recurring clues. After 3 years of heart-shredding therapy I finally said to myself at age 42, “Mom did try to kill me.” Today I have two college degrees, am writing several books, have done professional talks, have made a documentary, and have helped other people.

My parents had six children. Daughter, daughter (me), son, daughter, son, daughter. When I was 34, the brother who was born third told me that the reason I had problems with our mother was that I was female instead of male. He said that our mother expected him to be her “knight in shining armor”. My mother needed a son to prove her worth as a woman. In the words of my psychologist brother-in-law, my mother treated my brother like “a god”. Because she needed a knight in shining armor, my mother saw me as a threat. The crime that sentenced me to death was being female.

To protect herself from anything I might eventually say about her, my mother taught relatives and neighbors to ignore what I said and discount what I did. It worked. My siblings and relatives (including my psychologist brother-in-law) think I exaggerate everything and am irresponsible. My siblings treated me like a trespasser in their lives because they considered me a loser.

When I had increasing problems earning money because of a childhood injury to my spine, they decided I couldn’t be feeling physical pain. My older sister asked, “Are you sure it isn’t emotional?’ I told her that when I wore a belt too tightly, my spine hurt. When I loosened the belt, my spine stopped hurting. My sister didn’t believe me. The physical injury to my spine meant nothing in the face of  my siblings’ need to stereotype me as a loser.

If I had allowed myself to remember enough to say something as a child, no one would have believed me. My father taught at Northwestern University. My mother had attended a year of college herself. Who would have believed that a college educated married woman would try to kill her own child?

A series of nightmares put the pieces of my murder memories together at age 42. My father was the only family member who had loved me for who I was, and he died when I was 30. I knew that if I talked about my mother trying to kill me, no one in my family or circle of friends and relatives would believe me. Knowing the outcome, I finally wrote letters stating that my mother had tried to kill me. No one believed me. It was much easier for everyone else to see me as a loser.

I have met five other women who remember one or both of their parents trying to kill them. One of them remembers her police detective father pointing a loaded gun at her head. Some of them escaped the loser label, some of them did not. Were any of us losers? No. We were survivors forced to cope with trauma by ourselves because other people labeled us losers.

My family is what I call a “murder secret family” When parents kill or attempt to kill their children and hide the crimes successfully, the entire family learns to keep the crimes a secret. Many family members keep the secret without knowing they are keeping that kind of secret. My mother manipulated everyone else to participate in keeping the secret, but only she and I knew what the secret was. Sometimes other children will know there is a secret, even if parents successfully kill one or more of their children. A child disappears, never spoken of again. But the siblings remember there used to be more of them.

Sometimes other siblings blame all sibling relationship problems on the sibling who survived attempted murder. My siblings absolved themselves of treating me like a member of their family by deciding I had caused all my own problems with my emotional, irresponsible behavior. Everyone else considered themselves innocent of everything. My surviving siblings probably still see me as a loser. To see me as I really am, they would have to see themselves as they really are. Murder secret family members keep secrets from themselves about their own loser behaviors. I left all of my relatives behind because they were all losers to me.

My mother hasn’t been able to completely hide her secret from herself. She has repeatedly told people what a “good mother” she is. I’ve never heard any other mother repeatedly describe herself as a “good mother”. I don’t. My mother keeps describing herself as a “good mother” to other people to convince herself that she couldn’t have possibly tried to kill her own baby twice.

The next time you see someone society labels a loser, remember my story.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

smilessparksuccess.com

speakingfromtriumph.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com 

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Television Strong Women As Role Models? Career Dangerous In Real Life!

“Let’s Hear It for TV’s Difficult Women”
Megan Angelo
Glamour Magazine
June 2015

Lady Mary
Downtown Abbey

Selina Meyer
Veep

Cookie
Empire

Carrie Mathison
Homeland

Olivia Pope
Scandal

Claire Underwood
House of Cards

Abby and Hana
Broad City

While going through a stack of old magazines in December 2019, I came across the article above. I had to write my reaction within days.

These are quotes from the article:

“Headlining every breakout show are the sort of women who have
historically been classified as ‘difficult,” even bitchy—ambitious,
blunt, and staunchly ‘bout their own business.”

“Sure, Cookie may rub some people the wrong way, but who cares?
She fights for what she wants. And that’s the crux of the ice-cold,
attitude-y TV ladies—they’re risk takers and, ultimately, winners.”

“Then we go home and watch women who remind people pleasers
like me that a well-placed retort, a scorching rant, or even just a
meaningful pause are doable, important, and something we should try,
on whatever level we can handle.”

Megan Angelo forgot that television characters care only if the writers make them care. Real people care. In real life, bitches invite backlash. Lots of people accept those invitations and choose among the following:

Revenge

Backstabbing

Payback

Real life former bitch Bernadette Boas wrote a book about why she stopped being a bitch. The quote below reveals why real life bitches lose:

“Today, large and small businesses engage me to help them find a solution
to breaking the glass ceiling for the women in their organization. On one
particular call, a man who headed up a large medical practice explained to
me how the two women on his Board of Directors, both eligible to replace the
CEO, were going to be overlooked, because, he stated, “They’re bitches.”
The women were qualified and deserving of the position, but no one would
vote them in because of their attitudes. I  knew exactly what he was talking about.”

Bernadette also feels shame. She feels ashamed for not caring that she was a bitch. This is her apology for decades of bitchiness:

Forgive me for the bitch I was.

Forgive me for not knowing I was.

Forgive me for not caring I was.

I am truly sorry.

Do you enjoy living with shame?

I use the phrase “girl growls” for the statements ice-cold, attitude-y women make about other women without caring. Read how one “strong woman” growled for what she wanted and lost. I used a girl growl and lost, too.

Now read how Rafe Esquith made a point of being nice to everyone. The invitations he sent out came back when he was in his greatest need of support. Rafe Esquith won. The bitches qualified to be CEO and Billionaire Mafia owner Lana Fuchs lost. Television writers can make bitches win no matter what they do. People in your life can make you lose because of what you do.

I wonder how much backlash Megan Angelo invited if she used “well-placed retorts” and “scorching rants”. How much of the backlash was behind her back?

I have a blog full of real world examples of success sparking success and failure flaring failure. We can’t control the factors that create serendipitous success or freaky failure, but we can control whether we choose and invite every other type of success or failure.

The CEO candidate bitches and Billionaire Mafia owner Lana Fuchs chose and invited failure. Rafe Esquith chose and invited success.

What do you choose?

Back to one Megan Angelo quote:

“Sure, Cookie may rub some people the wrong way, but who cares?”

Megan doesn’t care when women treat other women as unequal? Does she care when other women treat her as unequal?

I care when women create inequality for other women because I want equality. Equality between men and women will follow equality between women. Read the Girl GritGirl Goodwill, and Success & Failure Choices pages on my website to understand how creating equality sparks success, including unforeseen success.

Back to Bernadette Boas’ apology:

Forgive me for the bitch I was.

Forgive me for not knowing I was.

Forgive me for not caring I was.

I am truly sorry.

Bernadette feels shame for the decades she didn’t care. When Megan Angelo finally starts caring, other women will care enough to spark success for her. Because Bernadette Boas cares about helping other women now, I promote her book, her radio show, and her consulting at every opportunity to quote her. I am doing my best to help Bernadette Boas win because of what she does. When more women win as CEOs (and Presidents and Prime Ministers), women like me will have more opportunities for success in other areas.

And because I support Bernadette, Bernadette has repeatedly offered to support me. In an email exchange regarding this blog post, I told her about my next project. She will do what she can to support me when I am ready.

Bernadette Boas and I are the strong women Megan Angelo should be emulating. We both had the strength to recognize how we harmed other people and how hurting other women also hurt us. We are winners because admitting the harm we did to other women is the first step toward winning with other womenBernadette and I  are ready to welcome Megan Angelo into winning with us.

In case you’re wondering, I started this winning with relationship when I contacted Bernadette to say I wanted to include a quote from her book on my Girl Grit page. I asked for nothing in return because I saw support for Bernadette as a way to increase success for all women, including me. Bernadette chose to offer support specific to me. We will continue winning with each other as long as we are able to.

If Megan Angelo ever contacts another woman with the intent of supporting her, she must do so with sincerity. Insincerity would prove the impossibility of winning with Megan.

Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting Your Bitches to Riches in Life and Business
Bernadette Boas
Pages 4 and 216

Bernadette on Linkedin

Bernadette’s website

Bernadette’s radio show

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Facebook Page

Women Speaking Equality

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Girl Growl Backfire: 8 Words End A Friendship Of Years

I was a single mother because my husband died when our daughter was 8 months old. I was a disabled single mother because a childhood spinal injury had been repeatedly misdiagnosed. My disability was invisible, so a lot of people did not believe I had disabling pain in my spine. My daughter and I lived on Social Security Survivors Benefits, food stamps, housing assistance, and medical assistance. My husband died very young, so the benefits from his account were small.

A good number of people, groups, and organizations let me know that accepting any assistance meant taking money out of their pockets. For years I wrote letters to newspapers about poverty. One woman responded with an accusation of “…hiding behind your daughter and looking for free handouts.”

In this atmosphere, I failed another single mother. A tragedy happened in her family. I will give no details to protect her now the way I did not protect her then.

This single mother’s name came up while I was visiting two people I had been good friends with for a number of years. Feeling that the tragedy in this single mother’s life would only make my life as a single mother more difficult, I spoke eight hateful words about her.

The end of the friendship began immediately.

My girl growl backfired on me twice. The first backfire was the end of a friendship that was important to me. The second backfire is a continuing feeling of guilt for the way I failed another woman who was probably treated as badly as I was treated for being a single mother.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Girl Growl Backfire: A Businesswoman Makes An Opportunity Disappear

The description for the first episode of TLC network’s Sin City Rules included the phrase “high-powered women”. When I think of high-powered women, I think of women like Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel, Marissa Mayer, Jody Foster, and Oprah Winfrey. I don’t agree with everything those powerful women do, but I recognize that they are powerful. Because of the phrase about powerful women, I watched the first episode of Sin City Rules. One episode was enough.

None of the women I consider high-powered do any of the following:

Hire six little men to lead them into a big party

Invite other women to unfamiliar events so they can publicly laugh at them.

Engage in bad and ugly gossip so they can feel superior.

Announce that, “I am God.”

Lana Fuchs, owner of Billionaire Mafia, did all of the above. Instead of speaking and acting with girl goodwill towards other women, Lana purposefully growled at one woman in particular.

Lana’s girl growls backfired not just with television viewers, but with TLC executives. TLC cancelled Sin City Rules before the end of its first season. It did not even broadcast the final three episodes.

The blog Carbon Poker commented on the cancellation because one of the women on the show was professional poker player Jennifer Harman. The blog reported that Lana “constantly harassed” independent entertainment business reporter Alicia Jacobs.

Norm Clarke of the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported on a tweet from Gigolos co-producer Marklen Kennedy to Alicia Jacobs: “Cruella de Vil Fuchs is still mad that house fell on her sister back in Oz.”

Clarke also reported on a tweet from Karina in Toronto: “the only likable women were @REALJenHarman & @AliciaJacobs. Otherwise it was girls gone wild – Cougar edition!”

For a complete understanding of the lengths Lana Fuchs went to growl at other women on Sin City Rules, read the episode summaries yourself.

Clarke reported that the person with the most to lose from cancellation of the show was Lana Fuchs. Apparently, Lana saw the show as an opportunity to “energize” her Billionaire Mafia fashion company. Her girl growls backfired and made that opportunity disappear.

Remember, Lana Fuchs announced that, “I am God.” She made these statements about Billionaire Mafia:

Lana Fuchs is also the President and CEO of Billionaire Mafia, a Lifestyle
Clothing Brand, which has become a top contender in the apparel industry
in only a few years.  Lana continues to be involved in all aspects of the
company, from design and manufacturing, to sales and marketing.
Since the creation of Billionaire Mafia in 2008, Lana has succeeded in
turning her brainchild from a small tee shirt business into a global lifestyle
clothing brand consisting of a full line of knits, wovens, denim, leather, tees,
jewelry and much more.  Currently in 400+ select specialty retailers in the
United States, Billionaire Mafia is currently in the process of establishing
its flagship stores nationwide and distribution overseas.

Click on the link below to see how Billionaire Mafia is doing now:

www.BillionaireMafia.com

Not only did businesswoman Lana Fuchs make an opportunity disappear, she apparently made her company disappear.

“Sin City Rules cancelled, Jennifer Harman off TV”
PokerPop
Carbon Poker
January 18, 2013

“‘Sin City Rules’ gets poor reviews”
Norm Clarke
Las Vegas Review-Journal
December 12, 2012

“There’s plenty to be nervous about. Cast members have a lot riding on
the eight-episode series. If the ratings crash and the show gets canceled,
no one stands to lose more than Fuchs, who had high hopes that the show
would energize her Billionaire Mafia fashion company.”

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com