You’re Old So You Deserve… Cruelty From Receptionists & Nurses

If you’re not yet elderly,
this is what could happen to you.

Anything you say about elderly people now goes into ears
and could come out of mouths to you when you are elderly.

My 81 year old friend who lives alone and sometimes has trouble walking fell and broke her toe. She was already on pain medication that was supposed to follow a plan, but she took extra so she could move around her house on her broken toe.

She ran out of medication a few days before her next pain clinic appointment. Before I got to her house the day before her appointment, she had already tried calling the clinic. She wanted to talk to a nurse about getting pain medication just for that day so she could get to her appointment without pain the next day.

No nurse called her back, so she called again. My friend called so many times trying to talk to a nurse that I forget how often she called. I talked to a couple of receptionists myself.

One receptionist lectured my friend about “breaking” her pain contract.

Another receptionist said she would put “priority call” on the message to the nurses. When no nurse called back after close to 2 hours, my friend called again. That receptionist hung up on her.

My friend made yet another try before I left. She was still waiting for a nurse to call her back. She was still in pain from a broken toe. She was unable to eat the lunch we had planned to share because of her pain.

My friend never got a call back from a nurse. Two of us took her to her pain appointment. She explained using the pain pills up faster because of her broken toe.

The doctor said, “That’s when you call for more medication.”

The doctor said NOTHING about my friend breaking her pain contract.

She INCREASED the pain medication dosage for 2 months to get my friend through the broken bone healing process.

The doctor was EXACTLY what my friend needed.

The receptionists and nurses were CRUEL.

I wrote a scathing Google review of the clinic the night of the cruelty. I wrote an update the next day after my friend was home. The reply was “deeply sorry” for the “distressing experience” and asked us to call the patient relations department.

Since the dates were on my review and update, the clinic was able to look up which receptionists and nurses had decided that my 81 year old friend deserved cruelty.

Cruelty can backfire, as those receptionists and nurses discovered.

No elderly person deserves cruelty,
including you when you are elderly.

THINK before you put words into ears.

© Paula M. Kramer, 2024
All rights reserved.

Feminist Leader Trashes Other Feminist Leaders

Ms. Magazine published the article ‘Trashing: The Dark Side of Sisterhood’ in 1976.

More than 40 years later, former National Organization for Women (NOW) vice president Gilda Yazzi filed a federal discrimination lawsuit against NOW and national NOW President Toni Van Pelt for race discrimination, hostile work environment, and retaliation. NOW filed a motion to dismiss the lawsuit. Part of the lawsuit was dismissed, but the motion to dismiss all counts was denied. The lawsuit is moving forward.

Other NOW staff members and interns accused Van Pelt of discrimination: “illegal, morally reprehensible, dishonest, destructive, and frankly toxic behavior.”

Trashing to create intentional inequality is a feminist leader tradition.

Fortunately, NOW includes state chapter leaders and national board members who do want equality. They called for Van Pelt to leave NOW. Van Pelt resigned, citing health reasons.

NOW has yet to create equality between its own staff and members. How can it possibly create equality between women and men?

“‘Don’t Forget the White Women!’: Members Say Racism Ran Rampant at NOW”
Emily Shugerman
The Daily Beast
August 12, 2020

“President of Now steps down amid racism allegations at feminist group”
Miranda Bryant
The Guardian
August 17, 2020

“Trashing: The Dark Side of Sisterhood”
Joreen
Ms. Magazine
1976, pages 49 to 51 and 92 to 98.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As an American, I have freedom of speech.

As a woman, I have the right to express my opinion about anything the National Organization for Women claims to do for women.

In 2016, I started adding the section below to all of my new Feminist Leader blog posts. I also added it to all posts published before 2016.

The National Organization For Women
Silences Women

National NOW has blocked me on its Facebook page. I wrote comments based on my blog posts. All of my blog posts are based on a wide variety of evidence. Much of the evidence comes from National NOW’s website, emails and posts from NOW presidents, and emails from NOW staff members. I use no hostile language, no slurs, no profanity. I do use the phrase “glory addicts” in reference to NOW leaders. I also use “glory addiction”, “glory fixes”, and “a dedicated network of glory addicts”. Dr. Marsha Vanderford (Doyle) identified the glory needs of pro-choice leaders in her 1982 dissertation.

Feminist leaders have been silencing women for decades. bell hooks, Gloria Steinem, Urvashi Vaid, and Naomi Wolf got together for a conversation that was published in Ms. Magazine in 1993. The discussion included why women choose not to call themselves feminists. Did these four feminist leaders working for women’s equality ask women who choose not to call themselves feminist to speak for themselves? Of course not! The four feminist leaders silenced millions of women by speaking for them without first requesting permission to speak for them.

Imagine a group of women who choose not to call themselves feminists getting together for a conversation to be published in a magazine about why some women call themselves feminists. Would hooks, Steinem, Vaid, Wolf, or Ms. Magazine agree with nonfeminist women denying them the opportunity to speak for themselves? Of course not! Would hooks, Steinem, Vaid, Wolf, or Ms. Magazine agree that nonfeminist women had the right to speak for feminist women without their permission? Of course not!

hooks, Steinem Vaid, and Wolf could have created equality between women. They could have provided a platform for women who choose not to call themselves feminist to explain their choice in their own words.

My feminist leader blog posts provide evidence that feminist leaders still create glory for themselves while relegating supporters to “secondary importance”. Dr. Vanderford used the words “relegated” and “secondary importance” in her dissertation. Eoin Harnett of University College Cork in Ireland used the same “secondary importance” phrase:

“Throughout the ages, women were frequently characterised
and treated as inferior and of secondary importance to men.”

NOW leaders even relegated two of their supporters to secondary importance. The supporters responded to my last two comments on National NOW’s Facebook page with comments supporting NOW. NOW leaders silenced those supporters by removing their comments along with my comments. Instead of creating equality, NOW leaders treat other women the same way patriarchal men treat women, as inferior and of secondary importance.

In-House Rhetoric of Pro-Life and Pro-Choice Special Interest Groups in Minnesota: Motivation and Alienation
Dissertation, University of Minnesota, 1982
Marsha Vanderford Doyle, Ph.D.
(Now Marsha Vanderford)
Quoted words on page 350.

“Let’s Get Real about Feminism: The Backlash, the Myths, the Movement.”
hooks, bell, Gloria Steinem, Urvashi Vaid, and Naomi Wolf.
Ms. Magazine.
Vol 4(2) September/October 1993: pages 34-43.

“Multitext Project in Irish History: Movements for Political & Social Reform, 1870-1914”
Eoin Hartnett
University College Cork, Ireland
No date
This project is no longer available online.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Soft Skill Power Strategies For Attracting Unimagined Success

softskillstrategycourses.com

Facebook Page

Women Speaking Equality

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

How All Girl Schools Fail Their Students & Alumnae

An all girl school failure to celebrate women’s successes equally
invites all men to ignore women’s successes completely.

I attended an all girl Catholic high school in the 1960s. I have stayed in touch with a number of high school classmates. My high school is unhappy about me saying my experiences at that school were mostly terrible. The school administration believed that the requirement for physical uniforms included mental and emotional uniforms as well. We had to follow strict rules for wearing our physical uniforms. There were also strict rules for wearing the mental and emotional uniforms. The school administration considered us successful only if we wore the assigned physical, mental, and emotional uniforms properly.

Four years after I graduated from high school, I ran into a classmate I met the first day of our freshman year. I told her it took me two years to figure out everything our high school told us about the world that was not true. She responded that she’d had exactly the same experience.

I stayed on the alumnae list to stay in touch with classmates. After my older sister graduated from the same high school, she made sure to disappear from the alumnae list. She hated our high school so much she wanted to make sure the administration could never find her. Many of the classmates I wanted to stay in touch with never appeared on the alumnae lists. Staying off the alumnae lists was apparently a common goal.

Exposing The Truth

In 2010, I received a fundraising letter saying that donor organizations wanted to know how many alumnae were donating money to the high school. The letter revealed that only 3% percent of alumnae made donations. The letter writer — an alumna — asked, “What’s up with that?”

The answer to “What’s up with that?” has at least two parts. First, 97% of alumnae did not enjoy their high school years. Second, 97% of alumnae did not enjoy years of figuring out the lies our high school told us about the world. The question itself is insulting. I read the question as: What’s up with alumnae refusing to wear the assigned mental and emotional uniforms?

Living The Lessons My High School Taught

When I post my successes to my class Facebook page, dozens of classmates view my posts, but very few classmates celebrate my successes by liking my posts or writing comments. My high school taught us to betray each other according to the cultural themes of betrayal between women.

I am one of 40 women who wrote chapters for Voices of the 21st Century: Resilient Women Who Rise and Make a Difference. The book’s official Amazon launch was February 23, 2021. By 10:00 in the morning, our book had reached #1 bestseller in Biography Reference and Collections. By midafternoon we were #2 in Business Mentoring & Coaching and #3 in Women & Business. Our book became an international bestseller on launch day. The next day, our book became #1 in Business Mentoring & Coaching.

On launch day, I wrote three posts about the bestselling success of my book to my high school class Facebook page. This is the count for each post on April 30, 2021:

Post #1
34 views
1 reaction

Post #2
40 views
3 reactions

Post #3
51 views
7 reactions
10 comments
8 reactions and comments by the same women

I posted a graphic of the book’s Amazon standings on February 27th.
49 views
8 reactions
1 comment

My high school viewed every post, but remained silent. I took  screenshots to prove my high school viewed my posts without celebrating my success. Note that the majority of my classmates followed the example of my high school in ignoring my success.

Top Priority

For the record, I celebrated a success of the religious order that sponsors my high school. On March 22, 2017 I wrote a post on my class Facebook page about a trailblazing effort by that religious order in 1978. I discovered it in a book about a particular kind of social justice and shared it with my classmates. My high school liked my celebration of their success. My high school never celebrated a single one of my successes. I can only assume they never celebrate any success of any alumna who refuses to wear the assigned mental and emotional uniforms. No matter what each alumna does to make the world a better place, money in the school bank account was and is my high school’s top priority.

I took a screenshot of my post celebrating the success of the sponsoring religious order. I wouldn’t put it past my high school to delete that post after they learn about this blog post.

Have my Catholic high school administrations and classmates heard of
the second greatest Christian commandment?

A Mission Of Inequality

Here is my high school’s mission statement as I write this:

—— ———, a college preparatory Catholic school for women, sponsored by the —— ——— Sisters,
fosters academic excellence, truth, peace and justice while challenging each student to develop leadership
for life and respect for all races, cultures, and faiths.

Did you notice that the word “equality” is missing?

Women’s leadership that excludes equality for women?

Women’s leadership that includes intentional inequality for women?

Why should men celebrate women’s successes when women ignore women’s successes?

I offered to do a free workshop to current students at my high school about breaking glass ceilings. The school ignored my offer.

Some All Girl High Schools Teach Equality

I graduated from high school in 1969. The current administration at my high school cannot even admit that Catholic education for girls in the 1960s limited women’s opportunities severely. One example: My high school did not offer advanced math classes because why on earth would good Catholic girls need to know advanced math? We were just going to get married and make babies!

And yet, my high school expects all alumnae to donate money.

My two younger sisters attended a different all girl Catholic high school. One of them took karate lessons as part of her school curriculum. More freedom to think and feel differently than my older sister and I had. I don’t know about my younger sisters’ alumnae experiences because my family was toxic and I walked away from everyone after my father died. I hope their high school does more celebrations of student and alumnae success. That would mean more invitations for men to celebrate women’s successes.

Ultimate Proof Of Intentional Inequality

In 2019 I created a new Facebook account for my business activities. I did not know that Facebook had changed its policies about multiple accounts. On April 29, 2021 I informed friends of my original Facebook account that I would soon be deleting that account and keeping my second account. I sent friend requests to my list of friends. Not every classmate accepted my request.

But the ultimate inequality came from my high school. I asked to join the private group for my graduating year. I first accidentally clicked on the wrong year and requested membership. I heard back from that class group in less than an hour. No acceptance from my own class group 5 days after requesting membership.

My high school excels at teaching girls to discount and betray other girls and women.

My high school fails at celebrating student and alumnae successes equally.

My high school excels at teaching intentional inequality.

My high school fails at teaching girls to create respectful connections  with other girls and women despite differences.

Applying Pressure For Equality

I wrote this blog post to draw attention to the damage high schools like mine do to girls and women while pretending to be improving the world for girls and women.

It’s likely my high school will add the word ‘equality’ to its mission statement after reading this post. The administration will want to pretend it cares after they know people are reading about their intentional inequality. They can prove they care about equality by equally celebrating the successes of each student and each alumna.

Will they?

I doubt it will happen without pressure from parents.

Take note. To be a model for celebrating student and alumnae successes equally, my high school has to celebrate every single one of my successes equally. Every single one.

To counter the damage all girl schools like my high school do, I plan to make a video. I am taking a video course to create promotional videos for my own businesses. When those are finished, I will make a video about the question parents should ask any all girl school. See the section below. I will post the video on social media monthly. The video will explain where parents can read this blog post.

When I read about the sponsoring order in the book on social justice, I discovered that they had been leaders in creating that particular kind of social equality. My high school’s sponsoring order could have been leaders in creating equality for girls and women. Instead, they continuously created intentional inequality for their students and alumnae. For all of those wasted decades I have wanted to say this to the successive administrations of my high school:

Stop acting like teenage girl cliques and grow up already!

To Parents

What value are you getting from private school tuition to an all girl school that invites men to ignore your daughter(s)’s successes? Ignoring successes translates into fewer career opportunities, fewer promotions, and lower salaries. Here is a quote from startup investor and advisor Fran Hauser:

“We were talking about potential salary increases for a man and a woman who were peers,
and an older woman on the board recommended a higher salary increase for the man,
explaining that he was the primary breadwinner in his family, while the woman was single
and didn’t have the same financial stress.”

That older woman wanted to create intentional inequality for another woman. Her words invited every man on that board to create intentional inequality for all women. She ignored the other woman’s successes in the same way my high school teaches its students to ignore other women’s successes. I could only wonder if that older woman is an alumna of my high school.

If you are a parent looking for an all girl school for your daughter(s), ask each school this question:

“How do you celebrate the successes
of each student and each alumna equally?”

Schools will learn to celebrate successes equally when parents demonstrate their willingness to take their tuition money elsewhere. Perhaps a sincere desire for equality will follow.

Movement For Equality

My resilience includes exposing women who create inequality between women. I launched Women Speaking Equality on Facebook to encourage women to celebrate other women’s successes. I posted a link to this blog post as a comment to the pinned post on that page. My followers already include women on other continents.

Voices of the 21st Century is a series. The 2021 book is the 4th book in the series. I have already been accepted to write a chapter for  2022’s Voices V. My chapter is about equality between women and will refer to my Women Speaking Equality page on Facebook. Since the first four books in the series are all international bestsellers, Voices V will be an international bestseller as well. Women from around the world will go to Women Speaking Equality on Facebook and see the link to this blog post. Women from around the world will learn how my all girl Catholic high school creates intentional inequality between and for girls and women.

How Will My High School Respond?

Will successive administrations of my high school finally stop acting like teenage girl cliques and start celebrating successes equally?

Will they stop expecting adult women to wear mental and emotional uniforms?

Will they respect my equal right to join the Facebook group for my class year?

Will they finally realize that celebrating successes equally gives all alumnae equal reasons to donate money?

I will write updates about anything my high school does or does not do in response to this blog post.

Just between you and me, I think my high school assumed that their intentional inequality
of denying me membership in my class Facebook group would make me disappear.
Oops!
Because my high school invites men to make women disappear, I refuse to disappear.

The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate
Fran Hauser
2018, page 110

Voices of the 21st Century: Resilient Women Who Rise and Make a Difference

Paula M. Kramer
© 2021 and on.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Facebook Page

Women Speaking Equality

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Poverty

My collection of stereotypes comes from books, magazines, newspapers, movies, television shows, radio programs, news shows, conversations, etc. Sources can be 10s to 100s to 1000s of years old.

Stereotypes and categories overlap at times. I create categories of stereotypes as I have stereotype examples to put into those categories.

The research into gossip goes back at least to the middle of the 20th century. Both men and women research gossip. Putting all of their research together, this is my definition:

Gossip is talk and writing about people
— both other people and ourselves —
in family, social, workplace, and public settings.

Much of the research shows that gossip is both positive and negative. I define gossip as good, bad, or ugly. Good gossip ignores or breaks stereotypes. Bad gossip uses stereotypes. Ugly gossip manufactures stereotypes.

Negative stereotypes exist about everyone, no matter their age, gender, race, religion, profession, etc. These stereotype blog posts will help you understand the negative stereotypes about you.

If you use negative stereotypes about people who are different from you, you are inviting everyone who hears you to use negative stereotypes about you.

Stereotype Updates

I add stereotypes as I come across them.

I will add the new stereotypes at the bottom of each listing, putting ~~~~~ between the older stereotypes and the new stereotypes.

More Stereotypes

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: People In General

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Ethnic, National, & Racial Identities

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Workplaces

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Romance

~~~~~~~~~~

Tired of losing out to stereotypes?
Learn strategies for taking positive control
in the small spaces of situations and relationships.
People who take positive control position themselves to attract unimagined success.

softskillstrategycourses.com

~~~~~~~~~~

People Living At Working Class, Low Income & Poverty Levels

thieving
lazy
dependent
passive
uneducated
undeserving
deviant for not being middle class
don’t work hard enough
don’t work at all
can’t improve themselves
feel bad about themselves
don’t make friends well
unable to defer gratification
no respect for education
no interest in education
dishonest
promiscuous
apathetic or ignorant about birth control
ethnic minority
lack thrift
loose morals
no personal drive
no willingness to take risks
no initiative
unwilling to work hard
fail to seize opportunities
deserve:

to live near garbage dumps and toxic waste, near noxious industries
poorer school systems
inferior medical care
more frequent arrests
harsher prison sentences
more severe social control

People Living In Slums

criminals
drug addicts
delinquents

People living in Brazilian favelas

desperate
crushed

Mothers Receiving Welfare

lazy
freeloader
wild
lack confidence
abuse the system
practice fraud
get something for nothing
sit at home
lack work ethics
keep having babies for free
unskilled laborers
live high on the hog
on drugs
fat
sits in front of television all day eating potato chips
adopted children so they can get welfare
deserve:

contraceptive testing
involuntary sterilization
coercive treatment during pregnancy
prosecution for drug use

Fathers Of Low Income Children

deadbeat dads

Low Income People Are Poor In

friendships
verbal skills
education
social manners
resources
health
happiness

Low Income Parents

lack educational values

~~~~~

can’t do well at educating their own children

Low Income Children

lack motivation
do not value education
would not benefit from:

the same education offered by schools in wealthier areas

Low Income Men

buffoon
threat

Low Income Women

slobs
plain
unattractive
neglect their children
sexually loose
accustomed to roughness
less prone to the terror of rape
can be raped only through gang rape

Points to Ponder

Did you notice that people living in poverty might not be able to improve themselves because other people think they deserve poorer school systems?

Did you notice the opposite stereotypes that people living in poverty can’t improve themselves but can take advantage of the health care system?

Did you notice that people living in poverty can supposedly take advantage of the health care system, but are in poor health?

Did you notice that people living in poverty might need to take advantage of the health care system because other people think they deserve inferior medical care?

How do people in poverty live high on the hog when other people think they deserve to live in poor neighborhoods near garbage dumps, toxic waste, and noxious industries?

Personal Note

I wrote letters to the editor about poverty issues for several years. I was low income because medical professionals misdiagnosed a childhood spinal injury for 33 years. Eventually, normal sitting and standing became extremely painful. How would you earn money if you couldn’t sit or stand normally?

Early in my letter writing years, a friend was in a baby sitting coop. My friend attended a meeting shortly after the newspaper had published one of my letters about poverty. One of the other women in the coop asked if anyone knew Paula Kramer. My friend said she did. The other woman asked:

“Is Paula fat and does she sit in front of TV set all day eating potato chips?”

My friend told me she set the woman straight.

My husband was part Native American and our daughter has his darker skin coloring. A neighbor asked me,

“Did you adopt your daughter so you could get welfare?”

Why would any adoption agency allow someone living at poverty level to adopt a child?

~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~

Because medical professionals misdiagnosed my childhood spinal injury for 33 years, I’ve lived with the stereotypes about people with disabilities. No one alive has any guarantee that they will never become disabled. How many elderly people confined to wheelchairs planned to be confined to wheelchairs at the end of their lives? None, of course.

You face the same stereotypes if you become disabled. Break stereotypes about disabled people to protect yourself in the future.

 

Strategies For Shattering Stereotypes

Choose a strategy based on the level of danger in the situation. Talk to the target in front of the harasser only if the situation is safe for conversation. If the situation is dangerous, create some kind of distraction. I now carry a personal alarm with me for creating distractions quickly.

Talking to the target instead of the harasser allows the harasser to just walk away. If harassing situations come up regularly in a workplace or other common location, you could also use these strategies at calm times to increase understanding about the consequences of using stereotypes. Just tell stories to your coworkers/colleagues as opportunities come up.

Adapt the strategies as you need to. Write about other successful strategies in the comments section.

Surprise The Harasser(s)

If you can possibly do so, give the harasser(s) a moment of dignity. People harassing others will not expect positive statements. The positive statements might be enough to stop them in that situation. One example:

“It’s obvious —– is having a bad day. Let’s give him/her/them time to
calm down and ease the strain on his/her/their heart(s). Let’s hope
tomorrow will be better.”

This statement tells the harasser(s) that they are under stress and deserve to feel better. By expressing concern for their health, you are letting them know you consider them valuable. They may not feel much value in their daily lives.

Visit the website below for resources on opening doors that give moments of dignity. Read People Success Example #5 on the People Success page. You’ll learn how I turned a bad relationship around using moments of dignity, and reaped an unexpected reward.

smilessparksuccess.com

Make Yourself An Example

This works best if you are not whatever is the reason for the harassment, not Muslim, not black, not Jewish, not Hispanic, not whatever. If you can identify any commonality between yourself and the target(s), talk about them to the target.

“Excuse me, but I noticed that we share a taste for … How would you
recommend cooking it?”

Your commonality will at least partially shatter the stereotype.

Provide Information About Stereotypes

If you can connect to the Internet, bring up the appropriate stereotype blog post and tell the target what the stereotypes are about you and why they are wrong. You could start with:

“Did you know there are stereotypes about everyone? The stereotypes
about me are …, but they don’t fit me because …”

You would be shattering a stereotype in front of the harasser.

Talk About The Consequences Of Creating Failure

Visit this Success & Failure Choices page to read about various types of success and failure. If you can think of an example from your own life, tell that story. Otherwise, use one from the blog below.

You could use this example from “Standout Success For 19 Year Old Joey Prusak”:

“A Dairy Queen customer saw manager Joey Prusak stand up for a
visually impaired customer. The bystander customer sent an email
to Dairy Queen. The story ended up on Facebook. The owner of Dairy
Queen, Warren Buffet, called Joey to thank him. Queen Latifah invited
Joey to appear on her show and gave him money for his college fund.
NASCAR driver Kevin Harvick invited Joey to a race. Good things can
happen to people who take care of other people.”

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Talk About The Benefits Of Living The Golden Rule

Remind the harasser of the Golden Rule:

“Since the Golden Rule is important to me, I’m going to treat you
the way I want to be treated. I also know that being kind to others
is good for my health.”

My favorite version of the Golden Rule comes from Buddhism, “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” See these Golden Rule statements in 21 religions, 5 philosophies, and 2 moral/ethical systems to pick your favorite version.

Read up on the health benefits of kindness for details to talk about.

And again, write about other successful strategies in the comments.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Success & Failure Choices

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Soft Skills Are Power Skills

softskillstrategycourses.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

January 11, 2021 at 08:10 am
 (2)
Categories: Stereotypes
 | 

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Romance

My collection of stereotypes comes from books, magazines, newspapers, movies, television shows, radio programs, news shows, conversations, etc. Sources can be 10s to 100s to 1000s of years old.

Stereotypes and categories overlap at times. I create categories of stereotypes as I have stereotype examples to put into those categories.

The research into gossip goes back at least to the middle of the 20th century. Both men and women research gossip. Putting all of their research together, this is my definition:

Gossip is talk and writing about people
— both other people and ourselves —
in family, social, workplace, and public settings.

Much of the research shows that gossip is both positive and negative. I define gossip as good, bad, or ugly. Good gossip ignores or breaks stereotypes. Bad gossip uses stereotypes. Ugly gossip manufactures stereotypes.

Negative stereotypes exist about everyone, no matter their age, gender, race, religion, profession, etc. These stereotype blog posts will help you understand the negative stereotypes about you.

If you use negative stereotypes about people who are different from you, you are inviting everyone who hears you to use negative stereotypes about you.

Stereotype Updates

I add stereotypes as I come across them.

I will add the new stereotypes at the bottom of each listing, putting ~~~~~ between the older stereotypes and the new stereotypes.

More Stereotypes

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: People In General

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Ethnic, National, & Racial Identities

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Workplaces

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Poverty

~~~~~~~~~~

Tired of losing out to stereotypes?
Learn strategies for taking positive control
in the small spaces of situations and relationships.
People who take positive control position themselves to attract unimagined success.

softskillstrategycourses.com

~~~~~~~~~~

Romantic Relationships In General

Relationships Between Men & Women

war

The Most Successful Relationship Is Between

a man with a high level career and a woman with a low level career

Romantic Relationships Are Likely To End If

the woman has a high status career and stays in her career

Older Women With Younger Men

trying to hang onto youth

Younger Women With Older Men

golddiggers

If A Woman Fails While Her Partner Succeeds It Means…

the man had the ability to succeed
the woman didn’t have the ability to succeed

If A Woman Succeeds While Her Partner Fails It Means The Woman…

caused her partner’’s failure
could destroy the relationship

Women In Romantic Relationships

should give up jobs when children are born
should not accept a job offer that could jeopardize partner’s career

Abusive Relationships

Violence Happens Only In

heterosexual relationships
men do all the abusing

Women Battered By Men

masochists
castrators
flirts
blameless

Men Battered By Women

liars
freaks

Men Who Batter Women

hotheaded
drunk brutes

Woman Who Batter Men

drunk
unstable
shrewish

 

Individual Characteristics

Obese People

less attractive
lower self-esteem
less likely to be dating
less erotic
deserve fat, ugly partners

 

Interracial Relationships

Black Women Dating & Marrying White Men

looking for money
looking for status
looking for something they don’t have

White Men Marrying Black Women

living a fetish
stealing Black women from their community

 

Men

All Men

Unfinished without a woman’s touch

Single Men

unhappy
interested in whether a prospective date has not girlfriends
looks at his watch because he’s bored
love women who dress like sluts
easy horn dogs
like skinny girls
like younger women
like big breasts, real or fake
like open relationships
commitment-phobes
don’t like aggressive women
always want to be dominant
want dumb women

Men Over 70

projects

Men Who Dress Revealingly

less liked
not sexy

Muscular Men

domineering
controlling
mean
abusive in relationships with overweight or underweight people

Messy Magician, Life Coach, “Crypto Guy” on The Bachelorette

shallow dates

Women

Older, Never Married Women
mentally ill

Single Women

unhappy
selfish
insecure
lonely
dysfunctional
desperate to find a mate
clueless about finances and investing
let their appearance go as they age
sex-starved
less healthy than married women

Women Who Dress Revealingly

seen by men as seductive
seen by women as not nice

Women Who Go To A Bar, Have A Nightcap In An Apartment, Dress Up

interested in sex

Women Who Drink Alcohol

sexually available
more aggressive
have few social skills

Opposite Stereotypes

Opposite Stereotypes #1

Women Battered By Men

masochists ≠ castrators

Points To Ponder

These stereotypes make abusive men inherently bad, ignoring “substance abuse, mental illness, childhood trauma, race, culture, and poverty.”

The stereotypes ignore the women who abuse men in romantic relationships. My mother was one of those abusers. She emotionally abused my father.

“Help for Men Who are Being Abused”
Lawrence Robinson and Jeanne Segal, PhD
HelpGuide
Last updated: January 2021.

“The Stereotyped Offender: Domestic Violence and the Failure of Intervention”
Carolyn B. Ramsay
Penn State Law Review
2015

“We Run a Hotline for Male Victims and Perpetrators of Domestic Violence”
Avi Mor and Malka Genachowski
Newsweek: My Turn
April 28, 2021

~~~~~~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Because medical professionals misdiagnosed my childhood spinal injury for 33 years, I’ve lived with the stereotypes about people with disabilities. No one alive has any guarantee that they will never become disabled. How many elderly people confined to wheelchairs planned to be confined to wheelchairs at the end of their lives? None, of course.

You face the same stereotypes if you become disabled. Break stereotypes about disabled people to protect yourself in the future.

 

Strategies For Shattering Stereotypes

Choose a strategy based on the level of danger in the situation. Talk to the target in front of the harasser only if the situation is safe for conversation. If the situation is dangerous, create some kind of distraction. I now carry a personal alarm with me for creating distractions quickly.

Talking to the target instead of the harasser allows the harasser to just walk away. If harassing situations come up regularly in a workplace or other common location, you could also use these strategies at calm times to increase understanding about the consequences of using stereotypes. Just tell stories to your coworkers/colleagues as opportunities come up.

Adapt the strategies as you need to. Write about other successful strategies in the comments section.

Surprise The Harasser(s)

If you can possibly do so, give the harasser(s) a moment of dignity. People harassing others will not expect positive statements. The positive statements might be enough to stop them in that situation. One example:

“It’s obvious —– is having a bad day. Let’s give him/her/them time to
calm down and ease the strain on his/her/their heart(s). Let’s hope
tomorrow will be better.”

This statement tells the harasser(s) that they are under stress and deserve to feel better. By expressing concern for their health, you are letting them know you consider them valuable. They may not feel much value in their daily lives.

Visit the website below for resources on opening doors that give moments of dignity. Read People Success Example #5 on the People Success page. You’ll learn how I turned a bad relationship around using moments of dignity, and reaped an unexpected reward.

smilessparksuccess.com

Make Yourself An Example

This works best if you are not whatever is the reason for the harassment, not Muslim, not black, not Jewish, not Hispanic, not whatever. If you can identify any commonality between yourself and the target(s), talk about them to the target.

“Excuse me, but I noticed that we share a taste for … How would you
recommend cooking it?”

Your commonality will at least partially shatter the stereotype.

Provide Information About Stereotypes

If you can connect to the Internet, bring up the appropriate stereotype blog post and tell the target what the stereotypes are about you and why they are wrong. You could start with:

“Did you know there are stereotypes about everyone? The stereotypes
about me are …, but they don’t fit me because …”

You would be shattering a stereotype in front of the harasser.

Talk About The Consequences Of Creating Failure

Visit this Success & Failure Choices page to read about various types of success and failure. If you can think of an example from your own life, tell that story. Otherwise, use one from the blog below.

You could use this example from “Standout Success For 19 Year Old Joey Prusak”:

“A Dairy Queen customer saw manager Joey Prusak stand up for a
visually impaired customer. The bystander customer sent an email
to Dairy Queen. The story ended up on Facebook. The owner of Dairy
Queen, Warren Buffet, called Joey to thank him. Queen Latifah invited
Joey to appear on her show and gave him money for his college fund.
NASCAR driver Kevin Harvick invited Joey to a race. Good things can
happen to people who take care of other people.”

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Talk About The Benefits Of Living The Golden Rule

Remind the harasser of the Golden Rule:

“Since the Golden Rule is important to me, I’m going to treat you
the way I want to be treated. I also know that being kind to others
is good for my health.”

My favorite version of the Golden Rule comes from Buddhism, “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” See these Golden Rule statements in 21 religions, 5 philosophies, and 2 moral/ethical systems to pick your favorite version.

Read up on the health benefits of kindness for details to talk about.

And again, write about other successful strategies in the comments.

~~~~~~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Success & Failure Choices

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Soft Skills Are Power Skills

softskillstrategycourses.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

January 04, 2021 at 12:38 pm
 (1)
Categories: Stereotypes
 | 

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Workplaces

My collection of stereotypes comes from books, magazines, newspapers, movies, television shows, radio programs, news shows, conversations, podcasts, etc. Sources can be 10s to 100s to 1000s of years old.

Stereotypes and categories overlap at times. I create categories of stereotypes as I have stereotype examples to put into those categories.

The research into gossip goes back at least to the middle of the 20th century. Both men and women research gossip. Putting all of their research together, this is my definition:

Gossip is talk and writing about people
— both other people and ourselves —
in family, social, workplace, and public settings.

Much of the research shows that gossip is both positive and negative. I define gossip as good, bad, or ugly. Good gossip ignores or breaks stereotypes. Bad gossip uses stereotypes. Ugly gossip manufactures stereotypes.

Negative stereotypes exist about everyone, no matter their age, gender, race, religion, profession, etc. These stereotype blog posts will help you understand the negative stereotypes about you.

If you use negative stereotypes about people who are different from you, you are inviting everyone who hears you to use negative stereotypes about you.

Stereotype Updates

I add stereotypes as I come across them.

I will add the new stereotypes at the bottom of each listing, putting ~~~~~ between the older stereotypes and the new stereotypes.

More Stereotypes

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: People In General

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Ethnic, National, & Racial Stereotypes

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Romance

Negative Stereotypes Behind Bad & Ugly Gossip: Poverty

~~~~~~~~~~

Tired of losing out to stereotypes?
Learn strategies for taking positive control
in the small spaces of situations and relationships.
People who take positive control position themselves to attract unimagined success.

softskillstrategycourses.com

~~~~~~~~~~

Men In The Workplace

Businessmen

aggressive
materialistic
mercenary

Handsome Men

ambitious
self-interest is a threat to management
opinionated

Managers

domineering
challenging

Men Who File Sexual Harassment Charges

not real men
sexually deviant

Men Who Work In Female Workplaces

less manly

Nice Guys

finish last

When Men Fail On The Job, The Stereotyped Reasons Include:

lack of effort
difficult situations
bad luck

When Men Succeed On The Job, The Stereotyped Reasons Include:

ability
talent

Women In The Workplace

Attractive Women

stupid
should be trophy wife instead of career woman
interested in sex
schemers
less trustworthy
more expendable
should smile at everyone
less competent

Businesswomen

less happy with success
unattractive
aggressive
unpopular
less likely to maintain a steady relationship
egoist
dominant
hide feelings
less feminine
less desirable

Feminine Dressing Women

low managerial skills
low interest in work
illogical
overemotional in critical decision making
financially irresponsible
helpless
dependent on the influences of others
sexy
flirtatious in social relations
not assertive
low independence
low self-confidence

Women Are Seen As Unsuitable For Management Positions…

when their hair is long, curly,  extreme in color, in the face, fastened with barrettes and ribbons

when they wear extreme amounts and colors of makeup, soft or tight sweaters, low necklines, ruffled blouses,
dangling or ostentatious jewelry,  and don’t wear a jacket

when they are attractive

Women Bosses

petty
envious
power-mad
aggressive

Women Who Cry On The Job

weak
vulnerable
crack under pressure

Women Who File Sexual Harassment Charges

whiners
complainers
incompetent

Women Who Use The Titles Miss Or Mrs.

lacking personality characteristics of a successful middle manager

Women Who Use The Title Ms.

more motivated
more masculine
less likable

When Women Fail On The Job, The Stereotyped Reasons Include:

no talent
no ability

When Women Succeed On The Job, The Stereotyped Reasons Include

unstable conditions
external causes

General Experiences For
Women In Workplaces

Fewer

opportunities
promotions
resources

Less

accommodation
authority
autonomy
approval for efforts
cooperation
credit
pay
respect

Lower

performance evaluations

More

disapproval for efforts
interruptions
pressure

General  Stereotypes
About Women Workers

Less

competent
knowledgeable
less authority

Not good as leaders

Too emotional to do important work

Incapable of assertiveness

Deviant for

showing competence and assertiveness
interrupting men

General Stereotypes
About Women’s Work

Less

important
authoritative
convincing
valuable

Inferior

Deserving rejection

Unworthy of recognition

More Insights Into
Gender Bias

“How to Navigate Bias Traps Toward Your Ultimate Success with Gifty Enright”
Shedding the Corporate Bitch Podcast With Host Bernadette Boas
March 5, 2024

Performance

Attribution

Likeability

Affinity

Maternal

Intersectionality

5:55 to 9:05

 

Professions

Athletes

can’t hold regular jobs

 Biology Teachers

nerdy

Business Coaches

big egos
haven’t accomplished anything
couldn’t succeed themselves
their way or the highway
tell rather than coach
consider themselves gurus
full of s—

CEOs

need huge salaries and bonuses for motivation to do their jobs well

Cheerleaders

slutty
queen-bees
wear short skirts
gum-chewing ditzy snobs
airheads
gossipy
mean

Clothing Designers

aggressive

Community Organizers

rabble rousers
outside agitators
professional agitators

Construction Workers

ordinary
unremarkable

Entrepreneurs

criminals

Executive Coaches

no domain experience
parrots who only listen instead of asking questions after listening
on cruse control doing rinse and repeat with clients
coach executives to manage the little people in a company
promise simple answers and quick results
exploit powerful hold over clients

Executives Who Say Goodbye To Every Employee At The End Of The Day

checking up on employees

Government Officials

tell lies
cover up the truth
engage in conspiracies to deprive citizens of their liberty

Interns

untrustworthy

Journalists

callous
cavalier
hound celebrities
interested in human weakness
chew up private lives for entertainment

Lawyers

untrustworthy
contemptible
fast talkers
dishonest
subverters of justice
look for loopholes

Life Coaches

think they know more than anyone else
think they are better than anyone else
unqualified
underequipped
undertrained
delusional
manipulative sellers
no domain expertise
scam artists
psychologists with no credentials
shamers
bullshit jobs

Men In Ads Selling Beauty Products, Shopping, & Fulfilling Lives To Women

bumbling fools

Men In Commercials Selling Laundry Detergent

not guys

Military Historians

right wing
morally suspect
just plain dumb

Military Pilots Who See Surface Air Missiles Where Government Intelligence Believes They Can’t Be

cowboy pilots

Models

airheads who make pots of money for not doing much

Pilots

alcoholics

Private Equity Firms

gut jobs
squeeze privates
hollow out companies

Secretaries

materialistic
overly emotional
often irrational
physically limited
less than committed to the job
don’t perform well
not valuable
dependable

Sex Surrogates

prostitutes

Soldiers

shell shocked soldiers are neurotically susceptible and infantile

American Soldiers

mean
aggressive killers

Tarot Card Reader

flakes

Treasure Hunters / Shipwreck Hunters

only in it for the money

Truck Drivers

hog the right of way
drive dangerously
cause most car truck accidents
bullies
menace on the highway

Writers Of Fiction

difficult temperament

~~~~~~~~~~

Male Dancers

sissies

Male Elementary School Teachers

pedophiles
failures as men

Male Kindergarten Teachers

babysitters

Male Librarians

wimpy
asexual

Male Nurses

gay (which assumes that being gay is bad)

Male Social Workers

feminine
passive

Men Who Work In Stereotypical Female Professions

taking a step down
enjoy a glass escalator of preferential treatment for hiring and promotion

~~~~~~~~~~

Female Scientists Who Are Feminine

incompetent

Female Scientists Who Are Masculine

unlikable

Female Scientists Who Have Children

not committed to their work
incompetent

Female Scientists Who Speak Their Mind Or Are Decisive

too masculine

Female Working In A Dealership Service Center

doesn’t now what she’s doing

Women Running For Political Office

young girls
little housewives who don’t know anything
incompetent

Individual Characteristics

Half White / Half Black

Performs better than Black

Low Income Workers

will not be motivated by higher salaries to do their jobs well or work harder
will only be motivated by the threat of their jobs being moved overseas

Older Workers

absent more
lower productivity levels
less flexible in their behavior
unable to learn new skills
prone to job-related accidents

Plus Size Workers

blameworthy
guilt-ridden
untrustworthy
incompetent
salesclerks
pushy
insensitive
insincere
fawning

People Who Do Their Jobs Well

hall monitor
tattle tale
troublemaker
trying to get coworkers in trouble
hormonal
rebellious
stroppy (British for bad-tempered)
time of the month
bad tempered
argumentative

Successful Black Women / Career Black women

arrogant
hard
controlling
self-centered
uppity

Whistleblowers

squealers
rats
stoop-pigeons
finks
loose cannons
dangers to businesses damaging to career of fellow workers
habitual liars
irresponsible
masters of deceit
criminals
fudged resumes

Workers With Disabilities

incompetent
vulnerable
ineligible for jobs

Shared Stereotypes

Shared Stereotypes #1

Businessmen
Businesswomen
Women Bosses
Clothing Designers
American Soldiers

aggressive

Shared Stereotypes #2

Businessmen
Secretaries

materialistic

Shared Stereotype #3

Businesswomen
Women Who Use The Title Ms.

more masculine

Shared Stereotypes #4

Women Who Cry On The Job
Workers With Disabilities

vulnerable

Shared Stereotypes #5

Women Who File Sexual Harassment Charges
Female Scientists Who Are Feminine
Female Scientists Who Have Children
Women Running For Political Office
Overweight Workers
Workers With Disabilities

incompetent

Shared Stereotypes #6

Cheerleaders
American Soldiers

mean

Shared Stereotypes #7

Entrepreneurs
Whistleblowers

criminals

Opposite Stereotypes

 

Opposite Stereotypes #1

Feminine Dressing Women

flirtatious in social relations ≠ not assertive

Opposite Stereotypes #2

General Stereotypes About Women

Incapable of assertiveness ≠ deviant for showing assertiveness

Opposite Stereotypes #3

Men Who Work In Stereotypical Female Professions

taking a step down ≠ riding a glass escalator up

Workplace Policies

Giving Raises, Health Care, & Retirement Benefits To Workers

will increase inflation
squeeze profit margins
end economic prosperity

Giving Stock Options, Bonuses, & Multimillion Dollar Salaries To CEOs

will lower inflation
increase profit margins
lead to  economic prosperity

Research On The Impact Of Parental Work

work-family issues are concerns for women
focuses on the mother having a job or the father losing a job

 

Points to Ponder
About Men in the Workplace

Men in women’s fields enjoy a glass escalator of preferential treatment for hiring and promotion and are over represented in managerial positions. But choosing a career in a traditionally female field means you’ll face stereotypes of failure and criminality.

 

Points to Ponder
About Women in the Workplace

If you are a woman, be careful to never use any of the negative stereotypes about women in the workplace against other women. If you do, you will be giving permission to everyone else the stereotypes about women in the workplace.

 

Points to Ponder
About Pay & Benefits

Did you notice the following?

Money and benefits supposedly motivate CEOs but not the workers that keep the company going.

Raises for CEOs supposedly benefit the economy but raises for ordinary workers supposedly harm the economy.

Secretaries cannot be motivated by raises but are materialistic while CEOs need big pay raises to be motivated but are not materialistic.

Perhaps we should ask the CEOs who get the top pay and benefits to explain why programs that give money to the poor have created so many benefits that dozens of countries have those programs.

~~~~~~~~~~

Because medical professionals misdiagnosed my childhood spinal injury for 33 years, I’ve lived with the stereotypes about people with disabilities. No one alive has any guarantee that they will never become disabled. How many elderly people confined to wheelchairs planned to be confined to wheelchairs at the end of their lives? None, of course.

You face the same stereotypes if you become disabled. Break stereotypes about disabled people to protect yourself in the future.

 

Strategies For Shattering Stereotypes

Choose a strategy based on the level of danger in the situation. Talk to the target in front of the harasser only if the situation is safe for conversation. If the situation is dangerous, create some kind of distraction. I now carry a personal alarm with me for creating distractions quickly.

Talking to the target instead of the harasser allows the harasser to just walk away. If harassing situations come up regularly in a workplace or other common location, you could also use these strategies at calm times to increase understanding about the consequences of using stereotypes. Just tell stories to your coworkers/colleagues as opportunities come up.

Adapt the strategies as you need to.

Surprise The Harasser(s)

If you can possibly do so, give the harasser(s) a moment of dignity. People harassing others will not expect positive statements. The positive statements might be enough to stop them in that situation. One example:

“It’s obvious —– is having a bad day. Let’s give him/her/them time to
calm down and ease the strain on his/her/their heart(s). Let’s hope
tomorrow will be better.”

This statement tells the harasser(s) that they are under stress and deserve to feel better. By expressing concern for their health, you are letting them know you consider them valuable. They may not feel much value in their daily lives.

Visit the website below for resources on opening doors that give moments of dignity. Read People Success Example #5 on the People Success page. You’ll learn how I turned a bad relationship around using moments of dignity, and reaped an unexpected reward.

smilessparksuccess.com

Make Yourself An Example

This works best if you are not whatever is the reason for the harassment, not Muslim, not black, not Jewish, not Hispanic, not whatever. If you can identify any commonality between yourself and the target(s), talk about them to the target.

“Excuse me, but I noticed that we share a taste for … How would you
recommend cooking it?”

Your commonality will at least partially shatter the stereotype.

Provide Information About Stereotypes

If you can connect to the Internet, bring up the appropriate stereotype blog post and tell the target what the stereotypes are about you and why they are wrong. You could start with:

“Did you know there are stereotypes about everyone? The stereotypes
about me are …, but they don’t fit me because …”

You would be shattering a stereotype in front of the harasser.

Talk About The Consequences Of Creating Failure

Visit this Success & Failure Choices page to read about various types of success and failure. If you can think of an example from your own life, tell that story. Otherwise, use one from the blog below.

You could use this example from “Standout Success For 19 Year Old Joey Prusak”:

“A Dairy Queen customer saw manager Joey Prusak stand up for a
visually impaired customer. The bystander customer sent an email
to Dairy Queen. The story ended up on Facebook. The owner of Dairy
Queen, Warren Buffet, called Joey to thank him. Queen Latifah invited
Joey to appear on her show and gave him money for his college fund.
NASCAR driver Kevin Harvick invited Joey to a race. Good things can
happen to people who take care of other people.”

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Talk About The Benefits Of Living The Golden Rule

Remind the harasser of the Golden Rule:

“Since the Golden Rule is important to me, I’m going to treat you
the way I want to be treated. I also know that being kind to others
is good for my health.”

My favorite version of the Golden Rule comes from Buddhism, “Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” See these Golden Rule statements in 21 religions, 5 philosophies, and 2 moral/ethical systems to pick your favorite version.

Read up on the health benefits of kindness for details to talk about.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Critical Thinking Questions

1.  What’s happening?

2.  Why is it important?

3.  What don’t I see?

4.  How do I know?

5.  Who is saying it?

6.  What else? What if?

Stereotype Thinking Questions

1.  What is threatening my beliefs?

2.  How can I make it unimportant?

3.  What can I reject?

4.  What can I laugh at?

5.  How can I attack people who threaten my beliefs?

6.  How can I deflect?

The stereotype thinking questions are mine, based on my observations of stereotype thinkers.

~~~~~~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Success & Failure Choices

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Soft Skills Are Power Skills

softskillstrategycourses.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

 

May 31, 2020 at 11:03 am
 (1)
Categories: Stereotypes
 | 

Forget Dress For Success. Dress To Express!

When you want to be at your best, dress to express your best. Dress to express your best behavior style characteristics. When you express your best behavior style characteristics, your confidence will shine through.

We are combinations of the four basic behavior styles, with most of us having one main or High behavior style modified by a Secondary High behavior style. (For a better understanding of DISC behavior styles, download S&R Keys.)

Four basic behavior styles means four basic ways of dressing. Have you noticed fashion magazines highlighting the latest trends for each behavior style? Of course not. I don’t know how fashion trends start, but being fashionable means dressing one particular way. If the fashion trend of the moment happens to match your High behavior style, then your confidence will shine right through your fashionable wardrobe.

If you are one of the three behavior styles that the fashion trends ignore, dressing according to fashion will prevent your confidence from shining through. If you dress according to fashion trends that do not give you confidence, you give any competitive advantage you could have to the people who do feel confident when dressing according fashion trends.

Think about your wardrobe. Which outfits make you feel like you can do anything? Those outfits give you confidence. Those outfits are your dress to express clothes.

For example, Hillary Clinton felt able to express herself in comfortable pantsuits. Steve Jobs felt able to express himself in black turtlenecks and jeans.

Keep in mind that situation plays a factor. As Secretary of State, Clinton did have to dress in a professional style. But her pantsuits are professional and she wears a variety of colors. Steve Jobs owned his company so he could set his own fashion. Most of us have to be more like Clinton, finding a way to express ourselves while dressing for the situation. If all you can do to express yourself is to add an accessory that lets your confidence shine through, then do that. Or do what Hillary Clinton does and wear the colors that express you.

I learned the clothing styles of the four basic behavior styles from the man who introduced me to the DISC behavior style theory. Since we are all combinations of the four basic behavior styles, we may need to express different behavior styles in different situations. This would be a second reason we need to dress to express ourselves according to the situation.

Think which behavior styles match your behavior. I am a High I over Secondary High S, so I am both outgoing in some situations and reserved in other situations. I am always looking for ways to connect with people. I know what to wear so I speak confidently in front of a group of people. I know what to wear when I want to stay on the sidelines. I know how to express myself with confidence. With understanding, you can express yourself with confidence, too.

High D — Outgoing, gets things done
Neat, functional clothing

High I — Outgoing, connects with people
Dramatic, unconventional clothing

High S — Reserved, connects with people
Traditional clothing (could be women wearing skirts and men wearing ties)

High C — Reserved, gets things done
Conservative clothing

The late personal stylist and image consultant Annie Brumbaugh of AD Wardrobe Works had tips for creating a wardrobe that could change your life. One of her tips was to buy “what you love, what makes you comfortable, what you feel expresses you.” Even Annie’s obituary includes her wardrobe advice:

“You are the star of your life. Your wardrobe is the costume department.
Are you dressed for the role you want to play?”

Dress to express who you are as the star of your life.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Was I A Loser?

Online comments, tweets, interviews, and overheard conversations reveal misconceptions about people, success, and failure. One misconception stems from the tendency of some people to label other people “losers” using only limited information.

Is someone who turns down a chance to attend college a loser?

Is someone who can’t keep a full time job a loser?

Is someone who drifts from one low paying job to another a loser?

At age 18 I turned down the chance to attend college even though my parents would have paid for it. For years I couldn’t keep a full time job for more than six months. During one year I worked at 10 or more low paying jobs. Was I a loser?

The information other people didn’t have was that my mother tried to kill me twice when I was very young. I spent my entire childhood in terror of my mother killing me. I felt safe only on Christmas Day. Every other day of the year I woke up fearing my mother would kill me that day. No one else knew because my mother was accomplished at hiding cruel words and actions behind her image of a “good mother”. My father loved me but became an alcoholic to dull the cruel words my mother used to batter him emotionally.

I never consciously said to myself, “Mom might kill me today.” That kind of conscious awareness would have made me insane. I buried my murder memories. At age 14 I began overeating compulsively to bury my feelings. I turned down the chance to attend college because I did not want my mother controlling my life any longer. I couldn’t keep a full time job for more than six months because I was suicidally depressed. I drifted from one low paying job to another because the buried memories of my mother murdering me hindered my ability to function.

My turbulent subconscious kept reminding me of the murder attempts with several recurring clues. After 3 years of heart-shredding therapy I finally said to myself at age 42, “Mom did try to kill me.” Today I have two college degrees, am writing several books, have done professional talks, have made a documentary, and have helped other people.

My parents had six children. Daughter, daughter (me), son, daughter, son, daughter. When I was 34, the brother who was born third told me that the reason I had problems with our mother was that I was female instead of male. He said that our mother expected him to be her “knight in shining armor”. My mother needed a son to prove her worth as a woman. In the words of my psychologist brother-in-law, my mother treated my brother like “a god”. Because she needed a knight in shining armor, my mother saw me as a threat. The crime that sentenced me to death was being female.

To protect herself from anything I might eventually say about her, my mother taught relatives and neighbors to ignore what I said and discount what I did. It worked. My siblings and relatives (including my psychologist brother-in-law) think I exaggerate everything and am irresponsible. My siblings treated me like a trespasser in their lives because they considered me a loser.

When I had increasing problems earning money because of a childhood injury to my spine, they decided I couldn’t be feeling physical pain. My older sister asked, “Are you sure it isn’t emotional?’ I told her that when I wore a belt too tightly, my spine hurt. When I loosened the belt, my spine stopped hurting. My sister didn’t believe me. The physical injury to my spine meant nothing in the face of  my siblings’ need to stereotype me as a loser.

If I had allowed myself to remember enough to say something as a child, no one would have believed me. My father taught at Northwestern University. My mother had attended a year of college herself. Who would have believed that a college educated married woman would try to kill her own child?

A series of nightmares put the pieces of my murder memories together at age 42. My father was the only family member who had loved me for who I was, and he died when I was 30. I knew that if I talked about my mother trying to kill me, no one in my family or circle of friends and relatives would believe me. Knowing the outcome, I finally wrote letters stating that my mother had tried to kill me. No one believed me. It was much easier for everyone else to see me as a loser.

I have met five other women who remember one or both of their parents trying to kill them. One of them remembers her police detective father pointing a loaded gun at her head. Some of them escaped the loser label, some of them did not. Were any of us losers? No. We were survivors forced to cope with trauma by ourselves because other people labeled us losers.

My family is what I call a “murder secret family” When parents kill or attempt to kill their children and hide the crimes successfully, the entire family learns to keep the crimes a secret. Many family members keep the secret without knowing they are keeping that kind of secret. My mother manipulated everyone else to participate in keeping the secret, but only she and I knew what the secret was. Sometimes other children will know there is a secret, even if parents successfully kill one or more of their children. A child disappears, never spoken of again. But the siblings remember there used to be more of them.

Sometimes other siblings blame all sibling relationship problems on the sibling who survived attempted murder. My siblings absolved themselves of treating me like a member of their family by deciding I had caused all my own problems with my emotional, irresponsible behavior. Everyone else considered themselves innocent of everything. My surviving siblings probably still see me as a loser. To see me as I really am, they would have to see themselves as they really are. Murder secret family members keep secrets from themselves about their own loser behaviors. I left all of my relatives behind because they were all losers to me.

My mother hasn’t been able to completely hide her secret from herself. She has repeatedly told people what a “good mother” she is. I’ve never heard any other mother repeatedly describe herself as a “good mother”. I don’t. My mother keeps describing herself as a “good mother” to other people to convince herself that she couldn’t have possibly tried to kill her own baby twice.

The next time you see someone society labels a loser, remember my story.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present.
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Resource Websites

smilessparksuccess.com

speakingfromtriumph.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com 

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

April 05, 2020 at 09:00 am
 (1)
Categories: Losers
 | 

Television Strong Women As Role Models? Career Dangerous In Real Life!

“Let’s Hear It for TV’s Difficult Women”
Megan Angelo
Glamour Magazine
June 2015

Lady Mary
Downtown Abbey

Selina Meyer
Veep

Cookie
Empire

Carrie Mathison
Homeland

Olivia Pope
Scandal

Claire Underwood
House of Cards

Abby and Hana
Broad City

While going through a stack of old magazines in December 2019, I came across the article above. I had to write my reaction within days.

These are quotes from the article:

“Headlining every breakout show are the sort of women who have
historically been classified as ‘difficult,” even bitchy—ambitious,
blunt, and staunchly ‘bout their own business.”

“Sure, Cookie may rub some people the wrong way, but who cares?
She fights for what she wants. And that’s the crux of the ice-cold,
attitude-y TV ladies—they’re risk takers and, ultimately, winners.”

“Then we go home and watch women who remind people pleasers
like me that a well-placed retort, a scorching rant, or even just a
meaningful pause are doable, important, and something we should try,
on whatever level we can handle.”

Megan Angelo forgot that television characters care only if the writers make them care. Real people care. In real life, bitches invite backlash. Lots of people accept those invitations and choose among the following:

Revenge

Backstabbing

Payback

Real life former bitch Bernadette Boas wrote a book about why she stopped being a bitch. The quote below reveals why real life bitches lose:

“Today, large and small businesses engage me to help them find a solution
to breaking the glass ceiling for the women in their organization. On one
particular call, a man who headed up a large medical practice explained to
me how the two women on his Board of Directors, both eligible to replace the
CEO, were going to be overlooked, because, he stated, “They’re bitches.”
The women were qualified and deserving of the position, but no one would
vote them in because of their attitudes. I  knew exactly what he was talking about.”

Bernadette also feels shame. She feels ashamed for not caring that she was a bitch. This is her apology for decades of bitchiness:

Forgive me for the bitch I was.

Forgive me for not knowing I was.

Forgive me for not caring I was.

I am truly sorry.

Do you enjoy living with shame?

I use the phrase “girl growls” for the statements ice-cold, attitude-y women make about other women without caring. Read how one “strong woman” growled for what she wanted and lost. I used a girl growl and lost, too.

Now read how Rafe Esquith made a point of being nice to everyone. The invitations he sent out came back when he was in his greatest need of support. Rafe Esquith won. The bitches qualified to be CEO and Billionaire Mafia owner Lana Fuchs lost. Television writers can make bitches win no matter what they do. People in your life can make you lose because of what you do.

I wonder how much backlash Megan Angelo invited if she used “well-placed retorts” and “scorching rants”. How much of the backlash was behind her back?

I have a blog full of real world examples of success sparking success and failure flaring failure. We can’t control the factors that create serendipitous success or freaky failure, but we can control whether we choose and invite every other type of success or failure.

The CEO candidate bitches and Billionaire Mafia owner Lana Fuchs chose and invited failure. Rafe Esquith chose and invited success.

What do you choose?

Back to one Megan Angelo quote:

“Sure, Cookie may rub some people the wrong way, but who cares?”

Megan doesn’t care when women treat other women as unequal? Does she care when other women treat her as unequal?

I care when women create inequality for other women because I want equality. Equality between men and women will follow equality between women. Read the Girl Grit, Girl Goodwill, and Success & Failure Choices pages on my website to understand how creating equality sparks success, including unforeseen success.

Back to Bernadette Boas’ apology:

Forgive me for the bitch I was.

Forgive me for not knowing I was.

Forgive me for not caring I was.

I am truly sorry.

Bernadette feels shame for the decades she didn’t care. When Megan Angelo finally starts caring, other women will care enough to spark success for her. Because Bernadette Boas cares about helping other women now, I promote her book, her radio show, and her consulting at every opportunity to quote her. I am doing my best to help Bernadette Boas win because of what she does. When more women win as CEOs (and Presidents and Prime Ministers), women like me will have more opportunities for success in other areas.

And because I support Bernadette, Bernadette has repeatedly offered to support me. In an email exchange regarding this blog post, I told her about my next project. She will do what she can to support me when I am ready.

Bernadette Boas and I are the strong women Megan Angelo should be emulating. We both had the strength to recognize how we harmed other people and how hurting other women also hurt us. We are winners because admitting the harm we did to other women is the first step toward winning with other women. Bernadette and I  are ready to welcome Megan Angelo into winning with us.

In case you’re wondering, I started this winning with relationship when I contacted Bernadette to say I wanted to include a quote from her book on my Girl Grit page. I asked for nothing in return because I saw support for Bernadette as a way to increase success for all women, including me. Bernadette chose to offer support specific to me. We will continue winning with each other as long as we are able to.

If Megan Angelo ever contacts another woman with the intent of supporting her, she must do so with sincerity. Insincerity would prove the impossibility of winning with Megan.

Shedding the Corporate Bitch: Shifting Your Bitches to Riches in Life and Business
Bernadette Boas
Pages 4 and 216

Bernadette on Linkedin

Bernadette’s website

Bernadette’s radio show

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Facebook Page

Women Speaking Equality

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com

Girl Growl Backfire: 8 Words End A Friendship Of Years

I was a single mother because my husband died when our daughter was 8 months old. I was a disabled single mother because a childhood spinal injury had been repeatedly misdiagnosed. My disability was invisible, so a lot of people did not believe I had disabling pain in my spine. My daughter and I lived on Social Security Survivors Benefits, food stamps, housing assistance, and medical assistance. My husband died very young, so the benefits from his account were small.

A good number of people, groups, and organizations let me know that accepting any assistance meant taking money out of their pockets. For years I wrote letters to newspapers about poverty. One woman responded with an accusation of “…hiding behind your daughter and looking for free handouts.”

In this atmosphere, I failed another single mother. A tragedy happened in her family. I will give no details to protect her now the way I did not protect her then.

This single mother’s name came up while I was visiting two people I had been good friends with for a number of years. Feeling that the tragedy in this single mother’s life would only make my life as a single mother more difficult, I spoke eight hateful words about her.

The end of the friendship began immediately.

My girl growl backfired on me twice. The first backfire was the end of a friendship that was important to me. The second backfire is a continuing feeling of guilt for the way I failed another woman who was probably treated as badly as I was treated for being a single mother.

~~~~~

Paula M. Kramer
© 2015 to the present
All rights reserved.

Posts on this blog alternate with posts at the link below. Posts for both blogs are published on Wednesdays as they are ready to be published. Time between posts could be weeks or months.

blog.smilessparksuccess.com

Standards For Success Posters

Girl Grit

Girl Goodwill

Resource Websites

speakingfromtriumph.com

smilessparksuccess.com

Business Directory

betterplanetbusiness.com

Positive Identity Directory For People With Mugshots

myrecordnow.com